Tuesday, July 29, 2008

It HURTS! It Really HURTS!...


Today, when I woke up despite of this miserable cold and fever, I realized that all I need to do is to look for love. I have been hurt so many times. I know this is not a fair statement, somehow I believe there is something wrong with me. Now, love has gone away from me and my heart is a bird which has lost direction during its flight. Sometimes I wonder, is there really a true love for me? Perhaps, the answer is an absolute NO. Well, that just it. I have to move on, haven’t I? My family, my friends, and people around me look at me as a blissful boy. But, they are wrong! I am not happy! NOT CONTENT!

I see many people who are ‘deeply’ in love. Be it my friends, my homies, my parents, my grandparents, and even those who walk in front of me, they are all saying ‘I LOVE YOU’ to their lovers. Now, as I grow up (I’m 20), I would personally say that there's no such thing as puppy love. Love is love, no matter what your age and we all suffer from its loss. It’s true, isn’t it? Oh, it hurts looking at my own reflection at the mirror, loveless. I am a NOBODY. There was one time when a friend asked me… “I don’t know how to love? This is my first time…” As I recall, I simply told him that we can only learn to love BY loving. That was then, when I thought I was happy.

We are not perfect. We make mistakes. I have made gazillions mistakes so far and I am about to make more. One makes mistakes! That is life! But one thing for sure, it is never a mistake to have loved! Trust me! Love is a powerful tone for me. I believe love is unique and it has soul. Love is romance. That's the thing about love and romance. No one can predict where it will take us. Love will fill our hearts, break our hearts and then heal the hearts that have been broken. That is love. Powerful isn’t it?

Tajul always reminds me that there are reasons for what happens around us. I believe in that notion, you should too! When I fail in something, abah will comfort me by making me believe when one door closes, another opens. But we often look so long and regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. Am I the only one here who think this way? I am that person, depressing myself over my failure. If you don’t believe me, you can ask my best friend, Tajul…he’s been with me since….I don’t know….

I loved this girl. But I realized too late how much I really loved her. It didn't make sense to me until she'd already given up on me. I realized that she’s really gone. Again, I flew without particular direction. I am lost! That’s not it. There's this boy who seems to be really into me, but the thing is, I was lost. He misunderstood me. He did not see how much I loved him. He was always there as he said he would be, but when I turned around the other day, I could not find him. Then I saw him with the other guy. I laughed in tears and flew again. I know it’s wrong and illicit, but…. I asked questions about love, even beyond my capability. Why, why and why? Every time I get into a relationship, I ruin it. It’s ME, not them!

Do you remember when we were not close and didn't know each other? A simple smile was hard to give.. This is me; really! I am this kind of person. However, when I opened a door to someone, a tough slam hits the wall! A hard slam! The door is already broken…it’s broken.

I believe everyone have their first crush on love. So am I. That was way back then, when I was so little. Nevertheless, she remains as a crush. Nothing was going on between us. I did not even have chance to say "Hey, saye suke kat awak la.." to her. I just watched her from afar, adoring her for things she did. One day, I did the bravest thing in my life by talking to her. The only word that came out from my tender, juicy lips was “Hye!”. Now, you might think a “hye” is a lame word that someone dreams of because of his crush. That’s me. I was very brave wasn’t I? Then I realized, she did not have any idea on what was going on that time. I considered myself as a loser. When I lost my chance with my crush, I cried. Seriously I did. But then I realized that she was not the only one who could be loved by someone else. There are others.


This is my story, he is the tree. Hell hath no fury because I am scorned and he was warned on things about to happen. But he just managed to take advantage of the love I was offering. He covered me from getting wet in the rain sometimes. There were times when he digs a funeral for me. There were times when he buys me cotton candy. There were times when he pees in my tea. How sad. That’s life. I loved and I got hurt. I trusted and I got hurt. I gave and I got hurt. I took and I got hurt. So basically I am just hurt! HURT! He even finds that cute and still wants to be 'inside' me….How irony that I am listening to a song by Plain White T’s entitle Hate (I Really Don't Like You) while I put my words in this podium. Hmmmm…

I indulge with my heartbreak. I checked in many times at the Heartbreak Hotel. When love leaves me, I feel shattered and abandoned, as though the whole world has crashed down around me. But I must say it helps to know that others have walked the path I’m on and lived to reflect and share their feelings with others. No matter how despondent I may feel, I got to realize I am not alone. I am offering myself to be loved by YOU. Call me cheap, but I care for nothing else just to feel the love again in me. I just pray that love won’t hate me, not even for a scratch!

I try falling out of love, but falling out of love means falling into someone else, and you were the only one I tripped for. Is it that hard to understand? We made a terrible mistake. That’s life. Again, it is never a mistake to have loved. I loved you. Just heal my pain by pushing me from the tower OK! Tears may be dried up, but the heart? Never. NEVER!

I let him go, so he could be happy with somebody else. Now I'm just drowning in my own tears. Seeing them together breaks my heart. It makes me think; is this how it feels to love somebody? Why? Why? How I wish to be back. How I wish to get back what I never had. How I wish to have all his luck. How I wish to have the things I owned once. How I wish I can have love back! I know I should think from my innocent heart and mind. Love is powerful, remember?

We've all been crushed by love. No one can avoid the pain of a broken heart, unless, of course, they have no feelings. Do you agree with me? As a sentient being who has been hurt, I must allow myself the space to feel my pain and let it out. My tears will initiate the process of healing and whether you believe it right now or not, one day, I will fall in love again. You will! I will! We will! I am ME, always me, the lOnely and hOrny gOat!

Love, love, love! Where are you???

Monday, July 28, 2008

Kam sah hamnida!


Wow, Koreans were here in our fac! In persons! I wish I can tell you how excited I was....words are nothing compared to lively lay a hand on them! Kam sah hamnida! Hmmmm...there's one thing to add in my long term plan for vacation. Korea, one day I'll come! One thing I must say here is "All people smile in the same language!" They were so adorable...even though, they were just elementary boys and girls...hey, I'm not a pedophile ok! It's them....sue me for that...Ok, ok enough for that...I personally thought it was going to be grey and dull but I was inclusively wrong! We enjoyed ourselves handling the groupies! It was fun! Of course with the presence of Kak Ruhil, Kak Ana and Iqbal (hope its his real name)....fun, fun, fun! Pretty much, I enjoyed myself.

Mouse deer's stories were AWESOME! Well, this is according to the Koreans...they took my script to be reviewed in their country! Wow..that's cool... I wonder why he who played the mouse deer was so cute that he became the magnet for most of the audience...congrats to him...hehe...and not to mention, the cRocodile was great too...cheh, poyo je cakap tak reti la, itu la...they loved it man! So, stop saying that you hate kids Ok mista korukodail! I was having fun and laughed a lot. I guess, I enjoyed myself back then. Well, its true after all when they say...take time to laugh for it is the music of your soul..and I did take a quantity of time, just laugh and laugh...The things I regretted most are....THE FLU & COLD & MY RUNNING NOSE! Can somebody catch my nose please!!!! Well, that was then. My dad says...to get out of difficulty, one usually must go through it! Hell yeah...I'm going through it abah! It is rather disturbing!


