Dear booby...

Dear booby,

Silly. How could I not wish you on this special day?! I drafted this earlier but the way you ignored me… urgh. How could I not personally wish you when you are one of the persons I love most in this life??! Though we are not physically together, there’s no way I would not send you this wish. 

I know I was not the first person to wish you ‘Happy birthday’ but I certainly wanna be the last. I wish I could personally sing you the three birthday songs I used to sing like the years before..but…

Booby, You know how I wanna be with you on your special day but… I guess some things are just not meant to be… Dear booby, my booby.. I know that we don’t always think alike or agree with each other all the time. I know that we see life in different ways but what really matter is we’re still together. I know you’ve done a lot for me and sacrificed a lot too. I am thankful for the things you did, the patience you put to make me stay. Thank you for having enlightened my life with your love booby. :(

Also, I know I don’t always show my feelings but just so you know.. you are still the best thing in my life, my booby. You really mean everything to me! I love you. I love you! I love you!

My birthday present for you is.. a promise of my whole lot of love for you. I hope your birthday was as special as you are booby!

Happy birthday booby!

p/s - I am sorry for everything. I don't blame you if you hate me now. I won't be angry if you wanna leave me now. It's okay. Whether I'm there or not, you will be fine.

Sincerely,

me, kunji.

Here’s a song for you.. How I wish I could be there and hug you now :(

Next Plane Home – Daniel Powter

I woke up early to baby blue eyes from afar whoah whoah

And when the sun comes through and lights you like the angel you are whoah whoah

I know I do you wrong when I'm with you I've been gone

With every season change, it looks the same november to june whoah whoah

And dont these empty streets skip a beat the flowers dont bloom whoah whoah

I can't believe I missed your birthday again

And I wanna come back but I just don't know when now

And I'm so lonely your not here with me

That's way I'm gonna be on the next plane home

The road that never ends around the bend I see your smile whoah whoah

I'd swim across the sea to be with you for a while whoah whoah

Cos I've made a life of been gone

Now the way that I feel I just don't belong

And I'm so lonely you're not here with me

Thats why I'm gonna be on the next plane home

And you're you're the only face I wanna see

Thats why I'm gonna be on the next plane home

Stand around try to make every moment

And be somebody yeah anybody

It seems the whole world is taking me over

I need somebody to help me get back to

And I've always been a million miles away

But things are gonna change

I just wanna come home

And you're you're the only face I wanna see

That's why I gonna be on the next plane home

Yeah I'm taking the next plane home

Now I'm getting the next plane home

Now I'm taking the next plane home

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5E4j_n17cTI

Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/danielpowter/nextplanehome.html

Fix you

Fix You ~ Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face and I

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM

Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/coldplay/fixyou.html 

Please don't let me go

A song by Olly Murs; "Please don't let me go". I love you :) xoxo
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toZfGJl3pwU

"Please Don't Let Me Go"

Where do I begin?
Should I tell you
How bad I need you now
You're underneath my skin
But I'm confused

My head is spinning all around
I waited so long
I need to know, darling
What is on your mind

[Pre-Chorus:]
Normally I try to run
And I might even want to hide
'cause I never knew what I wanted
'til I looked into your eyes
So am I in this alone?
What I'm looking for is a sign
That you feel how I feel for you

[Chorus:]
Baby please don't let me go
Baby please don't let me go
Baby please don't let me go
No, please don't let me go
Baby no, no, no, no

Babadeedada

What else can I say?
(Can I say)
My heart is beating double time, yeah
And do you feel the same?
(Do you feel the same)
Don't leave me in the dark, no
But baby don't put out this spark, no
I waited so long
I need to know, darling
What is on your mind

[Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus]

Caught in the inquisition
Under these conditions
I need a definition
Is it love that we're sharing?
Show me that you're caring
You see my fascination
Tell me I'm not mistaken
Give me the information I need

1, 2, 3

[Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus:]
Baby, please don't let me go (Don't let me go)
Baby, please don't let me go (Don't let me go)
Baby, please don't let me go (Don't let me go)
No, please don't let me go
Baby no, no, no, no

Di

Dear buDDy,

I know you are in a very difficult position right now. Your son is like my own son. I’d like the idea of being a co-father to him. I wish to express this; I treasure your precious son, your wife and most importantly; YOU. I love everything about you. Ok that’s it. You won’t get to hear me saying those a lot but I seriously mean it. I just hope that you will involve me in your life and not just looking for me when you need me. Thank you for wanting to be a part of my life, a very important part of my life. I love you.

I am deeply sorry you have to be in this position but trust me buddy, God has plans for you. I always pray for Zayyan and I somehow believe he is strong like his Baba. I can’t wait to spend time with him in the near future and forever. So please keep me updated and keep your promises Baba! To be honest Di, I am beginning to fall in love with him too. Such adorable thing, so sweet and pure! So, be strong for him Baba and insyaAllah he’ll be back in pink and stomp this world soon!

