Moved..........spiritual barakah?

Time is the essence of every human's life. Time is the key to set things straight, right where it used to be. Time is the ordeal that makes you want to forget. Time kills whoever gets in between; sometimes. Time is the greatest teacher in our lives.

Along the path, people make changes. They alter their lives. I am talking about the path of life. When changes happen, it affects what surrounds them; the society. Sometimes, the decision is horrendously awful. Sometimes, it is inexplicably wonderful. Most of the times, it is just merely a standard decision.

Have you ever made stupid decisions in life? I have. Have you ever felt any regret? I have. Have you ever wished that you can turn the hands of time? Absolutely. However, what's done is done. Turning back seems to be invalid. Even if you may successfully change the past, it will one way or another affect the future. So, be it.

Actually, what I am about to write is a bit contradicting to the 'so, be it' theory. There is one thing that makes me feel dispirited; FAMILY issue. Contradicting, arguing and fighting. Who does not do that? How long has it been since you last fought with your parents? For something which is so ridiculously absurd???!

I wish I can switch and alter the past into something colorful rather than red. I despise myself for arguing too much with my dad. I hate myself for not being so attached with him. I hate myself for hating him, mostly. People keep telling me that it's 'hormonal' thing or whatever. But, I am not a 100% believer so I don't really buy that.

Do you believe in realistic idealism? It's a philosophy based on evidence. It is a philosophy about humanity. One way or another, it involves what surrounds us. According to this, the dynamics of family interaction shapes the result of a person. It shapes the attitudes of a person. So, if a person is unattached from his/her parents, he/she is most likely to end up...questioning about their lifestyles, the decisions they make and also...questions about God and faith.

Of course, I am not a total holder of such philosophy. Yet, I question a lot. I admit, I had series of painful memories during my childhood where most decisions were made by my father. But, I rebelled. I went across the fine line (between right and wrong), again drawn by him. Back then, I did not see the implication of my reactions. I might have won the battle of freedom, but I have lost to the lovable karma.

A word to attend to; "BARAKAH". What brings barakah into this life? What is best for us? Yesterday, I had a class (C.I.E) with a great persona; Puan Rohaya. She talked about barakah and happiness. It MOVED me somehow. I was crying...deep inside. I believe what she said. It's true.

Barakah of a child comes from his/her parents. According to her, happiness only derives with the presence of barakah. If a parent is unhappy with you (yourself/your decisions in life/both), it's hard for barakah to shine. You might be happy today. What about the day after? That's how it works.

I feel the pain. I feel the loneliness. I feel the unhappiness and the never-ending desire to love. I feel them. I don't see the barakah in my life. To some extent, I feel like I am unwanted in this life; that I am just another loveless boy in the world. Quite an issue, eyh. But it's true.

After the class, I promised myself not to make my father unhappy again. I wish to make him happy; for him and for me. I love him, I do. I regret myself for rebelling against him. I regret myself for winning most of the fights. I regret myself for hurting him. Above all, I regret my brainless decisions.

Barakah. Will it ever shine in me? Will it touch my heart? I hope my life will be filled with happiness and barakah one day. I hope I will be happy with whatever still left of me. I hope. I wish.

To all out there, respect your parents, love them, make them happy even though if it means to suppress your thoughts and emotion. Most of the times, they know what's best for you. They are all you've got.

Strive for your happiness fulfillment and barakah!