Then, we had durians...plenty of them! The King of Fruits! Yummy...scrumptious....too bad Mr Mouse Deer and Mr Farmer had to leave early....hehehe...thanx Aimi and Liyana for preparing us the delicious, yummy, luscious fleshes of durians...you guys rock! 'zaman peralihan la katakan'...guys don't kopek durian anymore...hehehehehehehe.....Hey thanx anyway! Sorry, I couldn't get my hands scratch...they are too delicate..opsie...too bad the Koreans did not enjoy the durian....nevertheless, one of the boys got pleasure from it..kudos for you boy! However, they enjoyed the manggis so much...thanx a bundle to whoever brought the devouring feast! Again, thanx aimi and liyana..oh you guys were cool!


I guess, that was such a pleasurable occasion..oh wait...there's one more story to tell...after that, we headed to Pak Li Kopitiam at Ole Ole, Section 18 for late lunch..oh my goodness, I embarassed myself just by ordering "Sirap Limau Ais" there..weird..they have Teh O Limau Ais but they don't serve Sirap Limau Ais...oh, who cares....we were darn hungry and we finished our lunch in just minutes! That's a record, well, at least for me! Hehe..Sociolinguistics started at five and we headed to the faculty right after lunch. Oh it was fun! with aimi, tajul, wawa and liyana....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......kam sah hamnida! Well guys, you may consider yourselves heartily thanked! Thanx thanx thanx....

Hmmm..what else....I guess, there is not much for now..but that was worth an experience having fun, singing and laughing with the kids! Yippie...if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands..pek pek!....ok, I guess that would be it for now...I shall see you again, soon...thank you everyone! Thank ME for having fun today! yay..phewww...I bet no one grows tired of being thanked! Heheheheehe....

p/s-A million roses go to aimi, liyana, wawa,g mr cRocodile, mr dOg, mr faRmer, THE mouse deer, mr tiGer, kak ana, kak ruhil, iqbal, ms saliza, dr z, some lecturers, and most importantly, the KOREANS! Kam sah hamnida!!!!!!!

Mmmbekkkkkkkkkk.....bekk..bek..bb..(ops, the gOat is not feeling well today..da tbatuk batuk..uhuk uhuk..I mean, beks beks..)

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Her name is ALYAA JASMINE!

Pretty as it sounds, she is a miracle I presume. What a delightful blessing from above for giving us such adorable present. I wish I can show her to you but for some 'nonsense', my dad rejected the idea of publicizing the creature. This is our first baby girl in history. Truthfully speaking, gazillions are playing in my mind. However, a gift is a gift. One must handle it with utmost care.

Alyaa Jasmine, a name that I wont forget. Though I have not cuddled you (again for some 'nonsense', abah wont let me go home....huhuhuhhuuhu) Thanx for the photos btw...they were so cute and adorable...

She is precious and so sweet with tiny hands and adorable feet! She has tiny fingers, tiny toes, little itty bitty clothes. She got adorable cute little dresses, ribbons and hair to curl. We are tickled pink that mummy got a girl! One daughter is so much fun. They say, it's a flowery flower in the pot finally! Makcik makcik, pak cik pak cik, sila beri laluan ye...hehehe

Alyaa Jasmine, hey diddle diddle with a laugh and a giggle (even just through my phone..huhu...ape ni..TAK ACI betul!!!) Our baby arrived nearly at four in the evening, last Thursday. We laughed and cried tears of joy and promised her the moon! She is so darn lucky, I'm telling you...bunga la katekan...

She is my darling baby girl...I wish she's mine! Oh well, it wont hurt being a nice, cute big brother to Alyaa...hehehehehehehe.....opsie...

To abah and mummy,
Your lovely bouncing baby girl will bring you so much pleasure and over the years will give you such memories to treasure. I am happy that you are happy! Alyaa brings worlds of joy by merely being there. May this joy be just a hint of happy years to be not only for you, baby..but for all the family. I love you.

To Alyaa, this is a poem for you..I specially dedicate this to you..(I hope you'll read this when you r able to understand words ok baby....thanx for the idea mummy!)

Alyaa Jasmine
A little bit of heaven
drifted down from above.

Alyaa Jasmine
A handful of happiness,
A heartful of love.

Alyaa Jasmine
The mystery of life,
So sacred and sweet.

Alyaa Jasmine
The giver of joy
So deep and complete.

Alyaa Jasmine,
You are precious and priceless,
So lovable too,
You are the world's sweetest miracle,
Baby girl, its you.

(sorry la mummy, xdop idea la...heheehe)

To Aiman, errk....abang mad xdop idea la...but I promise you..you got me..buchibuchibu..meh shini...hehehehehehe..relax la Aiman...sume org excited..kuikuikui.. Aiman Aiman... da ade adik kecik kamu ni..grrrrrrr....siap ko nanti...hehehe...

I am so happy that we finally got a baby girl....boys...too many...hehehehe....Alhamdulillah...Oh my goodness, Alyaa is soooooooo cute...she's a cute baby girl to cuddle and squeeze, to pamper and play with. I cannot wait to watch you bounce on your knees...I wish you will never grow up and stay the way you are...so adorable.....

Ok ok ok..I'm just her big brother who cannot get over with my excitement. Sue me for that ok! Heehehehehe.....

Lastly...the gOat just wana say something...
Babies are a pleasure, a treasure from above. They are to adore, but even more, babies are for love!!!! Mmmmmbbeekkkkkk......

MMMmmbbekkkk....

p/s-Alyaa is sooooooo cute...........................and millions of roses go to Aimi, Faten, Syud, Naz, Tajul, Afifah, Marina, Fuzi, Sarah, Zaida, Adibah and everyone lah...for ur beautiful name suggestion!









A Day to Remember - Here's to the Past


Let's all think back on what brought us here
This is my grasp on what is real
Don't tell me how I feel
With all that's passed I can't relate
With myself from day to day
why does everything seem so far away
to me

There's no turning back from here
I've got to get away from everyone who's left
Everyone who's left
I'll tell the saddest story
Of how we made it through this past year
(Past year, past year...)
I'll tell the saddest story
Of how we made it through this past year
(Past year, past year...)
They said we'd walk away
You'll never make it if you can't speak for yourself
they said we'd fade away

We've all been down this path before
You're trapped in this town
And it wears you down
When we leave today then maybe you'll understand
This constant struggle isn't always in the palm of our hand

There's no turning back from here
I've got to get away from everyone who's left
Everyone who's left
I'll tell the saddest story
Of how we made it through this past year
(Past year, past year...)
I'll tell the saddest story
Of how we made it through this past year
(Past year, past year...)
They said we'd walk away
You'll never make it if you can't speak for yourself
they said we'd fade away

This man will stand the test of time
This man will stand the test of time
This man will stand the test of time
This man will stand the test of time

I'll tell the saddest story
Of how we made it through this past year
(Past year, past year...)
I'll tell the saddest story
Of how we made it through this past year
(Past year, past year...)
They said we'd walk away
You'll never make it if you can't speak for yourself
they said we'd fade away


...................

Mmmbeekkkkk.......

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

"High Fidelity"


Question 1:
What is the movie about?