Oh boy buDDy,

Never have I imagined to have met someone who can turn my world around. We practically share everything Di. We tell each other things we have never shared with another soul and we accept everything about us. We share hopes for the future too #iwannagrowoldwithyou. You are someone I cannot wait to share things with. You are someone who is not embarrassed to cry in front of me or together with me. You cry along knowing I am hurting and laugh as I make a fool of myself. 

With you, I can freely be myself and not worry what you will think of me because I know deep down, you love me for who I am. The thing about us is, even the things that seem insignificant to most people such as random selfies, pointless drive here and there, pointless lying in bed doing nothing and songs dedication become invaluable treasures kept safe in our hearts to cherish forever. Honestly, the endless phone calls and texts help me a lot to get through the day and they never fail to bring smile to my face. The colors of the world seem brighter and more brilliant! 

With you Di, there is no need for continuous conversation but I am happy just by having you close. Things that never interested me before become fascinating because I know they are important for you. I think of you on every occasion and in everything I do. Every morning, waking up with the thought of you makes my day brighter. Every night, I keep hoping to find you in my dreams. 

In you, I find my strength knowing I have a special true buddy who will remain loyal to the end. I wish to be a significant part in your life till the end too. Special buddy, that’s what you are!

Di,

If I could give you one thing in life, I’d give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes! Only then would you realize how very special you are to me Di!

I love you.

#bestill

#howlongwilliloveyou

#iwannagrowoldwithyou

#everydayiloveyou

#dontletmego

di, don't let me go...

Don't Let Me Go - Click Five

I can see your shadow laying in the moonlight

I can feel your heartbeat playing on my right side

Every night I long for this, makin' up what I miss

I can hear you breathing letting out a sad sigh

You try so hard to hide your scars

Always on your guard

(Chorus)

Don't, don't let me go

Don't make me hold on when you're not

Don't, don't turn away

What can I say so you won't

No don't, don't let me go...

I can see the skyline fading in the distance

Tears are comin' down

I'm trying just to make sense

I don't listen to the radio just the engine and the road

I wonder if my words are makin' any difference

I dream and then it seems to end

But always comes again

(Chorus)

Don't, don't let me go

Don't make me hold on when you're not

Don't, don't turn away

What can I say so you won't

No don't, don't let me go...

I'm comin' down

to where you're standing

I need you now or you'll be watchin'

me hit the ground

with crash landing...

(Chorus)

Don't, don't let me go

Don't make me hold on when you're not

Don't, don't turn away

What can I say so you won't

No don't, don't let me go...

Don't let me go...

Don't let me go...

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_08BBIGkwA8

Lyrics: http://www.metrolyrics.com/dont-let-me-go-lyrics-click-five.html

I have found you

Dear God, please let me keep my 'Booby' forever, please...

Throughout life, you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to this person for hours and never get bored. You could tell them things, even the most awkward or private things and they won't judge you. You could drive endlessly holding hands, sweating and still want to hold hands. You could just lie down, do nothing and still feel special. This person is your soulmate, your heart, your best friend, your special buddy.

I have found mine. 
It's you; 'Booby'.

You are my song!

This isn't just a song

Whenever I hear the song,

I can't help but remember

the moments from then.

As I walk, passing a place

I can't help but stop

What am I supposed to do?

I can't help that this song

isn't just another song anymore.

I wanna grow old with you!

 So be still my heart because every day I love you as long as the stars are above you.

The price of loving you

(This is just a fictional note. None related to any living known)

Angry? No. Disappointed? Yes. I love you so much. I do. You are someone special to me. Sangat-sangat special. In fact, tak pernah ade orang yang sangat special macam kau. You spoke to me about self-control. Kawal itu, kawal ini. Banyak kali, kau remind aku.. jangan Za, jangan buat bende2 tu. Semua benda aku inform kau. Bukan niat nak buat kau jeolous, jauh sekali nak buat kau sakit hati. Cuma nak bagi tau betapa bangga nya aku dapat lawan bende2 ni semua Di. Kau bangga tak dengan aku? You should. 

As far as I am with you, not even once I doubt or have prejudice in you. I trustED you. I really did. Yes, memang benda kecik. Tak jumpa pun Za. Tak buat pun Za. Tak ada apa pun Za. Itu semua benda lama. Yes! Yes! Yes! Tapi benda-benda lama tu masa kita masih kawan kan? Or should I say our 'special' friendship?! Let me tell you something Di. It is not about buat ke atau tak buat. It is about TRUST! And it is about our PROMISES! Why Di? Why???

