Today is a happy and joyful day. For one reason, more family members are coming home...the latest is by tonight. Small kids are playing outside. Look at how young those peeps are!!! Those who are anxiously waiting for SPM results are outside, having some friends over, grilling and stuff. Those who travel to JB are coming home tonight. We are waiting to celebrate the reunion party. Well, sort of. It is just coincidental. Everyone happens to be at the same place and at the same time. That's all.
A reason to cherish this day. An occasion when almost everyone treasures and seizes the moment. I am talking about picture perfect; "Family Portrait". Time to seal the misery inside and put on some smileys for the portrait. How happy it is. Awesome.
Yet, I find myself still wrapped in the blanket, unexcited. I have not taken my bath yet. I find myself hungry, not taking my meal since morning. I find myself swollen out of crying. When I woke up just now, I thought everything was just a bad dream...being the 'unwanted' things that happened recently. Not to mention the unsolved mystery which took place for over a month now. Still unsolved. (Sigh). It's freaking real! It's never a dream!
Why am I not happy? I think I am bleeding. Literally and figuratively. I am not feeling well. I am tired, so flaming tired. How I wish to have someone or something to rejuvenate me. I need to reboot and refresh now!
I've cut myself...just right at the end of my right lips. Huh?! Does that even make any sense? I am tired. My excuse for today's activity and events: "Tak sihat..." I've learned a trivial thing today. People, ketahuilah bahawa menangis itu sangat memenatkan. Crying is never easy for me. Seriously, it's hard to see me crying. Maybe my ego is high for a small guy. For an awkward reason, I have been crying endlessly since last night. Trust me...it was HORRIBLE! Horrid. I don't want to cry anymore! (So much for "cry, baby cry.")
Yeay! I know now that not everything last. Wait. NOTHING lasts actually, not even us, the fleshed soul. One day, we will leave, one way or another. They say; time heals everything. Now, time is the only thing I need to redeem and reflect. I need time to stand up again. I need time to crave a smile on my face. I need time to heal. I need time to meet people. Blimey!!! I'm so wrecked! Seriously busted up! (Sigh)
Now that everything is clear. I'll try my best not to cry anymore. It's tiring...too tiring, as a matter of fact. For what is worth, I'm sorry I've caused any of you out there trouble. I'm sorry for everything. I am not perfect. I try to be the best. I tried to paint rainbow in your world but all I've painted was red. Sorry. Sorry for everything.
It's breezy outside. But, it won't calm my restless heart. I wish the breeze in the wind can put me to rest and heal the wound. Who am I to ask all these? I am just a minute voice. Nobody hears when I scream. Nobody could care less. It's ok. I'll just scream and shout within my all-embracing blanket. It's ok.
Time to go now. My body will leave and go elsewhere with other moving subjects in this house, but my soul remains here, inside the blanket. I know there is the place where I'll be safe.
I love you. I'll always love you. Even when you are yards away, I'll still love you. Priceless, timeless. That's what you are to me. You are my everything. I hope we can be friends in the future. "Hello there, my name is Niza. Please to meet you."
Happiness relies much on the timing. If the timing is wrong, all you can get is finding yourself trapped in a soulless moving train. Without any laughter. It doesn't make sense, does it?! It's ok. One day, you'll understand me.
I'll say goodnight now. Nite peeps.
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