- The movie is about a guy name Rob Gordon and his love story, up until the last one told by him. It is interesting because the love portrayed in the movie is not just a typical love story. The director is creatively goes against the typical love story normally told by people. Rob, a record store owner had a girlfriend name Laura who has just left him during the beginning of the movie. This final breakup leads him to recall his five most memorable breakups and to wonder what happened to his ex-girlfriends and why they left him. Being rejected is part of life. However, being constantly rejected in love means that there is something wrong with you. Therefore, Rob recalls his past and locates all his exes. He managed to get information about them and asked them why he was rejected. The answers is there. Even though Rob could not see it, we as the audience know the problem. This is unique to me due to men normally do not dig their past love life. They normally move on. However this movie shows us many beautiful quality n Rob. Nevertheless, I must say, it is still a beautiful love story between Rob and Laura when he finally knows what went wrong in his relationship and work his relationship well.

Question 2:
How it is different from love fiction?

- This story relates the love with songs. I personally think that those songs played in the movie are significant to Rob's love life for example, "You're Gonna Miss Me, Always See Your Face, and Fallen for You". Somehow, it reflects to his story "The 'Best' Breakups Story". Furthermore, it obviously shows that men are just equal as women. They have personal feelings and men do cry sometimes. It is never wrong to cry even for a guy. This is not a stereotypical love story where the hero acts gentleman and macho kind of guy. Those are just another part of men. But, deep inside men's heart, we cry a lot. Sometimes, we let out emotion takes control on our intellectual judgment. This movie is unlike an ordinary or typical love story ever produced in the world. The reason I am saying this is through the character "Rob" is playing. He is totally different from the typical guys that we normally look at. The idea of not showing Rob as a romantic person is unique. It shows that not all men are like that. That is so lame when we are expecting men to be polite, nice, gentleman, 'cool', easygoing etc. Rob is totally out of that zone. He is more frank, clueless and there is nothing that woman adore about him except his pretty look. One more thing about this movie is; it displays the characteristic of Rob as a straightforward person. He talks whatever he thinks. Even his proposal to marry his girlfriend was too sudden and too frank. I would say that this comedy is brilliant in a funny way. It is not just a love story, it is about men's world and relationships around them. They deserve to be treated as fair as they treat women.

Question 3:
Who is your favorite character and why?

- I would say Rob Gordon is my favorite character. He represents all men in this universe. Men are not as macho as they think they are. Rob leads a pretty messed up life. He owns a record store which was failing as his life was failing. However, he is surrounded by loyal friends who helped him a lot. When looking at his love life, I think most guys are as same as Rob. They are clueless especially when they have no idea what is going wrong in their relationship. Nevertheless, in the end, Rob manage to overcome his messed up life and work on his relationship with Laura. They disagree on things but they can work out together well. One more thing about him that I like is because he reflected on his past to review on what went wrong with his relationship previously. He is a straightforward guy. This value is nice especially when you want to express your feelings precisely to your love ones. I like the message through the comedy brought up by Rob. It is not just dry comedies. It is full with messages. I like him in terms of he always think he is good in everything. He possesses self-confidence in his attitude and he somehow questions about his breakups. He is so down-to-earth to be brave telling the audience about his failure relationships before. Kudos to Rob Gordon!

Question 4:
Provide an alternate ending.

- This is just my personal opinion. I just think that the end should be this way. Rob has faced many breakups. Therefore, there will be times in his life where he hates women. He feels like he has been ill-treated by women. He rebels. He hurts himself and find a way to forget about loving woman. Suddenly, he is having a thought of becoming a homosexual guy. He goes to gay clubs and bars to enjoy himself. One day, he meets a queer at a club and they flirt. Rob brings the guy to his apartment and there comes the explicit scene. Both of them live happily for quite a while. Rob succeeds in his business this time with his success through the promoted band. He makes a lot of friends especially with the gay community.

Five years later, Rob holds a reunion with his friends and exes. There we can see how sorry those girls become when they actually still have feelings on Rob. They feel that they have done a terrible sin of rejecting Rob. But it is too late to say sorry because Rob is leading a happy life with the humor continues.

I am pretty sure this idea is lame and unacceptable. However, there is possibility in everything.
Just for the record, the original ending is beautiful in a comedic way.

The Eclipse



This is a great short story written by James Fenimore Cooper. I've read this last Monday and in my personal opinion, it's beyond greatness. I hope you will enjoy reading it.


p/s-The gOat loves it!

..................................
The Eclipse

by James Fenimore Cooper

THE eclipse of the sun, which you have requested me to describe, occurred in the summer of 1806, on Monday, the 16th of June. Its greatest depth of shadow fell upon the American continent, somewhere about the latitude of 42 deg. I was then on a visit to my parents, at the home of my family, among the Highlands of Otsego, in that part of the country where the eclipse was most impressive. My recollections of the great event, and the incidents of the day, are as vivid as if they had occurred but yesterday.

Lake Otsego, the headwaters of the Susquehanna, lies as nearly as possible in latitude 42 deg. The village, which is the home of my family, is beautifully situated at the foot of the lake, in a valley lying between two nearly parallel ranges of heights, quite mountainous in character. The Susquehanna, a clear and rapid stream, flowing from the southeastern shore of the lake, is crossed by a high wooden bridge, which divides the main street of the little town from the lawns and meadows on the eastern bank of the river. Here were all the materials that could be desired, lake, river, mountain, wood, and the dwellings of man, to give full effect to the varied movement of light and shadow through that impressive day.

Throughout the belt of country to be darkened by the eclipse, the whole population were in a state of almost anxious expectation for weeks before the event. On the eve of the 16th of June, our family circle could think or talk of little else. I had then a father and four brothers living, and as we paced the broad hall of the house, or sat about the family board, our conversation turned almost entirely upon the movements of planets and comets, occultations and eclipses. We were all exulting in the feeling that a grand and extraordinary spectacle awaited us -- a spectacle which millions then living could never behold. There may have been a tinge of selfishness in the feeling that we were thus favored beyond others, and yet, I think, the emotion was too intellectual in its character to have been altogether unworthy.

Many were the prophecies regarding the weather, the hopes and fears expressed by different individuals, on this important point, as evening drew near. A passing cloud might veil the grand vision from our sight; rain or mist would sadly impair the sublimity of the hour. I was not myself among the desponding. The great barometer in the hall -- one of the very few then found in the State, west of Albany -- was carefully consulted. It was propitious. It gave promise of dry weather. Our last looks that night, before sleep fell on us, were turned toward the starlit heavens.

And the first movement in the morning was to the open window -- again to examine the sky. When I rose from my bed, in the early morning, I found the heavens serene, and cloudless. Day had dawned, but the shadows of night were still lingering over the valley. For a moment, my eye rested on the familiar view -- the limpid lake, with its setting of luxuriant woods and farms, its graceful bay and varied points, the hills where every cliff and cave and glen had been trodden a thousand times by my boyish feet -- all this was dear to me as the face of a friend. And it appeared as if the landscape, then lovely in summer beauty, were about to assume something of dignity hitherto unknown -- were not the shadows of a grand eclipse to fall upon every wave and branch within a few hours! There was one object in the landscape which a stranger would probably have overlooked, or might perhaps have called unsightly, but it was familiar to every eye in the village, and endowed by our people with the honors of an ancient landmark -- the tall gray trunk of a dead and branchless pine, which had been standing on the crest of the eastern hill, at the time of the foundation of the village, and which was still erect, though rocked since then by a thousand storms. To my childish fancy, it had seemed an imaginary flag-staff, or, in rustic parlance, the "liberty pole" of some former generation; but now, as I traced the familiar line of the tall trunk, in its peculiar shade of silvery gray, it became to the eye of the young sailor the mast of some phantom ship. I remember greeting it with a smile, as this was the first glance of recognition given to the old ruin of the forest since my return.

