Monday, December 26, 2016

New chapter.

The past few weeks really tested my everything. Literally everything I had for you. I guess it’s true after all when they say; you can’t buy happiness and you can’t buy trust. Earning trust is truly hard but breaking it is easy. It takes only one stupid lie to end everything. But you? Not just one… go count yourself.

All I did the past few weeks was just wait, wait and wait. I kept on waiting till I had no idea what I was waiting for. What was I expecting from you? To counter, yeah.. ko kene faham Za.. bukan sekangkang kera..bla bla bla. You used to go that extra miles to prove that you meant what you said. What gives? Why now? I don’t see anything changes. 

So I have a family now. So? It’s not like we’re making out like lovers. No. Simply put, it’s the effort you make, not the excuses you create. It was ok before this. What gives? Why now? So you’re a big shot now? I get it. Just because I don’t have anything atm, doesn’t mean I don’t have my pride intact?! I told you, it will be like this till you finally decide to confront and face me. Be a man.

I guess, you no longer matter to me just as I no longer matter to you. I don't remember treating you this shitty Booby. Have I ever??? I am trying to remove you from my life. We are better off as friends. Please understand this. Dah lama dah. Please at least honor my wish for my birthday. My wish is to start a new life without you in it.

I’d like to thank the wonderful people from my past who didn’t forget. Thanks for your beautiful wishes. I’m old now. Another year marks the aging line on my face. Truth is, you..yes all of you are not forgotten. Thanks for being friends though our past was not painted the way we wanted to. Peace shout out to Z and N. Thank you for your words.

I purposely changed my FB setting just to see who’d remember. Alhamdulillah. Just when I thought I was being left out and forgotten, ada lagi people who remember. Just when I thought I didn't have friends, there were still lots (if not many) who remember. You don't need FB for a reminder. It's whether or not you value someone in your life. Thank you so much peeps. I love you '( I felt like crying when people as far as OZ pun remember. No idea how. Even my former housemates, chat mates, and students. Ya Allah, thank you and may they be blessed always, ameen. 

Thank you to my cuddly wife who struggled last night baking a cake for me. Though it’s sloppy, it’s the best cake I’ve had in years. You are simply the best I could ever ask for. 

I didn’t ask much Booby. Just your attention and your sensitivity since the past few weeks you went astray. Is that too much to ask? Why didn’t you work on this friendship? Why do you have to make it worse every day? Why now? What gives?

If you’re really bored of me, I am bored of you too. I am sick of your shitty lies and the way you treated me. You really think I am an idiot. It’s ok. I get it. Life is like a wheel. Sometimes you are up there. There will be days when you will be at the bottom of the wheel, touching the ground. Today it’s not my glory day. Just another day to remind me how sad my life is when you’re around.

So please let me leave. Let’s start a new life.

Happy birthday.

p/s - Berperasaan biar berpada-pada, nanti makan diri. I guess I've loved you too much kot before this. Don't worry. Not anymore. I don't love you anymore. Just another fake friend.


The day it happened: 30 Nov 2016
Reason it happened: Saje-saje
How I felt about it?: Devastated. I felt heartbroken. The trust was broken. I gave up...

I waited and waited for your gutsy move in explaining what happened, why you went astray by trying to eat out. You chose to deny and lie. I acted stupid. Yeah. You pretended as if nothing happened. I showed you the picture. I vividly remembered the blanket we exchanged before I left for OZ. How could you.

1 Dec 2016: I went all muted. I refused to respond to your texts. But I failed, miserably. Despite ignoring your texts and keeping you at mute, I still waited. Why? Coz I was an idiot I guess.

3 Dec 2016: Still no explanation. I decided to block your calls. It's better this way coz I'd know you couldn't get through me. I blocked, unblocked, blocked and unblocked again. Shitty me.

Most of the time now, I don't really feel anything anymore. Boy, am I worried? Yes. But... You broke me AGAIN... God knows for how many times already.

I was really beaten up. I was helpless and hopelessly waiting for nothing. The promises you made. How I struggled to not do what you hated all this time. Tell me something, am I wasting my time?

