Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010: New Year, New Me...


Happy New Year! ;p

Another year to celebrate the aging self! I'm old...snap...grrrrrr....22!

This means: CHANGE!, CHANGE!, CHANGE!

Time to grow up and be strong! Yeah........

Time to excel in everything! Gambatte!

Time to be myself and do my own things!

It's a beginning of a new me...huuuuuuuuuuuu....

Happy new year peeps..;p

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Gone

She's gone.

No more Ju.
No more Mummy.
No more Mok Cik Ju.
No more Kak Lily.
No more Puan Julia Fardilla Abd. Jabar.
No more.

Coz she's gone, peacefully.

When?
11.00am, 22 December 2009.

Where?
Damansara Specialist Hospital.

Al-Fatihah.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Please pray for her....

My mummy is currently undergoing some major surgeries at KPJ Damansara Specialist Hospital. It is going to take some times there. Thus, I hope she will get loads of wishful prayers on her behalf.

She is diagnosed with "Advance Tongue Cancer". Even though the doctors (Dr. Lum Wah Heng and Dr. Awal) said..the chances may be 50-50, I still keep my hopes high. I believe she is not giving up and neither do I. I still hope for some miracles to happen.

I thank you for your kindness in advance. Thank you for staying with me and standing next to me through these hard times.

May Allah bless us all, ameen.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Success behind the flaws...

Success? Perhaps.

People won't stop judging until they see the subject falls. People will only stop at two; 1. The subject ridiculously falls like what they assume OR 2. The subject successfully proves the ridiculous theory wrong.

Why? Oh well, it is just the nature of human being. We can't be free enough to see others happy. There must be something we can do to point our flawless criticism.

It's itchy on my back. Seriously it is... It's like living with fungus all around you. Everywhere you go, people are eyeballing on you. They just wait for the right moment till you make even a simple mistake. They know how to tackle your fragility.

I have no idea...I think, it's nothing but a guaranteed excitement to judge others.

I come with flaws. I am not perfect. But who are you to judge? The decision I have made was totally under no influence of my personal being. It was totally professional. And I am proud to say, "It's a success!"

At this point, you are still digging for my dirt. By all means, please do. While you are busy digging, I am already on top. Where are you? Seriously, do you want to be on the bottom forever? Come on, work with me here... God does not change your fate! You have to work to attain perfection dude! Money does not come easy. Go figure.

I will try to serve you with a smile on my face. It's true I am lack of the expertise you're looking for. But darn it, I like your attitude, bashing me like that.... Don't I deserve any applause upon my success? Damn, I worked hard for it! Spare me some credit will you.

I therefore like to call it.."Success behind the flaws". It's another trek to my freedom.

Lastly, do your best in whatever things you do best. As I will do my best to achieve great things ahead. Sayonara to you (waving goodbye).

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Long Trek to Freedom

Long Trek to Freedom

I am caught up in the desperate struggle against my inner self.
"Should I brutally hit my lustful desire or
should I just kill myself instead?"
I realize; this is somehow a battle to survive.
I need a precise word to change...'DETERMINATION'.

To live is to make decisions.
"Why did I choose this path?"
Let me reflect on how hard for me
to hold my attention upon changing.
I just don't have the ENTHUSIASM anymore.

The blood bath has begun since my secondary years.
Those were good years but I have wasted my years of purity.
As I yearn for changes, I lost my focus when I should
be concentrating on my studies in my hostel.
"Where have I been?", "I have been in prison!"

I have been living myself on the run for too long now.
It never stops... The longest effort lasted only for 3 weeks.
Yet I am running again.
I am running towards the darkness.
I have to admit... it's a journey to hell.

I am still hoping... for a surprise package to knock my door.
A package of freedom, free from this lust.
"It can't be far now... I am nearly out of prison."
I want my poetry to be read by them.
So they see my trek to freedom is nothing but a fight.

by aNs, 8 Nov 2009