But an object of far higher interest suddenly attracted my eye. I discovered a star -- a solitary star -- twinkling dimly in a sky which had now changed its hue to a pale grayish twilight, while vivid touches of coloring were beginning to flush the eastern sky. There was absolutely no other object visible in the heavens -- cloud there was none, not even the lightest vapor. That lonely star excited a vivid interest in my mind. I continued at the window gazing, and losing myself in a sort of day-dream. That star was a heavenly body, it was known to be a planet, and my mind was filling itself with images of planets and suns. My brain was confusing itself with vague ideas of magnitude and distance, and of the time required by light to pierce the apparently illimitable void that lay between us -- of the beings who might inhabit an orb like that, with life, feeling, spirit, and aspirations like my own.

Soon the sun himself rose into view. I caught a glimpse of fiery light glowing among the branches of the forest, on the eastern mountain. I watched, as I had done a hundred times before, the flushing of the skies, the gradual illuminations of the different hills, crowned with an undulating and ragged outline of pines, nearly two hundred feet in height, the golden light gliding silently down the breast of the western mountains, and opening clearer views of grove and field, until lake, valley, and village lay smiling in one cheerful glow of warm sunshine.

Our family party assembled early. We were soon joined by friends and connections, all eager and excited, and each provided with a colored glass for the occasion. By nine o'clock the cool air, which is peculiar to the summer nights in the Highlands, had left us, and the heat of midsummer filled the valley. The heavens were still absolutely cloudless, and a more brilliant day never shone in our own bright climate. There was not a breath of air, and we could see the rays of heat quivering here and there on the smooth surface of the lake. There was every appearance of a hot and sultry noontide.

We left the house, and passed beyond the grounds into the broad and grassy street which lay between the gates and the lake. Here there were no overhanging branches to obstruct the view; the heavens, the wooded mountains, and the limpid sheet of water before us, were all distinctly seen. As the hour for the eclipse drew near, our eagerness and excitement increased to an almost boyish impatience. The elders of the party were discussing the details of some previous eclipse: leaving them to revive their recollections, I strolled away, glass in hand, through the principal streets of the village. Scarce a dwelling, or a face, in the little town, that was not familiar to me, and it gave additional zest to the pleasure of a holiday at home, to meet one's townsfolk under the excitement of an approaching eclipse. As yet there was no great agitation, although things wore a rather unusual aspect for the busy hours of a summer's day. Many were busy with their usual tasks, women and children were coming and going with pails of water, the broom and the needle were not yet laid aside, the blacksmith's hammer and the carpenter's plane were heard in passing their shops. Loaded teams, and travellers in waggons, were moving through the streets; the usual quiet traffic at the village counters had not yet ceased. A farm-waggon, heavily laden with hay, was just crossing the bridge, coming in from the fields, the driver looking drowsy with sleep, wholly unconscious of the movement in the heavens. The good people in general, however, were on the alert; at every house some one seemed to be watching, and many groups were passed, whose eager up-turned faces and excited conversation spoke the liveliest interest. It was said, that there were not wanting one or two philosophers of the skeptical school, among our people, who did not choose to commit themselves to the belief in a total eclipse of the sun -- simply because they had never seen one. Seeing is believing, we are told, though the axiom admits of dispute. But what these worthy neighbors of ours had not seen, no powers of reasoning, or fulness of evidence, could induce them to credit. Here was the dignity of human reason! Here was private judgment taking a high stand! Anxious to witness the conversion of one of these worthies, with boyish love of fun I went in quest of him. He had left the village, however, on business. But, true to his principles, before mounting his horse that morning, he had declared to his wife that "he was not running away from that eclipse;" nay, more, with noble candor, he averred that if the eclipse did overtake him, in the course of his day's journey, "he would not be above acknowledging it!" This was highly encouraging.

I had scarcely returned to the family party, left on the watch, when one of my brothers, more vigilant, or with clearer sight than his companions, exclaimed that he clearly saw a dark line, drawn on the western margin of the sun's disc! All faces were instantly turned upwards, and through the glasses we could indeed now see a dusky, but distinct object, darkening the sun's light. An exclamation of delight, almost triumphant, burst involuntarily from the lips of all. We were not to be disappointed, no cloud was there to veil the grand spectacle; the vision, almost unearthly in its sublime dignity, was about to be revealed to us. In an incredibly short time, the oval formation of the moon was discerned. Another joyous burst of delight followed, as one after another declared that he beheld with distinctness the dark oval outline, drawn against the flood of golden light. Gradually, and at first quite imperceptibly to our sight, that dark and mysterious sphere gained upon the light, while a feeling of watchful stillness, verging upon reverence, fell upon our excited spirits.

As yet there was no change perceptible in the sunlight falling upon lake and mountain; the familiar scene wore its usual smiling aspect, bright and glowing as on other days of June. The people, however, were now crowding into the streets -- their usual labors were abandoned -- forgotten for the moment -- and all faces were turned upward. So little, however, was the change in the power of the light, that to a careless observer it seemed more the gaze of faith, than positive perception, which turned the faces of all upward. Gradually a fifth, and even a fourth, of the sun's disc became obscured, and still the unguarded eye could not endure the flood of light -- it was only with the colored glass that we could note the progress of the phenomenon. The noon-day heat, however, began to lessen, and something of the coolness of early morning returned to the valley.

I was looking upward, intently watching for the first moment where the dark outline of the moon should be visible to the naked eye, when an acquaintance passed. "Come with me!" he said quietly, at the same moment drawing his arm within my own, and leading me away. He was a man of few words, and there was an expression in his face which induced me to accompany him without hesitation. He led me to the Court House, and from thence into an adjoining building, and into a room then occupied by two persons. At a window, looking upward at the heavens, stood a figure which instantly riveted my attention. It was a man with haggard face, and fettered arms, a prisoner under sentence of death. By his side was the jailor.