Now: It has been 25 days since I went all mute on you. I didn't wanna hear your chimes when you whatsapped me. I was really down and dead-disappointed Booby. Why did you do it? Were you bored of me? You must have been bored of me. Or else, you wouldn't do it, would you?

I'm sorry. I told myself. This rogue will go on till you decide to come and see me... face me. Talk to me personally. I wanna look at your face when you lie. Till then, you are on my silent list. I wish to give up now, let go of everything. This is not the first time you broke me. How many times do I have to bear this Booby? Why? Am I just a toy???

Forgiven but not forgotten:
I forgive you. Seriously. But it's hard for me to forget. It still gets me...the thing you did. I still can't figure out why. I guess I am an idiot after all.

Thank you Booby. 

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Dear booby...

Dear booby,

Silly. How could I not wish you on this special day?! I drafted this earlier but the way you ignored me… urgh. How could I not personally wish you when you are one of the persons I love most in this life??! Though we are not physically together, there’s no way I would not send you this wish. 

I know I was not the first person to wish you ‘Happy birthday’ but I certainly wanna be the last. I wish I could personally sing you the three birthday songs I used to sing like the years before..but…

Booby, You know how I wanna be with you on your special day but… I guess some things are just not meant to be… Dear booby, my booby.. I know that we don’t always think alike or agree with each other all the time. I know that we see life in different ways but what really matter is we’re still together. I know you’ve done a lot for me and sacrificed a lot too. I am thankful for the things you did, the patience you put to make me stay. Thank you for having enlightened my life with your love booby. :(

Also, I know I don’t always show my feelings but just so you know.. you are still the best thing in my life, my booby. You really mean everything to me! I love you. I love you! I love you!

My birthday present for you is.. a promise of my whole lot of love for you. I hope your birthday was as special as you are booby!

Happy birthday booby!

p/s - I am sorry for everything. I don't blame you if you hate me now. I won't be angry if you wanna leave me now. It's okay. Whether I'm there or not, you will be fine.

me, kunji.

Here’s a song for you.. How I wish I could be there and hug you now :(

Next Plane Home – Daniel Powter

I woke up early to baby blue eyes from afar whoah whoah
And when the sun comes through and lights you like the angel you are whoah whoah
I know I do you wrong when I'm with you I've been gone

With every season change, it looks the same november to june whoah whoah
And dont these empty streets skip a beat the flowers dont bloom whoah whoah

I can't believe I missed your birthday again
And I wanna come back but I just don't know when now

And I'm so lonely your not here with me
That's way I'm gonna be on the next plane home

The road that never ends around the bend I see your smile whoah whoah
I'd swim across the sea to be with you for a while whoah whoah
Cos I've made a life of been gone
Now the way that I feel I just don't belong

And I'm so lonely you're not here with me
Thats why I'm gonna be on the next plane home
And you're you're the only face I wanna see
Thats why I'm gonna be on the next plane home

Stand around try to make every moment
And be somebody yeah anybody
It seems the whole world is taking me over
I need somebody to help me get back to

And I've always been a million miles away
But things are gonna change
I just wanna come home

And you're you're the only face I wanna see
That's why I gonna be on the next plane home

Yeah I'm taking the next plane home
Now I'm getting the next plane home

Now I'm taking the next plane home

Sunday, April 3, 2016

BFG syndrome

This slothfulness. The restless feeling of not wanting to do anything.
So many things to do yet nothing has taken its toll to kick off.
These days, I just sit in front of the screen. I stare and nothing is moving.
Still frames by frames.
Nothing but a mere glimpse.

The flashes of the flicker do not seem to bother.
I dream of completing everything in my mind but physically, nothing is happening.
What is happening to me?

30% worth of essay is not of significance anymore!
I need to start writing but I choose to distract myself instead.
I made a cup of coffee... black and strong.
But it's just sitting there on the table, 'unscathed'.

I think I have one.
A BFG syndrome.
Back for good.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

The valley

Yup. The Valley. That's what the locals call this place. Fortitude Valley is where you can find good clubs here in Bne. Some friends of mine (mostly from chatmates program) told me if you wish to look at the 'other side' of Brissy life, go to the valley. 

Yeah. It's like a place where you gather all clubs, bars, gay bars, straight bars, cruising bars, strip clubs in one place. Bars and clubs? You name it. They're all there. Pretty organised I'd say. If you wanna experience night life in Brisbane, this is the place. 

