Leaving on a Jet Plane

Hey there bloggy,

It's been a while, isn't it... Well, here I am now... Each day is a struggle for me now... I don't know how to cope with my feelings once I'm gone. I hope I am strong enough not to cry. Hey, I am leaving for a good reason, aren't I? Don't worry buddy, I will always remember you. When I come back, you will be the first person whom I would like to see. I'll hug you real tight that day. Please don't forget me buddy. I love you.

Anyway, I think I haven't posted some of my favorite tracks for a while now. This is definitely one of my favorites. Come to think of it, many of us love this wonderful song. It's called "Leaving on a Jet Plane" (written in 1966), performed by John Denver. Of course, you can find thousands making cover on this one but what's better than the original, right?!

Here it goes...

John Denver - Leaving on a Jet Plane

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go I'm standin' here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say goodbye But the dawn is breakin' It's early morn The taxi's waitin' He's blowin' his horn Already I'm so lonesome I could die
So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down So many times I've played around I tell you now, they don't mean a thing Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring
So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you One more time Let me kiss you Then close your eyes I'll be on my way Dream about the days to come When I won't have to leave alone About the times, I won't have to say
Oh, kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go
But, I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go

Still can't...

Battling. Struggling. Trying my best to hide this stupid feeling. Sucks. It still hurts. It does.

But I'm trying my best to cope.. it's okay. I'll try harder.

Note to self: it's okay..it's okay

Ya Allah, if only he knows how difficult this is for me... let me please have the strength to go through this, ameen...

😂😅😢😟😳😶

I remember...

I remember...
 
20 July 2014. I went silent. All the way. Cold. Something went off. The soothing air we breathed in Kelantan could not soothe my heart. I was furious. I was angry at myself. I was angry because I could not control my over zealous feeling for you. I was angry because I felt so close with you yet so far from you. I felt jealous for the attention you gave to someone else (you know who). I was stupid. I was foolish. I was silent. You were hurt. You cried. You burst into tears. You could not endure my cold-swing responses. After many months spent with you, that was my first time crying hard in front of you. Thank you for making me cry and sorry for the tears I caused you that night. I remember.

6 Aug 2014. The day I lost my way. I took a wrong turn. I thought the road I took was going to be a smooth ride but I was wrong. The love I felt (which I still feel) was over the top that even a flick of small thing made me jealous and out of control. I was jealous of the attention you gave that person (you know who). I was jealous because I know I will be your past and that person will definitely be your future. One day, I will just be a pick of your random memory. Maybe one day, I'll be swooshed away from your memory or maybe I will not even be in your memory trove. I'm sorry that I love you this way. I remember.

7 Aug 2014. I went silent... again. You patiently waited for me... again. Sorry (you know who you are) for hurting you.. again. I did not mean to hurt you. In fact, I love you so extreme that I could go mental if I had to lose you one day. Seriously.This time, I felt that I could no longer endure the pain. I had to isolate myself and tell you. Sorry for not joining your 'burger' treat for dinner. I admitted I was selfish. I wanted you all for myself. Just me, no one else. What a selfish bitch I was (still am!)! I love you so extreme that I want you just for myself. I rejected the idea of sharing that moment! I just want you! Again, out of my nonchalant gesture, I cried. The SECOND time I cried because of you! I know you cried before confronting me. I know. I'm sorry. I remember!

All the promises I made... I remember! Growing old together, to be there for each other (for as long as you need me), to be a friend, to be your bestesttesttest buddy forever, to be there next to each other through thick and thin and to love one another, to change for the better me and never look at my dark path I once took and to be yours forever. I remember. I remember!

What should I do now?! How to fix this? How to mend this swollen heart? How? I don't have the slightest idea on how to make you happy while I suffer from deep misery! I love you. I do! Can I have you forever in my life?

I will remember you, always!

Munafik Hati

"It's Ok!"

I say "It's Ok" when it is not. I smile when it actually hurts. I laugh when it is not even funny. I pretend to live when I am actually dying. See?! All my pretentious lies?! I lie to look tough.  

I'm a big boy now after all.

"It's Ok!"

A letter of freedom, love and promises...

I thank Allah everyday for lending me a truly special buddy like you, even for a while...

Hey there buddy,

Another day with your fond presence in my life. Thank you buddy for everything to date. Right now, I feel free. Free from the guilt of this pretentious world. Free from plastic people. Just free. 

I just wanna say thanks for saving me and guiding me through. I was no longer an active member of my previous, dark social circle. That was then. I stopped. Honestly, no more. I am tired of such crappy life. I have decided to dedicate my life for someone whom I will call "My wife" soon. The truth is, I will no longer look back and make a u-turn. I have already stopped even before you walked into my life buddy. Seriously.

Dear buddy, my special buddy. I was a dog. A miserable dog before I met you. I was long a slave for my own fake path. You saved me. You tore my chain. You detached the knots. You released my pain. You fixed the dots. You gave me hope. You helped me to cope. For those, I thank you. I know I cannot repay your kindness. You can't see my sincere tears for now but I am crying as I write... not because I am sad but happy instead. I believe I have made the right decision to stop. I have put an end to my past. I pray that my past will not haunt my future, ameen. 

You are my strength for now. You are almost my everything. You filled 1/3 of my heart. Be still buddy, next to my family and my future wife-to-be. Be still there my love, my special one. I have faith in you. I believe I can survive this with your love. I hope you will love me forever. I hope you will not fade away, not even in my dreams. Dear God, let me have my special buddy for the rest of my life. Thanks for showing me that there is true friendship out there, still. Thank you.

My days are filled with colorful pictures of you now. I feel you and I think about you every second I breathe. You are my angel. For days we spent together, I thank you. I do not know how will I go on without your presence. Will I have the strength to say goodbye one day? I doubt that. I have to accept that you will not be there for me everyday. My days with you are cut short. I know that we will have to part somehow. I hope I will not cry when the day comes. "Goodbye" is the hardest word to say to you and "Goodbye" is the saddest word I will ever hear from you. Please know this in case if I am no longer around. My feelings for you are real. My love for you is true. I love you, I do.

Lastly, I know that paper will turn yellow. We will age. We will grow old, very old. I hope you keep your promises too. To stay old together. To share our lives together. To love each other forever. As for me, until the day I breathe my final breath, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU. When I hear love, I think of you. You are so kind, thoughtful and caring. You are so pleasant, lovely and sharing. I love you.

Thank you.


Sincerely,

Your special buddy.