A painful tragedy had been recently enacted in our little town. The schoolmaster of a small hamlet in the county had beaten a child under his charge very severely -- and for a very trifling error. The sufferer was a little girl, his own niece, and it was said that natural infirmity had prevented the child from clearly pronouncing certain words which her teacher required her to utter distinctly. To conquer what he considered the obstinacy of the child, this man continued to beat her so severely that she never recovered from the effects of the blows, and died some days after. The wretched man was arrested, tried for murder, condemned, and sentenced to the gallows. This was the first capital offence in Otsego County. It produced a very deep impression. The general character of the schoolmaster had been, until that evil hour, very good, in every way. He was deeply, and beyond all doubt unfeignedly, penitent for the crime into which he had been led, more, apparently, from false ideas of duty, than from natural severity of temper. He had been entirely unaware of the great physical injury he was doing the child. So great was his contrition, that public sympathy had been awakened in his behalf, and powerful petitions had been sent to the Governor of the State, in order to obtain a respite, if not a pardon. But the day named by the judge arrived without a return of the courier. The Governor was at his country-house, at least eighty miles beyond Albany. The petition had been kept to the last moment, for additional signatures, and the eighty miles to be travelled by the courier, after reaching Albany, had not been included in the calculation. No despatch was received, and there was every appearance that there would be no reprieve. The day arrived -- throngs of people from Chenango, and Unadilla, and from the valley of the Mohawk, poured into the village, to witness the painful, and as yet unknown, spectacle of a public execution. In looking down, from an elevated position, upon the principal street of the village that day, it had seemed to me paved with human faces. The hour struck, the prisoner was taken from the jail, and, seated, as is usual, on his coffin, was carried to the place of execution, placed between two ministers of the gospel. His look of utter misery was beyond description. I have seen other offenders expiate for their crimes with life, but never have I beheld such agony, such a clinging to life, such mental horror at the nearness of death, as was betrayed by this miserable man. When he approached the gallows, he rose from his seat, and wringing his fettered hands, turned his back upon the fearful object, as if the view were too frightful for endurance. The ministers of the gospel succeeded at length in restoring him to a decent degree of composure. The last prayer was offered, and his own fervent "Amen!" was still sounding, hoarse, beseeching, and almost despairing, in the ears of the crowd, when the respite made its tardy appearance. A short reprieve was granted, and the prisoner was carried back to the miserable cell from which he had been drawn in the morning.

Such was the wretched man who had been brought from his dungeon that morning, to behold the grand phenomenon of the eclipse. During the twelve-month previous, he had seen the sun but once. The prisons of those days were literally dungeons, cut off from the light of day. That striking figure, the very picture of utter misery, his emotion, his wretchedness, I can never forget. I can see him now, standing at the window, pallid and emaciated by a year's confinement, stricken with grief, his cheeks furrowed with constant weeping, his whole frame attesting the deep and ravaging influences of conscious guilt and remorse. Here was a man drawn from the depths of human misery, to be immediately confronted with the grandest natural exhibition in which the Creator deigns to reveal his Omnipotence to our race. The wretched criminal, a murderer in fact, though not in intention, seemed to gaze upward at the awful spectacle, with an intentness and a distinctness of mental vision far beyond our own, and purchased by an agony scarcely less bitter than death. It seemed as if, for him, the curtain which veils the world beyond the grave, had been lifted. He stood immovable as a statue, with uplifted and manacled arms and clasped hands, the very image of impotent misery and wretchedness. Perhaps human invention could not have conceived of a more powerful moral accessory, to heighten the effect of the sublime movement of the heavenly bodies, than this spectacle of penitent human guilt afforded. It was an incident to stamp on the memory for life. It was a lesson not lost on me.

When I left the Court House, a sombre, yellowish, unnatural coloring was shed over the country. A great change had taken place. The trees on the distant heights had lost their verdure and their airy character; they were taking the outline of dark pictures graven upon an unfamiliar sky. The lake wore a lurid aspect, very unusual. All living creatures seemed thrown into a state of agitation. The birds were fluttering to and fro, in great excitement; they seemed to mistrust that this was not the gradual approach of evening, and were undecided in their movements. Even the dogs -- honest creatures -- became uneasy, and drew closer to their masters. The eager, joyous look of interest and curiosity, which earlier in the morning had appeared in almost every countenance, was now changed to an expression of wonder or anxiety or thoughtfulness, according to the individual character.

Every house now gave up its tenants. As the light failed more and more with every passing second, the children came flocking about their mothers in terror. The women themselves were looking about uneasily for their husbands. The American wife is more apt than any other to turn with affectionate confidence to the stronger arm for support. The men were very generally silent and grave. Many a laborer left his employment to be near his wife and children, as the dimness and darkness increased.

I once more took my position beside my father and my brothers, before the gates of our own grounds. The sun lay a little obliquely to the south and east, in the most favorable position possible for observation. I remember to have examined, in vain, the whole dusky canopy in search of a single cloud. It was one of those entirely unclouded days, less rare in America than in Europe. The steadily waning light, the gradual approach of darkness, became the more impressive as we observed this absolutely transparent state of the heavens. The birds, which a quarter of an hour earlier had been fluttering about in great agitation, seemed now convinced that night was at hand. Swallows were dimly seen dropping into the chimneys, the martins returned to their little boxes, the pigeons flew home to their dove-cots, and through the open door of a small barn we saw the fowls going to roost.

The usual flood of sunlight had now become so much weakened, that we could look upward long, and steadily, without the least pain. The sun appeared like a young moon of three or four days old, though of course with a larger and more brilliant crescent. Looking westward a moment, a spark appeared to glitter before my eye. For a second I believed it to be an optical illusion, but in another instant I saw it plainly to be a star. One after another they came into view, more rapidly than in the evening twilight, until perhaps fifty stars appeared to us, in a broad, dark zone of the heavens, crowning the pines on the western mountain. This wonderful vision of the stars, during the noontide hours of day, filled the spirit with singular sensations.

Suddenly one of my brothers shouted aloud, "The moon!" Quicker than thought, my eye turned eastward again, and there floated the moon, distinctly apparent, to a degree that was almost fearful. The spherical form, the character, the dignity, the substance of the planet, were clearly revealed as I have never beheld them before, or since. It looked grand, dark, majestic, and mighty, as it thus proved its power to rob us entirely of the sun's rays. We are all but larger children. In daily life we judge of objects by their outward aspect. We are accustomed to think of the sun, and also of the moon, as sources of light, as etherial, almost spiritual, in their essence. But the positive material nature of the moon was now revealed to our senses, with a force of conviction, a clearness of perception, that changed all our usual ideas in connection with the planet. This was no interposition of vapor, no deceptive play of shadow; but a vast mass of obvious matter had interposed between the sun above us and the earth on which we stood. The passage of two ships at sea, sailing on opposite courses, is scarcely more obvious than this movement of one world before another. Darkness like that of early night now fell upon the village.

My thoughts turned to the sea. A sailor at heart, already familiar with the face of the ocean, I seemed, in mental vision, to behold the grandeur of that vast pall of supernatural shadow falling suddenly upon the sea, during the brightest hour of the day. The play of light and shade upon the billows, always full of interest, must at that hour have been indeed sublime. And my fancy was busy with pictures of white-sailed schooners, and brigs, and ships, gliding like winged spirits over the darkened waves.

I was recalled by a familiar and insignificant incident, the dull tramp of hoofs on the village bridge. A few cows, believing that night had overtaken them, were coming homeward from the wild open pastures about the village. And no wonder the kindly creatures were deceived, the darkness was now much deeper than the twilight which usually turns their faces homeward; the dew was falling perceptibly, as much so as at any hour of the previous night, and the coolness was so great that the thermometer must have fallen many degrees from the great heat of the morning. The lake, the hills, and the buildings of the little town were swallowed up in the darkness. The absence of the usual lights in the dwellings rendered the obscurity still more impressive. All labor had ceased, and the hushed voices of the people only broke the absolute stillness by subdued whispering tones.