Aku ada buat salah ke Di? Kau dah bosan dengan aku ke Di? Kau dah tak sayang aku ke Di? I am sorry aku bukak phone kau. Originally, I wanted to look at our old pictures together (if you still have them). Mula-mula, aku tak jumpa pun gambar-gambar kita? Kau cakap kau simpan and selalu tengok time bosan and rindu aku. Tapi.... Aku sedih. Mungkin aku dah tak penting. Dah tak 'special' maybe. Takpe lah.. nak buat macam mana. Just so you know, gambar-gambar kau dan gambar-gambar kita lah yang jadi peneman aku kat sana. Bukan time bosan saje, tapi setiap masa. Why? Sebab aku rindu kau sangat-sangat Di. Aku sayang kau sangat-sangat Di.

Then aku gatal tangan nak baca whatsapp. Ye lah. Aku dah tak jadi 'Sayang' kau dah. So confrim la nama aku tak ada sayang. Tak apa. Aku faham. And aku dah terima dah semua tu. Kalau kau ingat, susah sangat aku nak terima, tapi aku telan jugak. Why? Sebab dah janji and hashtags: #I wanna grow old with you #Be still #Cinta sesungguhnya #How long will I love you. Sebab aku sayang. Sangat-sangat sayang. And I am okay dengan transition ni.

Tapi, as I scrolled down, I was surprised. Curious at first. Mesej2 kau. Trading pictures lagi. Nak jumpa lagi. Aku tersentak sekejap. Speechless. Time tu, aku kat depan. Banyak nye mesej2 mengarut tu. Ramai nye. Before aku berderai, aku terus masuk bilik. Panasnye tak ada kipas. Aku paksa pejam mata nak lupa sume bende yang aku tengok tadi. Tak jadi. Kau masuk bawak kipas. Kau tanya aku; "Nape ni Za..." Aku sedih la. Orang yang aku anggap sangat2 special...lagi special dari family sendiri sanggup buat macam tu.

Semalam, kau tanya kenapa aku senyap. Tak suka aku senyap. Aku senyap sebab aku nak control. Kalau aku cakap, aku takut aku tak dapat tahan and nangis. So, aku pun senyap. Mesti kau sakit hati. Tapi aku lagi sakit. Aku tak tau macam mana nak deal dengan bende ni. Dah lah susah aku nak terima tansition kau, ni bende baru pulak. Memang benda lama. Tapi waktu kita masih 'special' kan? Kan? Entahlah. Aku yang berlebih-lebih kot.

Ingat lagi tak time kite janji dulu? I placed a huge amount of trust in you Di. Aku sangat2 sayang kau. Aku jaga semua gerak-geri aku, walau jauh kat sana. Padahal, boleh je aku nak 'menyundal' (if that's the language you use). Tapi aku control. Aku kecewa. I am beyond disappointed in you. Again kau cakap, "Tak buat apa2 pun la Za". That is NOT the point. Mana kepercayaan yang aku letak dulu Di. Aku ingat kita sama-sama dalam bende ni. Now, aku rasa macam aku sorang2 je. 

Kenapa kau buat aku macam ni??? Kau tak pernah fikir pasal aku ke? Aku ni.. benda2 kecik
pun aku akan ingat kau. "Takpe ke buat ni, nanti Di tak suka". So, aku tak buat. Mungkin salah aku. Kau dah rimas dengan aku. Kau dah tak anggap aku special lagi. Takpe lah. Nak buat macam mana. Serious, aku ingat kau lain. Lain dari yang pernah aku jumpa. Tapi bila kau buat aku macam ni, aku sedih. Kau pun sama. Kau khianat aku! What about 'Sayang' kau? Kau tak fikir pasal dia ke? Benda yang dia kendong tu? Kau sanggup buat macam tu?

Ye, kecik je. Tak buat apa pun. Betul. Tapi dari benda 'kecik' tu lah yang aku buat jadi 'besar'. Ringan2? Sedih aku. Sedih sangat2. Tak pernah ke kau fikir selama ni, aku asyik mintak gambar2 kau. For what? Kalau aku mintak gambar orang lain? Will you be okay? I stick to you. Sbab aku TAKNAK orang lain!!! I just want YOU! Why can't you see that??? Aku sayang kau sangat2. If this is the price for loving you, aku terima. Besar sangat harga yang aku bayar.

Aku maafkan kau Di. Aku maafkan. Aku faham, susah nak kawal benda2 ni kan. Betul kan? Dulu aku cite kat kau betapa susah aku nak lawan bende2 ni. What did you say? "Ko boleh Za. Ko kene kuat. Ko kene lawan semua tu.." One way of fighting bende2 ni is... tak mesej sape2. I learned my lesson. Dari mesej2 pergi ke romantik2. Dari situ pergi ke tukar2 gambar. Dari gambar biasa nak gambar yang luar biasa. Dari situ ajak jumpa. Dah jumpa? Entah la, do the math. 

