Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Is it?

Please tell me it's not over...before it begins!

I wish you could stay longer...but....it's only a wish...

and it won't come true...just want you to be happy all the time!


It's an unfortunate gift...satisfaction may be negotiated.

FantaSIZE me in ur dReams.....

Double the spice if u treat me nice...

Need help?


012-in-ur-dreams bitch!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Obviously, I am an idiot!

I had the craziest and cutest night ever last two nights. I had my awkward moment, meeting new people; whom in my opinion.........possess a high level of maturity. Not to mention, I was out of their world at times....

I was sleepy and I was bored for the first hour of silence. I talked minimally. I tried to open up by letting them see my sexy 'language' and sexy 'physical attraction'. Obviously, some of them were pleased...gosht I feel like a whore now.

I had no idea where we were, so I did not dare to leave....

Finally, I broke the awkwardness with the help of a new friend; whom shares the same age as mine. Thank you for that.

Later that night, it went crazy...with a crazy party going on, loud music, smokes, nice FnB...chocolate, ice cream.... Those people were actually good in pretending...so warmth and welcoming. They were good actors, I think (including me).

I had no idea what was I doing there. Seriously! Then, I sang some songs (karaoke) with some of them. Well, basically..they were out of tune except me who seriously made an effort to hit the right notes.

The party went on but I could not see where was the person who brought me there...Oh boy. I was left helplessly. I knew where he was...but I could not care less... I was enjoying the limelight given to me...

However, he finally said sorry...and brought me to another place... I thought we were heading home.... Nevermind...the night was still young...

We came to a cutest point of my life when we cherished everything we shared that night. I felt free. I lost all of my tight burdens. I love that moment. Well, it was just another cute dream, I think....

Now? I lost everything. Literally and figuratively. But I had fun... I enjoyed it. I blended in (after some series of struggle). I made friends. I loved the moments we spent together. Those are too cute to be true.

I don't think I want to walk on the same path again. Nope. Not anymore. I don't want to see them anymore, I think. Let it remain as a bittersweet dream. I got what I was looking for and it was more than enough already.

with love,

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I'm not 12 anymore!

Yup....I am well aware of the signals. I am not a 12 years old boy anymore.... SO, I fully understand.

Thanks for everything.

I feel free now.....like a bird soaring up high in the sky!

I am happy for you though.....;p

Keep on smiling, and be happy my friend. ;p

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Review of my training months. (Part 2)

"Creativity means believing you have greatness."
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Being a teacher does not mean that you only come to school to teach...
Along the way, you have to fill in whatever position the management gives you...
This is where your humility and professionalism are tested to a greater impact...

Having the opportunity of being a trainee at SMKSI has really opened my eyes, widely!
I did every single thing that the school asked me to....

If you think relief duty is heavy, think about...handling the school trip somewhere, teaching other subjects besides your option, preparing exam question (qualification is out of the box), handling discipline matters, leading a program, updating the lessons etc....

Sometimes, these things make you grow up... You will look at your life and others at a different angle...

I consider myself lucky as those experience were worth to die for...They say; "It's the politics at workplace or kerenah birokrasi.."

I'd say; "It's a new level of professionalism!"

Take it with open arms, look for sources and help...and you can enjoy the satisfaction..(satisfaction guaranteed!).

During my training days, I have taught more than one subjects. They were:
-Pendidikan Moral
-Pendidikan Seni Visual
-Pendidikan Agama Islam
-Amalan Bahasa Melayu (for remove class)

I had no idea on how to execute my lessons at the beginning. Nevertheless, with the help of in-charge persons, I pulled myself together and I had fun...for myself and the students...Most of the times, games come in handy...

The students especially form 1 students, labeled me as "Cikgu teka-teki". Why? Perhaps I should ask 1D students or maybe 1E... Was it because I gave them too much riddles?

They are kids. Obviously they love games...As a teacher, manipulate those interest and make it into fun learning...Everyone can!

Along the way during my practicum, many things happened. I look at those as the bittersweet symphony of my life as a trainee.

I was offered for sex by a student...Tettt...reality check: It did happen!
I was called "Stupid!" right to my face by a student.
I was stalked by students.(still do ;p)
Students extremely fought in my classes. Blood was everywhere!!!
With these, skipping class is just a minute problem for us at SMKSI.
I handled it with dignity (^_^) though...I had no idea...being someone with power tested my credibility I guess.

I had so much fun during my training days. Life is full of colors. There are blessing in disguise for whatever happens.

It's not a fairytale anymore, having good students like other schools. I accepted everything with joy and laughter.

Auntie Liza told me once; "Cikgu, if you know how to look for fun at this school, then you should have no misery after this.."

It's true... Be creative...dig in and blend in with students...STUDY them! I managed to have fun and it's nothing but fun...(though sometimes I tend to hurt myself). I did silly stuffs sometimes.

I think that's all for part 2...I ought to take my shower now...

....to be continued....

I honestly miss u.

Well..that's all..huhu...

I think I really miss u...so much...

I want you back CT!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Review of my training months. (Part 1)

"Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them."
William Shakespeare

Oh boy, this is going to be tough..

The first time I stepped my feet on the soil of SMKSI: "Not bad." (So, I have set my hope high)...Oh, I met my first friend today; Auntie Liza. I love you dearly my angel!