"Hist! The whippoorwill!" whispered a friend near me; and at the same moment, as we listened in profound silence, we distinctly heard from the eastern bank of the river the wild, plaintive note of that solitary bird of night, slowly repeated at intervals. The song of the summer birds, so full in June, had entirely ceased for the last half hour. A bat came flitting about our heads. Many stars were now visible, though not in sufficient number to lessen the darkness. At one point only in the far distant northern horizon, something of the brightness of dawn appeared to linger.

At twelve minutes past eleven, the moon stood revealed in its greatest distinctness -- a vast black orb, so nearly obscuring the sun that the face of the great luminary was entirely and absolutely darkened, though a corona of rays of light appeared beyond. The gloom of night was upon us. A breathless intensity of interest was felt by all. There would appear to be something instinctive in the feeling with which man gazes at all phenomena in the heavens. The peaceful rainbow, the heavy clouds of a great storm, the vivid flash of electricity, the falling meteor, the beautiful lights of the aurora borealis, fickle as the play of fancy, -- these never fail to fix the attention with something of a peculiar feeling, different in character from that with which we observe any spectacle on the earth. Connected with all grand movements in the skies there seems an instinctive sense of inquiry, of anxious expectation; akin to awe, which may possibly be traced to the echoes of grand Christian prophecies, whispering to our spirits, and endowing the physical sight with some mysterious mental prescience. In looking back to that impressive hour, such now seem to me the feelings of the youth making one of that family group, all apparently impressed with a sensation of the deepest awe -- I speak with certainty -- a clearer view than I had ever yet had of the majesty of the Almighty, accompanied with a humiliating, and, I trust, a profitable sense of my own utter insignificance. That movement of the moon, that sublime voyage of the worlds, often recurs to my imagination, and even at this distant day, as distinctly, as majestically, and nearly as fearfully, as it was then beheld.

A group of silent, dusky forms stood near me; one emotion appeared to govern all. My father stood immovable, some fifteen feet from me, but I could not discern his features. Three minutes of darkness, all but absolute, elapsed. They appeared strangely lengthened by the intensity of feeling and the flood of overpowering thought which filled the mind.

Thus far the sensation created by this majestic spectacle had been one of humiliation and awe. It seemed as if the great Father of the Universe had visibly, and almost palpably, veiled his face in wrath. But, appalling as the withdrawal of light had been, most glorious, most sublime, was its restoration! The corona of light above the moon became suddenly brighter, the heavens beyond were illuminated, the stars retired, and light began to play along the ridges of the distant mountains. And then a flood of grateful, cheering, consoling brightness fell into the valley, with a sweetness and a power inconceivable to the mind, unless the eye has actually beheld it. I can liken this sudden, joyous return of light, after the eclipse, to nothing of the kind that is familiarly known. It was certainly nearest to the change produced by the swift passage of the shadow of a very dark cloud, but it was the effect of this instantaneous transition, multiplied more than a thousand fold. It seemed to speak directly to our spirits, with full assurance of protection, of gracious mercy, and of that Divine love which has produced all the glorious combinations of matter for our enjoyment. It was not in the least like the gradual dawning of day, or the actual rising of the sun. There was no gradation in the change. It was sudden, amazing, like what the imagination would teach us to expect of the advent of a heavenly vision. I know that philosophically I am wrong; but, to me, it seemed that the rays might actually be seen flowing through the darkness in torrents, till they had again illuminated the forest, the mountains, the valley, and the lake with their glowing, genial touch.

There was another grand movement, as the crescent of the sun reappeared, and the moon was actually seen steering her course through the void. Venus was still shining brilliantly.

This second passage of the moon lasted but a moment, to the naked eye. As it ceased, my eye fell again on the scene around me. The street, now as distinctly seen as ever, was filled with the population of the village. Along the line of road stretching for a mile from the valley, against the side of the mountain, were twenty waggons bearing travellers, or teams from among the hills. All had stopped on their course, impelled, apparently, by unconscious reverence, as much as by curiosity, while every face was turned toward heaven, and every eye drank in the majesty of the sight. Women stood in the open street, near me, with streaming eyes and clasped hands, and sobs were audible in different directions. Even the educated and reflecting men at my side continued silent in thought. Several minutes passed, before the profound impressions of the spectacle allowed of speech. At such a moment the spirit of man bows in humility before his Maker.

The changes of the unwonted light, through whose gradations the full brilliancy of the day was restored, must have been very similar to those by which it had been lost, but they were little noted. I remember, however, marking the instant when I could first distinguish the blades of grass at my feet -- and later again watching the shadows of the leaves on the gravel walk. The white lilies in my mother's flower-garden were observed by others among the first objects of the vegetation which could be distinguished from the windows of the house. Every living creature was soon rejoicing again in the blessed restoration of light after that frightful moment of a night at noon-day.

Men who witness any extraordinary spectacle together, are apt, in after-times, to find a pleasure in conversing on its impressions. But I do not remember to have ever heard a single being freely communicative on the subject of his individual feelings at the most solemn moment of the eclipse. It would seem as if sensations were aroused too closely connected with the constitution of the spirit to be irreverently and familiarly discussed. I shall only say that I have passed a varied and eventful life, that it has been my fortune to see earth, heavens, ocean, and man in most of their aspects; but never have I beheld any spectacle which so plainly manifested the majesty of the Creator, or so forcibly taught the lesson of humility to man as a total eclipse of the sun.

........................

So??? What do you think of this remarkable piece by James Fenimore Cooper?

Monday, July 21, 2008

LOVE: Part Two


LOVE is a strong word,
This I know for sure.
We say these four letters
to comfort us,
to show our affection to one another,
or to others

A painful
heartbreaking four letters
That are supposed to help us
see good in life,
To make us feel like
lie is worth living.
with all these four letters
unless you mean them deep down in your heart,
because if you say these four letters and don't mean them
I'll die, you'll die and bye bye...

Love is a strong word
This I know for sure
so make sure you
ask yourself this
'Do I really love this person? or am I just using them
to get what i want from this sweet person
who loves and respects me,
am I?'
AM I?

Because love is a strong word
and I hate to see you get hurt,
by such a strong word.
Love...

from,
the horny gOat..

p/s..if you are wondering where is Love: Part One..it is in my friendster's blog..

http://profiles.friendster.com/nizasyazre

The goat is hungry..for LOVE....
mamaaaaaaaa.........................................................

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Problems faced when I write...


Writing is easy. However, to write a flawless piece of work comes with price. There's a price to produce a creative writing. Therefore, reflecting to my experience, I will list down some of the problems I face when I write.

During the pre-writing, I normally have problem in organizing ideas. How to let my ideas flow is one more thing when I write. When there are too many ideas, I get confused on which to locate in my writing. Next is when i draft the outline. This is when I put everything after I select things from the pouring ideas, earlier. In building a framework for my ideas, there are many things to be considered. I always messed up with my thesis statement. When I jot down the thesis sentence, I tend to choose on unnecessary points to be elaborated. Then, I will have problem in sequencing and I will be perplexed with my principle of selection.

During the writing stage, I always have problems with grammar, tenses, pronouns, thesis statements and the exposition. The blatant problem with me is I tend to mix the tenses. If only I know on how to stick on certain tense. I wish there's a tense that can be used for all purpose. People say that writing is speaking on paper. One question, if you speak in mess, does that means your writing is a mess too? This is why we have to devise and revise the writing. A lot of editing must take place. "To improve is to change, to be perfect, we have to change often!"

