Saturday, April 18, 2015

Berpada-pada... haha

Warning: This is a serious code-mixing entry which might not be proper to some. Teehee.

Teringat pulak time tu.. lebih setahun lepas. Ade lah sorang hamba Allah ni cakap;

"Berperasaan tu biar berpada-pada..."

Ironi nye, termakan pulak kat diri sendiri. Adoi. Sakit dowh

Memang betul pun, kalau berlebih-lebih sayangkan orang, memang akan sakit satu hari nanti. Tapi, berapa ramai kat luar sana yang boleh control perasaan tu? Kau boleh?? Aku still tak boleh...

Anyway, some lessons to ponder. One should not put too much love on someone. One should not miss someone too much. One should not care too much for someone. Why? One day, that TOO MUCH will hurt you so much. Seriously! A noteworthy reminder: Do not depend too much on anyone in this world because even our shadow leaves us in darkness!!!

Yang 'terlalu' tu lah yang makan diri sendiri. Muahahahahahha (evil laugh). Aku terfikir, boleh ke nak keep everything in moderation? Berpada-pada? Boleh ke?

Tapi takpe, walau terlalu sayang sekalipun, itulah perasaan yang pernah buat aku tersenyum. Bila fikir-fikir balik, aku masih terlalu sayang dan masih terlalu rindu. Nak buat macam mana, bukan aku mintak ade perasaan ni. Aku tak pernah bayangkan jadi sakit macam ni. Bila rindu teringat-ingat, sampai boleh bawak jadi demam, migraine, sakit, muntah-muntah... itu dah kronik sebenarnya. Kronik.

Aku tau dia memang sebiji (ke sebuah? seketul?) permata. Susah dan jarang nak jumpa. Sebab tu lah dia special. Sangat-sangat special. Kalau yang lain, macam daun-daun je, kat mana-mana, merata-rata ade. Hmm. Entahlah, di mana silap nya. I think it is my fault for this 'too much' LOVE kot. I am sorry for loving you too much. I am sorry I care too much.

Boleh ke kite jadi macam dulu? Kau pasti ke kau sayang aku macam tahun lepas? Kau pasti ke kau masih sayang aku? Kau pasti ke kau masih nak sayang aku? Kau pasti???

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Call me idiot, call it a retrospect :)

Puutt, putt.. fart bubbles..

Hey bloggy... I was doing doing some blog 'cleaning' earlier and I could not help myself to post this. I cannot exactly remember whether it was back in 2010..or was it in 2009? Never mind. 

I had this fight with my ex. It was about me not attending my ex's drama performance and went out with some friends instead. It was stupid and crazy love. Have you been there? Monkey love. Anyway, this ex sent me a text message. Back then, I used K530i. Great phone. I still have it, I use it for my morning alarm now and I think the message is still there. Oh, sentimental.

Oh boy, now I am seeing my life in a retrospect... Life goes on though... very slowly :(

So, here it goes:

"If you are so smart, you won't be here...and fighting to win the first prize.
If you are so good, that makes me second to none in the same GOOD game.
If you think that you're thinking, you won't be caught in action last night. Dot.
If you are laughing at me, I already laughed at you yesterday.
If you succeed, I'll be waving goodbye from where I sit (in front), check your ENGINE first.
If you shine, that's because I spit and wax your brain.
If I'm stupid, that's because I'm sitting beside you, jerk!
If I'm a loser, that's because people like you see me as a trash can, fool!
If I cry, that's because I love you, asshole!
So, call me IDIOT as you may, for I will win the first prize tomorrow!"

Mama needs a new pair of Crocs...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, 

"Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!!!"

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Thinking Out Loud

Today's song dedication for my 1406...

When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Well, me - I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way
I know you will still love me the same

'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen
And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand

That, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
Thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

La la la la la la la la la la la

So, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Oh, darling, place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are
Oh, baby, we found love right where we are
And we found love right where we are 

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Wajahmu di mana-mana...

Wajahmu di mana-mana...

wajahmu dimana-mana
sering kutemui
kupandang dilangit tinggi
engkau disitu

kugembira kau ketawa
sedihku dukamu
seolahnya kau mengejar

dalam tidur ku bermimpi
wajahmu menjelma lagi
menguntum senyuman manis
membayang penambat seri
walau kemana ku pergi
wajahmu tetap disisi
merayu sekeping
hati yang suci murni

dimana aku berada
wajahmu menjelma
mungkinkah itu tandanya
engkau memuja

Happiness :)

Happiness is.....



Sunday, April 5, 2015

Maafkan aku

Dear you,
I am sorry if ever I hurt you in any way. I know I have caused you nothing but pain and misery. You must be tired of me by now. I am sorry.

I do not know where to start. I do not know where to go. I do not know how to handle this. It hurts.

Saying "I love you" is easy. Do you know what it means? It is easy to say "I miss you". Do you know the meaning of that? Do you know how much I miss you? Do you?

I do. It hurts knowing you are no longer here by my side. Today, one of my close friends lost his father. Innalillah. For once, it crosses my mind that this is such a short life. People come, people go. That is life. If I were to die today, I would want you to be by my side. Next to me. Just hold my hand and tell me our stories and the memories we shared together. If today was my last day, I would want to spend the day with you.

It is such a heavy load I am carrying on my back. Right now, I just want one day to spend with you. 24 hours. It will be just you and me. We get to do whatever we want, no interference and no one else. Just us. That is all I want right now. But it is impossible, right?

The truth is, when you call me sayang, I know I am not the only one. I wish this would be over now, but I know I still love you and I cannot live without you. Sucks, big time! The worst feeling is even if I spend the whole day with you, I MISS YOU the second you leave!!! Told ya, it is heavy..

Love is when it does not matter how much time you spend together, at the end of the day you keep missing him all the time. That is exactly what I am going through right now!

Someone told me it is okay to be sad, but not forever. In my case, it looks forever already. Endless. You want to know something? Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem! Crying all night, lack of sleep and thinking about you all the time make my eyes droopy.

Long time ago, a love 'doctor' told me that there are two things in life you will never have to chase:
1) True friend
2) True love

The thing is, I have found both in you. That makes it even more complicated. It hurts. I do not know what to do now. Please let me know how I can make this better. Honestly, I love you too much that I do not know how to move on. 

p/s - I love you and I miss you. I know the meaning of "I love you" and "I miss you". But you...

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Love, complicated...

Let these speak to you of how I truly feel about you, about us...
It does. At times, I feel that I should not bother your perfect life anymore. You have a new life. It hurts...
 If you knew how painful this feeling is, you would not dare ask me "How are you" because you know how hurtful it is...
Sometimes, I feel like giving hurts...
Sometimes, I feel that I cannot do this anymore.. it truly hurts...
Not a single day has gone by without me thinking of you...
I have put so much love in loving you. I gave you my heart. It is breaking apart...

p/s - Is it wrong to love you this much? If loving you is wrong, I do not want to be right... How long will I love you? 

"A true love lasts a lifetime"

What about us?
What about the promises we made?