There's a little Chinatown too! It's quite busy especially on weekends. 

I guess it's not all rainbow here in Brisbane. People do get really weird when they're drunk. :(

Wednesday, March 16, 2016


Today I had a class with Steve for L2 reading.

To begin with, Steve is a creative teacher. He always puts on wonderful ideas into teaching. I think he's trying to demonstrate the many ways of teaching in the actual classroom. Last week, he brought Fiona (an actual English teacher from ICTE) to share her experiences when she taught in Vietnam couple of years ago.

Today, Steve caught my attention by playing an old song by Bread; Diary. The idea is for the students to draw inferences based on the song played. It is a part of higher-order reading skills.

I just want to write a thing or two about the song. The interpretation might be wrong. It is really a sad song which turns out to be 'face it' kind of okay at the end. This guy found his lover's diary. He read what she wrote and he was touched by the many sweet things she wrote about him in the diary. He would not know since the girl never mentioned about those to him.

BUT.... it turned out, whatever she wrote in the diary was not meant for him. T T.... It was about the love she once had. Oh man... Anyway, at the end, the guy still wanted her to be his wife because of how sweet she had been in the entries. :(

Here's the song:

Diary by Bread

I found her diary underneath a tree
And started reading about me
The words she'd written took me by surprise
You'd never read them in her eyes
They said that she had found 
the love she'd waited for
Wouldn't you know it
She wouldn't show it

When she confronted with the writing there
Simply pretended not to care
I passed it off as just in keeping with
Her total disconcerting air
And though she tried to hide 
the love that she denied
Wouldn't you know it
She wouldn't show it

And as I go through my life
I will give to her my wife
all the sweet things I can find

I found her diary underneath a tree
And started reading about me
The words began to stick and tears to flow
Her meaning now was clear to see
The love she'd waited for 
was someone else not me
Wouldn't you know it
She wouldn't show it

And as I go through my life
I will wish for her his wife
All the sweet things she can find
All the sweet things they can find

Fix you

Fix You ~ Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Let's have fun with English, Di ;p

Hey there,

Today, I learned something new called; 'garden path' sentence. This type of sentence is grammatically correct but people will mostly misinterpret the meaning(s) of the sentence. We, as readers will fall into this 'unintended' misleading judgment of the sentence.

Simply put, a garden path sentence leads us towards a path but it is a wrong path. Ok a simpler version of this would be: The sentence is AMBIGUOUS. lol. Itu je sebenarnya.. chett.. Basically, kita rasa itu maksud ayat tu tapi actually maksud ayat tu lain sebenarnya. 

Okay, okay.. I get it... it's confusing or should I say; almost 'impenetrable' to digest.. hehe.. Let me give you some examples:

a. The old train the young.
    The old train....
                            ....... the young.

b. The old man the boat.
    The old man....
                            ...... the boat.

Di, can you guess some ambiguous meanings from these examples?:

- I convinced her children are noisy.
- Zedi gave his son the cat bit a plaster (bandaid).
- The government plans to raise GST (Goods and Services Tax) were defeated.
- The stupid drink from the restaurant.
- Zedi said; "Put the box on the table in the kitchen!"

p/s - " be led down the garden path" is actually an expression. It means to be deceived or tricked. Get it now?

- Please whatsapp me immediately if you understand Di :)

Toodles :)

Monday, March 7, 2016

lời chào hỏi

That's how you say hi in Vietnam. "Lời chào hỏi"

Today I met my new supervisor; Dr. Chris Campbell. Originally, the meeting was at 1.30pm. I somehow overlooked that I had another important meeting with Dr. Noriko at 1. I don't know why I put Noriko's on Wednesday (9 Mar). Urgh.

Anyway, Chris was ok if I could meet her at 2.30 instead. My meeting with Noriko ended at 2-ish. 

So I went to her office (620a, Social Sciences Building). I must say..I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect at the beginning. A lot went through my mind..mostly because she is someone from school of edu instead of appling (what I'm currently doing). 

