Goodbye Tok Bob. Have a safe journey..

......."Wahai Zakaria binti Hawa', insafla kamu...wahai Zakaria binti Hawa, kamu akan memulakan perjalanan menuju ke akhirat..dan kelak, kita semua akan dibangkitkan. Ya Allah, dengan menggunakan kelepasan dan kemudahan di atas nama penghulu kami, Muhammad SAW, Kau permudahkanlah jalan bagi Zakaria Binti Hawa dan jangan Kau seksa akan beliau dengan seksaan kubur yang dahsyat...Wahai Zakaria Binti Hawa, usah kau bimbang dan gelisah akan soalan-soalan dari Mungkar dan Nakir kerana mereka adalah makhluk Allah sepertimana kamu juga..."

Those were some lines from the 'talkin' just now. I thought nobody would come to the burial. Thank you Uncle Li, Uncle Mazlan, Uncle Din, Pak Nasir, Pak Jusoh, En Amar, Ayah Man, Tokki Raja Ali, Mak Zah, Mak Cik Zaharah, Pak De, Pak Long, Mama De, Kak Long, Tokki, Didi, Amir, Pi, Marwan, Faez's friends, Mak Cik sewa rumah and families. Thank you for coming. It helped a bit.

I can't believe Tok Bob's gone. Selamat dikebumikan at nearly 11++pm. He passed away just a minute before azan asar. I was panicked. I didn't know what to do...I called Tajul... Faez called Pak De... He fell just beside his bed, with his inhaler in his hand. It was depressing. His face was against the floor. Faez and I held him tight and put him on the bed properly. His right eye was opened. I closed it with my hand. Innalillahiwainnalillahirajiuun. We covered him with his favourite wool blanket. I held his hands and I kissed them. I was panicked. Pak De hadn't arrived. I didn't know what to do. I then went to the toilet and I took my shower.

Soon as Pak De was here, he went straight to Tok Bob's room and confirmed the death. Tok Bob was still warm that time. It means, he just left us. I was so gelabah. I told them, I need to fetch Haikal from school. I couldn't stay. I was sorry. I drove the car crazily. Then at Kemaman, there was an accident. A biker was hit by a Kancil and it was horrible. I hate Malaysians who really have deep passion in rubbernecking. It caused the congestion! And I was late. I stucked in the jam for nearly 45 minutes! During that time, I told myself.."Hey, that could be me!" and I drove more cautiously... I was ting tong... I couldn't think right.

I cried all the way to SMK Mak Lagam. I stopped at Shell gas station and I cried. The Bangladeshi looked at me and asked me what's wrong. I didn't respond to him. Then I left. Haikal was already packed up and he was waiting for me at the gate. What makes it harder for me was..hearing Mummy's crying on the phone. She's suffering with her illness at the moment. She was not prepared for this! Haikal and I went home after that.

Back at home, Tok Bob was cleansed and I saw some unfamiliar faces who washed him. I couldn't take it. I almost cried. Then I joined them. He was shining! Seriously like a brand new Seiko wrist watch. What hurts me the most was...there's a small bruise on his forehead. He looked peaceful and I swear to God, it was like he's sleeping in peace. No more pain and asthma. Good for you Tok Bob.

During the 'kapan' process. I held his feet tight and I tied some parts of the kapan. For the last moment, Faez, Haikal and I kissed Tok Bob goodbye. I kissed him three times...and it was not enough. I wish he could stay..... Goodbye Tok Bob. I love you so much.

Then we carried the 'jenazah' in Pak Long's lorry. We headed to Masjid Sg. Udang for solat jenazah. It was painful for me. I kept it to myself all the way to the Kubur. I was not ready for that. It was dark...for a second, I wondered where would he be buried.

He was safely burried in front of his late wife's and my mama's graves. The names at the grave compound read like this.."Raja Long bte Raja Omar (my grandma) and Lailawati bte Zakaria (my mama)". It's like, he's the leader. Alhamdulillah. All of you are together, finally. All of you stay close to each other. I'm happy for you Tok Bob.

Then all of us were needed to bury him. It was tiring...I wish that moment lasts. Then, came the 'talkin' part. Sad looking faces were everywhere. I thought nobody would come..but it turned out, a number of them paid the final tribute to Tok Bob. Alhamdulillah.

A million thanx to Pak De, Tokki and Pak Nasir for comforting me and my brothers. We will be having the tahlil starting tomorrow...and I don't know until when.

Faez and his friends; Joe and Pi packed Tok Bob's stuffs and belongings. It was throbbing seeing some gifts from my dad weren't even opened..and they were still wrapped and in good shape. Notice that I haven't mentioned about abah. Up to this moment, abah is not here. We couldn't wait for him. He's still in Sabah. I'm sorry for abah too....don't worry, we will go to Tok Bob's new home together.

I still can't believe Tok Bob's gone. It was so fast. I still have his glass filled with his last sip of tea. I still have his inhaler in my room. I still have his kain pelekat which I just washed it last night. I still have his favorite ball pen. I still have his vomit on his pillow. I still can smell his scent in his room. I still keep his slippers. We have tidied up his room...one thing that is missing...Tok Bob. I wish he could stay...I really do.

His last words to me was.."Mad, Tok Bob nak rehat kejap..." That wasn't short! Wake up Tok Bob, pleaseeeeee.... I thought I could hear him breathing...but...he left us..he left me... I know he loves Faez the most..but it's ok..Faez spent too much time with him compared to me... Thank you bro...You're the best brother I've ever had!

Right now, I really miss wiping his vomit on his chest. I really miss holding his hands at night before he sleeps. I like watching him sleeping. Sometimes, he sleeps like a baby, hugging tight his bantal golek. I am going to miss that. I miss Tok Bob! I miss talking to him loudly. I miss holding his hands when he walks. I miss listening to his nag. I miss putting nice clothes on him. I miss slipping in the right shoes for him. I miss hugging him. I miss his fish curry!!! I miss him. I miss Tok Bob.

Tok Bob, you are my Mom and Dad! You have completed me. You gave life to me. It's been a great honor for me to take care of you and serve you till the day you took the flight.

Lastly, goodbye my darling Tok Bob, have a safe journey......................sleep well.