Aku nak kau tau yang kau sangat special dalam hidup aku. Kau pun kenal aku. Betapa susah nya aku nak percaya orang. Aku percaya kat kau! Aku sayang kau! Kau pun tau aku sayang kau! Ya Allah, berat nya kepala aku. Aku rasa kau akan anggap aku special bila aku dah takde kot. Kau akan ingat aku bila aku dah takde kot. Mungkin aku perlu 'takde' baru kau nak sayang aku. Sedihnya.

Kau nak aku yang dulu? How? Tell me how? Aku nak sangat2 macam dulu. Aku happy sangat2 dapat jumpa kau. Seminggu tak jumpa pun aku dah rasa lama sangat. Ni pulak berbulan-bulan. Aku bahagia sangat2 dapat pegang tangan kau, dapat tengok muka kau. Dapat pegang pipi kau, bibir kau, hidung kau, kening kau, rambut kau. Tuhan je tau betapa happy nye aku. Thank you sangat2 bagi aku peluang jumpa kau. Aku cuba nak buat benda2 yang pernah kita buat dulu. Tapi, adakah masih sama perasaan tu?

Aku sayang kau sangat2. Dulu bila kau decide nak bina hidup baru, aku lah orang yang paling lambat nak boleh terima kenyataan tu. Sebulan aku ambil masa baru dapat kekuatan tengok gambar2 'baru' kau. Aku sedih and happy jugak. Sekali lagi bila ade 'orang baru' nak datang dalam hidup kau, aku orang yang paling lambat dapat terima. Aku rasa kau akan makin jauh. Masa yang ada untuk aku dengan kau makin lama makin sikit. Aku sedih. Tapi aku telan semua tu.

Aku rasa aku tak buat kau happy. Sebab tu berkali-kali aku mintak kau lepaskan aku. Tapi kau tak nak. Kau cakap aku special. Kau cakap kau sayang aku. Kau cakap kau tak boleh hidup takde aku. Kau cakap kau tak boleh. Aku terima semua tu. Aku sayang kau sangat2. Jujurnya Di, berapa 'Sayang' kau ada? Satu? Dua? Tiga? Sepuluh? Sape aku Di?

Please. Answer me honestly. Please... aku merayu kau untuk sayang aku sampai bila2. Kau kata nak tua sama2. Kau kata nak aku jaga kau bila sakit. Kau kata nak sama2 share anak2. Kau kata family aku family ko jgk. Semua kau yang kata. Kau yang janji. Kau yang cakap kat aku. Kau yang nasihat aku. Kau yang tegur aku. Tapi bila kau yang buat? You broke my heart in pieces when you broke our promises.

Kau masih sayang aku ke? Kalau betul, aku merayu sangat2 kau tak buat dah bende2 tu. Aku merayu sangat2. And, kalau kau sayang aku, aku merayu sangat2 kau spend masa sementara aku ada kat sini. Aku tau kau ade komitmen, tapi aku tak lama kat sini. Boleh ke lagi jumpa next time? Aku tak tau. Please. Sampai 25 July ni je. Aku tau besar permintaan aku ni. Tapi, aku nak sangat2 spend masa dengan kau puas2. Entahlah.

I love you. I still love you. You are so special. The most special.
Thank you for everything.

5 things in my bucket list for you

Let's create memories :(

1. To shower together.

2. To travel together OR go somewhere memorable OR spend the most memorable vacation together on one weekend OR buy each other something memorable.

3. To hold hands, hug, kiss a lot, wear same outfits and do things together while I'm around.

4. To get at least a kiss on the forehead, look me in the eyes and say "I love you" as often as you can, whenever you get the chance.

5. To say goodbye without crying.

Duration: 29 June - 24 July

Every day I love you

"Every Day I Love You"

 Boyzone

I don't know, but I believe

That some things are meant to be

And that you'll make a better me

Everyday I love you

I never thought that dreams came true

But you showed me that they do

You know that I learn something new

Everyday I love you

'Cos I believe that destiny

Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)

And you'll never live until you love

With all your heart and soul.

It's a touch when I feel bad

It's a smile when I get mad

All the little things I am

Everyday I love you

Everyday I love you more

Everyday I love you

'Cos I believe that destiny

Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)

And you'll never live until you love

With all your heart and soul

If I asked would you say yes?

Together we're the very best

I know that I am truly blessed

Everyday I love you

And I'll give you my best

Everyday I love you

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QQQKJJBJOY

Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/boyzone/everydayiloveyou.html