When I came, there was a Professor inside. They were talking about a PhD candidate who just successfully graduated. Outside, I could clearly see what Chris is currently working on. She has three on-going research with one of them being a Malaysian context. She's working on FrogVLE; a cloud-based learning design for Malaysian schools. It's under 1BestariNet project with The Malaysian Ministry of Education. 

The reason she agreed to supervise me is my topic has something to do with what she had done in the past. Second Life and Education for a broad topic. I don't wanna bore you with that.

As I was sitting, she asked me where I was from. Kinda funny though. 

Chris: So tell me, where are you from Niza? Oh wait, let me guess... Vietnam.
Chris: You're from Vietnam right.
Me: Errm..Chris, no I'm from Malaysia.
Chris: Oh, I went there last year. Slow internet you got there Niza.
Me: Yeah, tell me 'bout it.

She's so friendly. She's funny. That was the first time ever people thought I'm a Vietnamese. lol.

I hope I've made a right decision this time. :(


How sweet...

How very sweet of you...

"Za, jom kita puasa esok..."

How very thoughtful.



Today, a dear friend of mine; Dayah has lost her mom in a never ending battle to the big C. Innalillah. I know that you must be in a difficult position right now but I pray that you will be strong again Dayah. May your mom be placed with the righteous ones in His eyes, ameen.

Somehow, I know the feeling. Brings back all those memories of losing people I cared and loved. 

This goes to the people we lost, Alfatihah. You are remembered. 

Monday, February 29, 2016


Betul ke when someone says he or she loves you so much... or misses you so much, they mean 'em? Boleh percaya ke? For me, those words are just words, nothing but a vague expression or at least (1/10) of how they feel/felt. Whatever.

I love you.
I miss you.

That's that.

Untung badan

Hi there,

"Mari, mari tuan dengar ini cerita
Perempuan tidak semua cemburu buta
Kalau suaminya asyik bergaya
Dia so jealous tidak percaya.."

You know ape jadi satu hari tu? I waited and waited for nothing. I used to be getting endless texts or calls from someone so dearly. But... the sad part is, it's like waiting for uncertainty. Kalau ade, ade lah. Dah xde, nk buat cmne, offline je lah.

So, I tried getting use to not having any text messages or even calls for that matter. Tak boleh lah. I keep on wanting more. One thing I can tell you; "Expectation kills!" Never mind then.

Why can't you make it as usual as it it used to be? Why must you go and find me only when you need me? Only when you 'miss' me? If we're just friends, I don't see any wrong in sustaining what we do. What's wrong with that? Why do you have to keep me in the dark. It's like you're hiding me from them. Is that nice? Why?

I admit, I'm a selfish lad. My biggest selfishness is wanting you to love me back, just the way I do for you. But I can't. Unlike me, you are loved by many. Untung la badan. Berpada-padalah. Untung kan when you have so many to love you. So pardon me for wanting more because unlike you, I DON'T HAVE MANY TO LOVE!

Oh don't worry, I still love you. I always do. Sometimes, it kills to wait. Dreadful!

Miss you.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Please don't let me go

A song by Olly Murs; "Please don't let me go". I love you :) xoxo

"Please Don't Let Me Go"

Where do I begin?
Should I tell you
How bad I need you now
You're underneath my skin
But I'm confused

My head is spinning all around
I waited so long
I need to know, darling
What is on your mind

Normally I try to run
And I might even want to hide
'cause I never knew what I wanted
'til I looked into your eyes
So am I in this alone?
What I'm looking for is a sign
That you feel how I feel for you

Baby please don't let me go
Baby please don't let me go
Baby please don't let me go
No, please don't let me go
Baby no, no, no, no


What else can I say?
(Can I say)
My heart is beating double time, yeah
And do you feel the same?
(Do you feel the same)
Don't leave me in the dark, no
But baby don't put out this spark, no
I waited so long
I need to know, darling
What is on your mind



Caught in the inquisition
Under these conditions
I need a definition
Is it love that we're sharing?
Show me that you're caring
You see my fascination
Tell me I'm not mistaken
Give me the information I need

1, 2, 3


Baby, please don't let me go (Don't let me go)
Baby, please don't let me go (Don't let me go)
Baby, please don't let me go (Don't let me go)
No, please don't let me go
Baby no, no, no, no