Sunday, January 31, 2010

You've never felt pain until you've felt love.

I miss you...

I miss every single part of you...

I even miss the smell of your hair...

You used to bring me along to watch those silly movies...

You used to hold me in your protective arms...

You used to treat me for delightful dinners...

You used to make me laugh for hours and days...

You used to protect me from dangers and harm...

You used to fight for me and rescue me...

You used to cuddle me and make me giggle...

You used to comfort me whenever I am having breakdown...

You used to drive me around and stroll across the park...

You used to wipe my tears and my sweat...

You used to lean on me and hear me out...

You used to text me every single day...

You used to poke me like a child...

You used to say those three words; "I love you..."

Now, losing you....make me feel even worse.

I miss you.

I love you.

But I know I can't have you.

It's true after all when they say;
"You've never felt pain until you've felt love."

Thank you for the memories together.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Genap sebulan...

Tomorrow: 22 January 2010.

It will be a month already since mummy left us.
I miss her.
I miss my family.
I hope she is doing somewhat OK over 'there'.
For what is worth, she won't be suffering anymore, ameen.

To mummy,
The time we spent together,
was a great time I explored my life.
The days we pulled through together,
were the best days for me to really know you.

It is unfair
If I ask God to bring you back,
If I ask God to switch place with you,
If I ask you to come back
and take me with you.

They threw the shirt into the store room.
They do not wish to see the shimmering blood stain.
But, until there's moon,
the blood won't shine again.

To abah,
Through my eyes,
You have been so strong.
Through their eyes,
You are nowhere near wrong.

I am proud to see someone who still stands tall.
I am proud to pull you from the miserable fall.
I am proud to call you "My all"

The time will pass by,
It will stop and say "Hye!",
Just reminisce those pretty eyes,
and say "Bye, bye pretty eyes!"

To Aiman and Alyaa,
You are small,
but not little.
I'll help you crawl,
so you won't be belittled.

Together we face the world.
Though reality seems harsh.
There's no reason to depressingly swirl,
Standing tall and have pride is a must!

Just because this looks unfair,
It does not mean to retreat from joy!
Just because they will stare,
It does not mean we should play their toys!

To everyone,
Hang in there.
Because God is fair.
One day, the sunlight will fall down to the stairs!
One day, we will shout to the air...

Monday, January 18, 2010

Top 5 Worst AI audition

Can 2010 audition beat this? Wait & C...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Whataya Want From Me

Adam Lambert - Whataya Want From Me

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Dia; si pemalu....

Shy shy cat, shy shy cat...

Shoo shoo, go away...main jauh-jauh...

Today, I met someone who was utterly shy. To an extreme level, this person would not even look at me...All he did was 'staring' at the floor...while belek-belek some magazines, CDs etc...

Could it be me who's not good looking enough? Or could it really be that he's an extreme introvert?

Somehow, I did get a way to break the ice...and broke the silent mold. We struggled to make 'nice and decent' conversation though.

He's cool somehow. He taught me a bit about Chinese culture, the meaning of every crystal we found and many things regarding the Chinese New Year. Al-maklumlah, his festivity dah dekat....

He offered me many things, but I had to refuse. Mostly, it's because they were not my cup of tea. I had zero interest in those stuffs especially the stones; Wealth, Money, Health, Love, etc. - which cost almost RM450 each. Motif???!

He even brought me to a Chinese restaurant but I had to pass. "Oh, u can't eat here right?! It's non halal...Sorry". Tau pun. Motif ajak aku pegi situ??? Agak-agak la weyh...

He's a good friend, I think. Perhaps, it's too soon to read a character based on first meeting.

It's a nice day to hang out with a shy person like him. After some series of persuading me to hang out together, I finally agreed to go out with him, albeit reluctantly. So, thank you for today. ;p

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Moved..........spiritual barakah?

Time is the essence of every human's life. Time is the key to set things straight, right where it used to be. Time is the ordeal that makes you want to forget. Time kills whoever gets in between; sometimes. Time is the greatest teacher in our lives.

Along the path, people make changes. They alter their lives. I am talking about the path of life. When changes happen, it affects what surrounds them; the society. Sometimes, the decision is horrendously awful. Sometimes, it is inexplicably wonderful. Most of the times, it is just merely a standard decision.

Have you ever made stupid decisions in life? I have. Have you ever felt any regret? I have. Have you ever wished that you can turn the hands of time? Absolutely. However, what's done is done. Turning back seems to be invalid. Even if you may successfully change the past, it will one way or another affect the future. So, be it.

Actually, what I am about to write is a bit contradicting to the 'so, be it' theory. There is one thing that makes me feel dispirited; FAMILY issue. Contradicting, arguing and fighting. Who does not do that? How long has it been since you last fought with your parents? For something which is so ridiculously absurd???!

I wish I can switch and alter the past into something colorful rather than red. I despise myself for arguing too much with my dad. I hate myself for not being so attached with him. I hate myself for hating him, mostly. People keep telling me that it's 'hormonal' thing or whatever. But, I am not a 100% believer so I don't really buy that.

Do you believe in realistic idealism? It's a philosophy based on evidence. It is a philosophy about humanity. One way or another, it involves what surrounds us. According to this, the dynamics of family interaction shapes the result of a person. It shapes the attitudes of a person. So, if a person is unattached from his/her parents, he/she is most likely to end up...questioning about their lifestyles, the decisions they make and also...questions about God and faith.

Of course, I am not a total holder of such philosophy. Yet, I question a lot. I admit, I had series of painful memories during my childhood where most decisions were made by my father. But, I rebelled. I went across the fine line (between right and wrong), again drawn by him. Back then, I did not see the implication of my reactions. I might have won the battle of freedom, but I have lost to the lovable karma.

A word to attend to; "BARAKAH". What brings barakah into this life? What is best for us? Yesterday, I had a class (C.I.E) with a great persona; Puan Rohaya. She talked about barakah and happiness. It MOVED me somehow. I was crying...deep inside. I believe what she said. It's true.

Barakah of a child comes from his/her parents. According to her, happiness only derives with the presence of barakah. If a parent is unhappy with you (yourself/your decisions in life/both), it's hard for barakah to shine. You might be happy today. What about the day after? That's how it works.

I feel the pain. I feel the loneliness. I feel the unhappiness and the never-ending desire to love. I feel them. I don't see the barakah in my life. To some extent, I feel like I am unwanted in this life; that I am just another loveless boy in the world. Quite an issue, eyh. But it's true.

After the class, I promised myself not to make my father unhappy again. I wish to make him happy; for him and for me. I love him, I do. I regret myself for rebelling against him. I regret myself for winning most of the fights. I regret myself for hurting him. Above all, I regret my brainless decisions.

Barakah. Will it ever shine in me? Will it touch my heart? I hope my life will be filled with happiness and barakah one day. I hope I will be happy with whatever still left of me. I hope. I wish.

To all out there, respect your parents, love them, make them happy even though if it means to suppress your thoughts and emotion. Most of the times, they know what's best for you. They are all you've got.

Strive for your happiness fulfillment and barakah!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I'm bored...

I am bored.
I am bored with them.
I am bored with the plans.
I am bored with everything.
I am bored of being so bored.
I am bored with the games we play.

On top of it all, I am tired of this endless boredom.