New chapter.

The past few weeks really tested my everything. Literally everything I had for you. I guess it’s true after all when they say; you can’t buy happiness and you can’t buy trust. Earning trust is truly hard but breaking it is easy. It takes only one stupid lie to end everything. But you? Not just one… go count yourself.

All I did the past few weeks was just wait, wait and wait. I kept on waiting till I had no idea what I was waiting for. What was I expecting from you? To counter, yeah.. ko kene faham Za.. bukan sekangkang kera..bla bla bla. You used to go that extra miles to prove that you meant what you said. What gives? Why now? I don’t see anything changes. 

So I have a family now. So? It’s not like we’re making out like lovers. No. Simply put, it’s the effort you make, not the excuses you create. It was ok before this. What gives? Why now? So you’re a big shot now? I get it. Just because I don’t have anything atm, doesn’t mean I don’t have my pride intact?! I told you, it will be like this till you finally decide to confront and face me. Be a man.

I guess, you no longer matter to me just as I no longer matter to you. I don't remember treating you this shitty Booby. Have I ever??? I am trying to remove you from my life. We are better off as friends. Please understand this. Dah lama dah. Please at least honor my wish for my birthday. My wish is to start a new life without you in it.

I’d like to thank the wonderful people from my past who didn’t forget. Thanks for your beautiful wishes. I’m old now. Another year marks the aging line on my face. Truth is, you..yes all of you are not forgotten. Thanks for being friends though our past was not painted the way we wanted to. Peace shout out to Z and N. Thank you for your words.

I purposely changed my FB setting just to see who’d remember. Alhamdulillah. Just when I thought I was being left out and forgotten, ada lagi people who remember. Just when I thought I didn't have friends, there were still lots (if not many) who remember. You don't need FB for a reminder. It's whether or not you value someone in your life. Thank you so much peeps. I love you '( I felt like crying when people as far as OZ pun remember. No idea how. Even my former housemates, chat mates, and students. Ya Allah, thank you and may they be blessed always, ameen. 

Thank you to my cuddly wife who struggled last night baking a cake for me. Though it’s sloppy, it’s the best cake I’ve had in years. You are simply the best I could ever ask for. 

I didn’t ask much Booby. Just your attention and your sensitivity since the past few weeks you went astray. Is that too much to ask? Why didn’t you work on this friendship? Why do you have to make it worse every day? Why now? What gives?

If you’re really bored of me, I am bored of you too. I am sick of your shitty lies and the way you treated me. You really think I am an idiot. It’s ok. I get it. Life is like a wheel. Sometimes you are up there. There will be days when you will be at the bottom of the wheel, touching the ground. Today it’s not my glory day. Just another day to remind me how sad my life is when you’re around.

So please let me leave. Let’s start a new life.

Happy birthday.

p/s - Berperasaan biar berpada-pada, nanti makan diri. I guess I've loved you too much kot before this. Don't worry. Not anymore. I don't love you anymore. Just another fake friend.

Mute

The day it happened: 30 Nov 2016
Reason it happened: Saje-saje
How I felt about it?: Devastated. I felt heartbroken. The trust was broken. I gave up...

I waited and waited for your gutsy move in explaining what happened, why you went astray by trying to eat out. You chose to deny and lie. I acted stupid. Yeah. You pretended as if nothing happened. I showed you the picture. I vividly remembered the blanket we exchanged before I left for OZ. How could you.

1 Dec 2016: I went all muted. I refused to respond to your texts. But I failed, miserably. Despite ignoring your texts and keeping you at mute, I still waited. Why? Coz I was an idiot I guess.

3 Dec 2016: Still no explanation. I decided to block your calls. It's better this way coz I'd know you couldn't get through me. I blocked, unblocked, blocked and unblocked again. Shitty me.

Most of the time now, I don't really feel anything anymore. Boy, am I worried? Yes. But... You broke me AGAIN... God knows for how many times already.

I was really beaten up. I was helpless and hopelessly waiting for nothing. The promises you made. How I struggled to not do what you hated all this time. Tell me something, am I wasting my time?

Now: It has been 25 days since I went all mute on you. I didn't wanna hear your chimes when you whatsapped me. I was really down and dead-disappointed Booby. Why did you do it? Were you bored of me? You must have been bored of me. Or else, you wouldn't do it, would you?

I'm sorry. I told myself. This rogue will go on till you decide to come and see me... face me. Talk to me personally. I wanna look at your face when you lie. Till then, you are on my silent list. I wish to give up now, let go of everything. This is not the first time you broke me. How many times do I have to bear this Booby? Why? Am I just a toy???

Forgiven but not forgotten:
I forgive you. Seriously. But it's hard for me to forget. It still gets me...the thing you did. I still can't figure out why. I guess I am an idiot after all.

Thank you Booby.