My Special Friend Part 1 :-)

"Whether it's a friendship or relationship, all bonds are built on trust. Without it, you have nothing."

Let me tell you a story. There was once a boy. He used to be happy, cute and cuddly. He used to open up to people. He used to trust everyone. He was a positive boy. Cheerful. Once. Over the years, he lost his faith in people. Why? This world is filled with pretenders, plastic people, liars and deceivers. All fake. It's true after all when they say; "Once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. You have this fear that everyone you like is going to break your heart". Everybody has motives in life. Mine is to seek for REAL friendship. A real bond without LIES. A connection where you feel free to share things. A spot where you can cry when you are sad and laugh together when you are happy. A true friendship when we can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets, no lies, without pretense. What's yours?

That boy has gone through a lot. Lie after lie. Faker after faker. Pretender after pretender. Plastic. He used to feel down, even lower than the ground. Lower. But he moved on. The word "trust" seems farfetched in his dictionary. He built a wall. Tall and thick. The door is almost shut for people to enter. Very few people got through the door. Only if he feels secured that he let people in. Until then, there's no way you could enter the door. 

Dear special friend whom I treat you so special,

You see, when I let you in, it means I believe in you. When I believe in you, I trust you. Seriously, I understand that you have commitment(s). You have so many things to get a grip on. You have so many hearts to tender for. And I'm one of them. The thing is, I don't mind. I only wish you to be true to yourself and be REAL to me. Have I lied to you? Maybe my smile did/does. I smile to hide my feelings. I smile because I want you to be happy my friend. 

Oh, don't worry. You are still special to me. The things we shared. The laughter. The hugs. The kisses. All cherished. No worries. Stop lying to me. What hurts me the most is when you look into my eyes and lie straight to my face. No guilt. Keep smiling dear. Remember, one day you will feel how I felt/feel. I believe God is fair.

Remember that day I asked you to be honest with me? And you promised me that one thing. Sort of. But you lied, again. Please. No more lies. I'm a grown up. You are my friend. A special one indeed. I can take it. I understand. Aku faham lah. Seriously. Why? Aku tak jealous pun. Why should I? You are not even mine pun! When you lie, you lost a bit of trust in me. Bit by bit. And for what you know, the feeling's gone. Takpe. It's ok. I'm used to those crap. Dah biasa. Cumanya, I just hope....sikit je... please don't lie if you see me as a friend. Right now, sorry to say, you don't see me as a friend. Not even a person. I am nothing but an option or worse, just a toy.

Again, it's ok. Dah biasa. I'm ok with how you treat me. Maybe this is another ujian for me. A test to see whether I am weak. But my dear friend, I will try my best to discover my strengths and go through this test. Alhamdulillah. I wish to say it's karma. But no! It's called kaffarah. What you give, you'll get it back. Allah is fair.

One thing you taught me; "Berperasaan biar berpada-pada". Very true. Wanna know why? We should not depend too much on anyone in this world because even our own shadow leaves us when we are in darkness!

Here's a poem to ponder:

I thought you were special and different
But really,
You’re just like everyone else.
Don’t you have any sense of compassion or guilt?
Anything at all?
I don’t know how you can sleep at night
Knowing who you really are.
You keep acting happier than before
And I can’t take it any more.
Thank you my special friend
For all beautiful lies you gave me.

p/s to my special friend - Whenever you're having a bad day, remember this: I love you. There is always someone who cares for you without your knowledge and that someone is me. Kawan itu ibarat belon. Kalau dilepaskan, tak mungkin dapat cari balik. So, that's why I'm tying you to my heart so I won't lose you. That's the VALUE of my friendship! Itu nilai seorang sahabat buatku!

"Teman sejati diibaratkan seperti permata; berharga dan jarang dijumpai.

Teman palsu diibaratkan seperti daun; kat merata tempat ada."