After I write, I revise my writing. Surprisingly, I notice that I overwrite the essay. I overstate my points. This leads to many needless words and details. I also notice that my piece of writing is not simple and straightforward. Therefore, when I show my essay to my friends, they are clueless on what I am trying to explain. Obviously, I do not know on how to add color, excitement and style in my writing. I make things complicated when they are supposed to be simple. My teacher told me long time ago on her principle in writing. That would be "KISS". It simply means to "Keep It Simple and Straightforward!" I have to be organized! I am learning to organize points easily and effectively. That is why I am in this course.

Those are some of my problems in writing. I am definitely certain that normal people face the same problems too. I wish to improve in writing and produce a masterpiece before I graduate from this program. I really hope to learn on how to develop my ideas effectively, to get my points across, and to write something that hold my readers' attention. This is why I am in this course.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Where are you?


Are you sleeping,
Dreaming we were still friends?,
I'll always be here till the very end.

It seems like,
You're all I think about,
Every day and every night.

I can't get my mind off of you,
No matter how hard I try,
I think about you all of the time.

We were meant to be together,
But you're not here,
And I need you now...

Where are you..

The New Semester...


Pheww…laziness employs sarcasm in me. At least, they have a better job to keep! New term means new ‘friends’. The ghastly idea of being in class, filled with notes in hand makes me want to throw up.

Every semester I have to remind myself that all I need to do is to keep the game going. Last time I checked, I procrastinated a lot, I slept too much, I ate heavenly till my tummy grew bigger. As every other semester, I am still discovering myself. I seek my identity in toughness. Hopefully there will be some light inside the door I am about to knock. Who am I? This is me.

Sometimes, I wish I know the value of not knowing. Sometimes, I wish I do not know some things I knew. The more I excavate the more I become nauseas. There are times when I think I should not care what happens in this world? Malaysia is shaking already. There is nobody to trust. Seriously, what is happening to us? Hatred fills our heart. Kindness is looking for a new land, far away from what we have here. I cry when nobody is looking. I scream when nobody is listening. I crawl when everyone goes with speed. I am just a minute part in this humongous factory of ‘plasticity’.

The new semester offers more homework, more extra hours of reading, more pressure and expensive hours of typing. My aim for this semester is to be NORMAL. Normal is not an average term for being me. That is unacceptable! Normal is going beyond my abnormality. I have to be brave to cross the border. This time it is for real. There is a price I have to pay for being abnormal today. Let’s just say, the price is priceless.

We live in a beautiful, fat world, filled with greed and fake smiles. I have relapsing myself after I improved a little. Sometimes, I feel that I am so cheap. They say, “Not knowing is bad, but not to wish to know is worse.” There are many things I wish I did not do, but I did. Bad things.. I did what I had to do and I am sorry to those who got hurt during my dominion. I am sorry.

The new semester remains as new semester. Soon, it will flutter away. Then, the new term approaches. The cycle goes on until the last day I stamp my feet during my 8th semester here. Then? Sayonara I guess to this ‘plastic’ camp.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Re-live in my past memory...

I just had a BTN day. A whole day of brainwashing of my stability in political aspect of my life and my faith as an excel goat. Gosht..if that ever make any sense. I wish..

I'm living through my memories of being with a 'tree'. The tree slashes my heart many times...with a rusty peeler! It hurts..double the pain! However, the surrounding keeps blaming me for what had happened! Is it fair for me? Is there any Heartbreak Hotel open at this hour? I really need to check in..

Sarcasm fills his empty heart. No more space for nobody except himself. Why? Why? The clueless idea of making a man has made us bamboozled! One shall live in dignity no matter how ignominy it will be. The goat however thinks that the great notion is unacceptable. It is an unacceptable norm! We live in a beautiful, fat world, filled with lies and fake smiles. Plasticity keeps scraping away. The goat wonders where is the tree when he is supposed to cover me in the rain? The glass will not get any smaller. The world is on the other hand. The goat screams to the trees around him..."You're gonna miss me the way I was!".."I did what I had to do!".."Im sorry!".."Where are YOU???"

The tree had created a cocoon of human activities. Conservation, interaction, affection....etc..and it filled his life on overflowing soup bowl. The goat feels a gist of cruelty in him. The hatred grows. Nobody knows and nobody cares. The goat loves the tree! "Silly!, tree can't talk!" What will you do if I show you the tree can talk? The tree definitely can talk and stand on his feet well!

There are many sides to turn to. But, which side can be trusted? The goat asks..which side always win? The tree answers, smiling.."Love wins! Love always wins!"..he crinkled his eyes, and he crooked his teeth...pretending the world does not notice him...

The goat silently sits and think for a moment...LOVE...LOVE..what is LOVE??? He broke his back so oft that he could not remember when was the last time the lightning stroke his back...villainous.

The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. The goat speechlessly says..."I must be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it!"..mmmbbekk....
mmmbbekkkk....all we do is to keep the game going! Get our heads in the game!

Last time I checked, I was still in this planet. If I die, you'll die and bye bye! I will never forget that moment..the way Tree looked exactly the same..only completely different. The shame that all I can think about was how hard this was for me. I was so selfish. I was so mean to the tree! I was bad! But it's too late to apologize. I just wanted to help him...but the hardest part is how quickly I had to move on. I believe it's ok to be scared and sad. It's ok to cry sometimes. I'm not the only one. I hope someday, he'll join me in the world we are living..as one. I care about Tree.

I'm living through memories of being with Tree. Though it hurts for both of us, we have to walk with seemliness in us. At least, we still have the pride to walk through each other.

Maybe there will be opportunity for us to shine on. Let the time heals everything. Let the rain clears our path. Let the moon guides us through the night.

The goat is tired. BTN was tiring. Sitting in a warm freezer the whole day made him melody-less.
MMbbeek..bbekk..bek..poot...ops..I accidentally farted..Sorry..

C ya round..;p

p/s-yippie...got no morning class tomorrow...got a class at 5pm..till 7...oMg...
proviton proviton...

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

"The Malay Problem..."


aNs..52 days to go before we celebrate 2008 MERDEKA! day. Anything can happen, either today, tomorrow or soon.

I shall quote a wise man's say.."Not knowing is bad, but not to wish to know is worse!"

Today is another day. Conflicts are everywhere. I wonder what is happening to the 'peace' Malaysia we once had. Politic is getting grubbier by days. I have lost conviction upon political parties in Malaysia..Hit me in the face but I have no idea who to trust. As mentioned earlier, I'm just a minute part in this drama. I'm aNs...

..................

In Malaysia, the Malays are faced with a personal problem. It is a problem which concerns their real, innermost attitude towards Malaysia, towards sharing the land of the Malays with others. It concerns their hopes when merdeka was achieved and the dashing of some of these hopes on the rocks of reality.

It is a predicament which everyone has avoided mentioning in public for various reasons. The Chinese and Indians think that the Malays know that they have a perplexing problem and that public reference to it might start a chain reaction which could be uncontrollable and disastrous.

The Malays themselves have shunned an open statement of the problem because it embarrasses them, and is an embarrassment to others. They, more than anyone else, have been responsible for keeping this peculiar Malay problem suppressed.