The first day of SOP: "Still not too bad." (The hopes and dreams were still high)

The first Friday of SOP: "What?, Kene mengecat Blok D?! Boy, at least I have made some friends with students who thought I am a transfer student from other school...;p

The very first day of practicum (15/6): It's my first time attending the weekly assembly at the Dewan. I was awkward since I was the only boy on the stage..till En Hijazi, Mr Selva n Mr Arud joined us. And this is the first time the Principal and En Hijazi introduced Ifa and I to all evening students. Getting to know with each other was seriously fun and full of laughter...I mean with the teachers...(I wondered how it would have been getting to know with students..).. Been assigned to take over Sir Arud's classes (2C and 2D) plus two classes of Pendidikan Moral for En Hijazi (1C and 1E)...Oh boy...I was clueless..but I took it with open arms. ;p

The next day: All geared up for observations (SOP Report Part C). What a surprise!!! 2D was like a damaged hell!!! I cried behind Blok A (don't underestimate the feminine side of a guy!) Lucky for me that Auntie Liza was there to comfort me....She's like a mother I never had... Oh yeah, today is the day I witnessed my hopes and dreams went down the drain...'swoosh' just like that... ;(

The 3rd day: Another round of observation with 2C. It was a better hell I guess... Cool, at least, there were 4 or 5 students who wanted to learn... Cool... Suddenly, Sir Arud introduced me to the class.... With my 'poyo-ness' act; I spoke like some kind of freak who's blinded by the colors of 1 Malaysia...ahax... Nevermind...

The first Thursday: My very first official weekly meeting with all teachers. Out of nowhere, the Principal (Pn Hjh Mawarni) introduced the four of us; Nua, Ika, Ifa and I publicly... I felt like a celebrity...with the red carpet and warmth welcoming speech from everyone...cool.. Thanks for welcoming us! OK, this is the first time I walked in 2D to teach for real! They were so rude and the class was merely looking like a haunted zoo! There were gangs as well...I think...4 different gangs at least. Guess what, this was the first time I learn to SHOUT! But, it was a huge bitch slap for me...as they could not care less...(due to my shouts and babbling in English)...they just did not get my points...Seriously, it was a one way communication... I felt terribly defeated that day...so I cried and had a chat with Auntie Liza... The teachers also gave me some useful tips... Thanks for comforting me especially to Kak Irtiza, Kak Halijah, Kak Fiza, Kak Shikin, Kak Aizan and Kak Fadiah for comforting me that evening! It meant a lot for me...still do somehow.

My very first Friday: Pergh..I was tooooooo early. The school normally starts at 2.30pm and I was already there from 12pm. I was just curious...and it was my first time; performing Solat Jumaat at Masjid Sultan Alam Shah, Jalan Raja Jumaat. I went there with the kindness of Anuar who offered me a ride. Thanks Nua....for everything. Teaching was ok. This was my first encounter with teaching Pendidikan Moral (Form 1). Again, I was clueless and had zero idea on how to start the class... So, I got to know with my students... They were nice... I think my first lesson plan for moral is one hell of a crap... Oh boy, I am a majestic crap, I guess.

The summary of my first week: I did a terrible mistake for communication. There was no connection with students especially with 2D. The ice-breaking was a disaster. The class was upside down... SO, my hopes and dreams were farfetched from its original place. I crumbled during my first week. I went home; crying and hogging to my housemates...and I reset everything. EVERYTHING...

I think I have to stop here... I need to take my shower. Daa.

....to be continued...

Thursday, September 3, 2009

time to say goodbye? so not fair...

Is it time already? Argh...what is this? This is freaking absurd.... Y do I have to say goodbye? SHould I?

I hate goodbyes...goodbye is just a polite word to say, "Maybe we'll c each other again, maybe not..."... It's not fair... SO, I won't say goodbye...

Oh my dear boys and girls (2C, 2D, 1C and 1E), U'll be seeing me again..next week...and the week after that..n God's willing, a week after that....Huhu... Plus, I am just nearby... I am not going anywhere though....So, don't be sad....

I love you...I love you I do... You guys have been great to me... I have learned a lot at SMKSI..in fact, I grew up. Thanx for the courage cikgu-cikgu...especially Kak Mala, Kak Abyan, Kak Fiza, Kak Shikin, Kak Aini, Kak Wan, Kak Fadiah, Kak Juita, Kak Najwa, Kak Fizi, Kak Naz, Kak Zana, Kak Ratna, Kak Azah, Kak Irtiza, PUAN Duba, Ms Yee Fun, Sir Arud, Sir Selva, Sir Selva Manoger, cikgu Ja'is, cikgu Amly, cikgu Ibrahim, Pn Asiah, Pn Hjh Mawarni, Cikgu Hijazi, Pn Rokiah, Pn Vicky, Pn Ratna Prema, Pn Suzy, and everyone! Too many names to b included..

The words may be small, but its sentimental......I LOVE YOU guys! You are the best! Halalkan semua makan minum, jamuan etc...Halalkan semue ilmu n tips tips....

Oh yeah, we'll meet again....for sure...;p

All the best to everyone.

Great...just great...

Hey, these few days really took a toll on me...well, that's life, isn't it?
Who are we without troubles and misery?
Everyone has their own problem...including ME...

Finally, I've learned the hideous truth about US:

XXX to niza: You should never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

niza to XXX: Yeah...my bad...sorry.