Maafkan aku

Dear you,
I am sorry if ever I hurt you in any way. I know I have caused you nothing but pain and misery. You must be tired of me by now. I am sorry.

I do not know where to start. I do not know where to go. I do not know how to handle this. It hurts.

Saying "I love you" is easy. Do you know what it means? It is easy to say "I miss you". Do you know the meaning of that? Do you know how much I miss you? Do you?

I do. It hurts knowing you are no longer here by my side. Today, one of my close friends lost his father. Innalillah. For once, it crosses my mind that this is such a short life. People come, people go. That is life. If I were to die today, I would want you to be by my side. Next to me. Just hold my hand and tell me our stories and the memories we shared together. If today was my last day, I would want to spend the day with you.

It is such a heavy load I am carrying on my back. Right now, I just want one day to spend with you. 24 hours. It will be just you and me. We get to do whatever we want, no interference and no one else. Just us. That is all I want right now. But it is impossible, right?

The truth is, when you call me sayang, I know I am not the only one. I wish this would be over now, but I know I still love you and I cannot live without you. Sucks, big time! The worst feeling is even if I spend the whole day with you, I MISS YOU the second you leave!!! Told ya, it is heavy..

Love is when it does not matter how much time you spend together, at the end of the day you keep missing him all the time. That is exactly what I am going through right now!

Someone told me it is okay to be sad, but not forever. In my case, it looks forever already. Endless. You want to know something? Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem! Crying all night, lack of sleep and thinking about you all the time make my eyes droopy.

Long time ago, a love 'doctor' told me that there are two things in life you will never have to chase:
1) True friend
2) True love

The thing is, I have found both in you. That makes it even more complicated. It hurts. I do not know what to do now. Please let me know how I can make this better. Honestly, I love you too much that I do not know how to move on. 

p/s - I love you and I miss you. I know the meaning of "I love you" and "I miss you". But you...