On the surface, the deliberate avoidance of discussion seems good. It preserves the atmosphere of tranquility which is mistaken for racial harmony in Malaysia. It makes for good administration, It encourages investment and development. But the actual situation beneath this seeming tranquility and harmony is fraught with danger.

Every community, whether Chinese, Indians or Malays, clinging tightly to racial loyalties, keeps on sparring with this Malay problem. And because each group does not know the other's strength and the fierceness of the feelings involved, this sparring tends to build up tensions which could boil over. Should this happen, and it is very likely, the lack of mutual knowledge could make compromise impossible.

The situation could become uncontrollable. There could be disaster. And what happened in Nigeria could be the fate of Malaysia......

.....................excerpt from "The Malay Dilemma, Federal Publications, 1981, "The Malay Problem, p115".....

Looking at the mirror, the horny goat asks...are we playing our role well? Do we understand out part in this movie? Do you understand the Malay character?

Anyway, that chapter is taken from "The Malay Dilemma" which was published long time ago before the goat was born. Seriously, where are we now??? 1957-2008...we have gone through gazillions of incidents. Surprisingly, we are still here. Where? The goat says...HERE. Have we change? Have we learn from our mistakes??

War is everywhere and it is killing every one of us, silently. Stop shouting "It's not fair!, Save our rights!...bla bla bla..." Seriously, is there anyone listening to such crap? The goat cannot simply say that he is content with where he is standing. Nevertheless, he is thankful for the opportunity to be with other goats...either black or 'white'. In fact, he loves being with them. Who does not???

Even the Malays stab their own blood. Its painful and tormenting to live and re-live this way. Selfish is not just the issue. "Bang" on our own body. Slowly, fights among ourselves develops. Hatred grows and a beast comes out from its hole. One day, we will be no longer standing on the land we preach as ours!

Where are we now? Where are you? 2008...re-live the past???? It is happening everyone. Wake up from your lunatic fantasy and open your eyes widely! Who are you going to trust now? Who are you giving your heart to? Who are you going to hold and lean your shoulder on????

The goat is tired....its better to watch MTV and sing with tuneless tone. MMMbbbekkk....
The goat is horny...looking for the answers for his endless questions and craving for a nice, hot meal through the night.

C ya round peeps...

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Dulce world!

Some people say the world is interesting. Seriously, who's behind this nasty scheme? I guess B.Wordsworth knows everything about world, huh.. I must divulge that he is a wise man though, intelligibly intelligent! If a pin can float on the water, I will be the second person to shout, "Dulce world! Nice!" The first would be Sir A.K.A, I presume.

............... ...................... .........................................

My name is "aNs"...reflecting to my life so far...so many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. To me, the way you get meaning INTO your life is to devote yourself to LOVING others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. Honestly, can somebody tell me to shut up and stop the nonsense. Oh, whatever it is...interpret them on your own..."Bang Bang"

........................ .............. .........................................................

aNs is not anna nicole smith though its interesting to adore such creature. Have I told you the tension of OPPOSITES? I say..the tension of opposites?

A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. Just a trivia, most of us live somewhere in the middle! Interesting...don't act as if this is new. Where are we now? Nevermind, I, myself think it sounds like a wrestling match. A "wrestling match" for goodness sake! That's an interesting way to describe the stretch on the rubber band. That's how life is. OPPOSITE...next to..in front of...over...below...just terms to describe the position things are at. Oh, can somebody stop me! Darn....curse on me!

Let's prolong with LIFE. aNs's here! Life is a series of pulling back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it has to be that way. That happens all the time. Something hurts you, yet you know it should not. You have to come to your senses and you know deep inside you, it has to be that way. This is how we live. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted or you will regret it soon. That's me. Call me irresponsible but I am willing to change. Let us change!

.............. ..................................................... .......................... ..................................................

I'm developing my own culture. That's all for now.
C ya round.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Hero's Song

Hey peeps..i've been listening to this piece for quite a while now. I wish peace to be restored but i'm just a minute part, playing unimportant role here...the world needs us to stay in peace and harmony....war, war, war....corruption is everywhere....it's dooms day! Monday is dooms day! If only I can stamp my feet on the ground, make it really loud and make a bigger sound that people can listen for at least a sec.....i'm begging for peace!!!!Please....let us sing....


Here I am
In the desert again
A compass and a weapon
A lost American

I started out with a simple plan
And a locket in my hand
But the sun is so unforgiving
And the wind so hard to stand

Fall out, fall out
With the rest of your brothers
With the rest of your sisters
Heroes on the line

Carry out what your leader says
For what his leader says
Is that his leader says
This is right for the people

No one will ever understand *why*
Thousands of beautiful healthy young statues must fall
Smoke and explosions surround me
A flood of hate, it drowns me
I cannot live this way
No I cannot live with
Doubt and confusion
They find me
They run up right behind me
I cannot die this way
No, I cannot die this way

In the water, in the sand
Is the blood of a culture
Is the blood of an ancient people
In whose holy war I stand

I hear the world like a cannon roar
Say I can win this war
I promise them this
Is not what I signed up for

No one will ever understand *why*
Thousands of beautiful healthy young statues must fall
Smoke and explosions surround me
A flood of hate, it drowns me
I cannot live this way
No I cannot live
With doubt and confusion
They find me
They run up right behind me
I cannot die this way
No, I cannot die this way

No one will ever understand *why*
Thousands of beautiful healthy young soldiers must fall

Smoke and explosions surround me
A flood of hate, it drowns me
I cannot live this way
I cannot live
With *your* doubt and confusion
They find me
They run up right behind me
I cannot die this way
No, I will not die this way

----a song by Brendan James, "Hero's Song"

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Here I cum...i mean "come"..pardon me for such perversive expression. A new journey has already begun. Ready or not, here we are. Oh my lady, oh my lady..i've prepared you haven't i? I think i did..Well, i can't say that i am happy, but i'm pretty contented. I'm in relapse...i think. But i'm doing just fine...just at the right time of the year. Positivity is in my context this time. Just wait and see. Let's get naked everyone! Britney did and it seems fine! Pose and expose people! I nominate you as the biggest coward of all time! Chitty chitty bang bang..ooh i love the sound of that hideous C. So much for a dancing diva as for a C cup. I hope you still have the locomotion this time missy! You are such a chit...arrogant...dreamy. "Bang" "Bang"...chitty chitty bang bang...i am listlessly in mood for the beginning of a new war..which is apparently tomorrow. Aigoooo....i don't wanna be honchoed for your stupid action missy! Get naked! You've been enslaving me for years missy! Now is the best time to stop before Ramadhan comes! I think i've made a right decision of letting you go missy...rest in peace dear. I must say that there is something about you that makes me less stupid like the rest. Nevertheless, im awake now..thank you for that. "Bang" "Bang"... Though i don't think there is a room for reconciliation for us baby. Not now, not tomorrow, never. Let those moments be unfrozen and let it go. Amin. oh one more thing, stop selling me candy Ok! i won't buy it from you amynore..ops..i mean 'anymore'. Oh man..oh man...let's just say, i'd rather remain as the still of the night...hmmm....You've finally made me happy when you go..call me irresponsible coz thats my middle name. C ya!