Sunday, December 28, 2008

I'm Home! Petty me!

U kno wat they say; "Home sweet home!"...indeed, it is. It is so nice to be here again. Oh well, nice is nice. Such ambiguous word, kills me in no time.

I finished 'sketching' my timetable for next round. Tuesday is the new day for 'freedom'! I must admit that the 'sketch' is absurdly hideous! Yucks...

I guess my aim for this new 'round' would be...TO IMPROVE! I am so shockingly impressed by this person...Ops...can't tell you who is him and why Mr Bloggy! He is so like...WOW! That's the only word to depict him. Tho, he is not in the stream, but....WOW!!!

I have to read, read and read more! I guess that's when 'double the effort' comes in. Darn! I was terribly defeated by him. Snap, I am such a petty!!!! Fuuuuuuuckkkkkk!!!!


Saturday, December 20, 2008

My Activities For Next Week!

21/12 - Go to PPD, got appointment with Tuan Haji Hanid, PPD Caunselor, go to the laundry.

22/12 - Go to Kedai Komputer East Coast, amik barang, Pegi kutip duit sewa from En Syed Hashim.

23/12 - Go to the clinic, pick up sum drugs b4 goin back to Shah Alam, Pharmacy as well..

24/12 - Go to Mydin, Watson n wherever to buy sum stuffs.., cari available and worth resort to visit for my next vacation...(browse je)

25/12 - No activity. Duk kt umah je kot...or maybe g Pasar Minggu.

26/12 - Fetch Harith at bus station, go to UiTM Dungun, send his stuffs back...lepak kat pantai.

27/12 - g pantai (Got a small bday party with sum frens and family members-noon! damn it!), Ride the bus to Shah Alam (11pm)

That's all so far.

Kejoraku Bersatu

Gosht...I went to a karaoke house dis evening. It was so much fun. It was my abang's idea at first. I asked if I could bring sum frens. Of course. So, we drove separately.

Seriously, I never thot of experiencing such nice n pleasant Karaoke House. It belongs to a Chinese guy. There are plenty rooms...not cubes. The audio n video system is marvelous! I was like..WOW!

It's kinda cold inside. We were greeted with smile n warmth tho. I think, it's best for me to label the Karaoke House as one of the best I've been to. There was this Karaoke Centre in Kuantan which is still the best so far.

Unlike the one I've been in Shah Alam, the songs collection are wider! There are even songs which I bet we've never heard before! The systems are up-to-the date (the date that I'm writing). The price is OK. RM1 for 1 song. They provide free Coca-cola too! I bet they are rich peeps!

What I meant by 2nd b4 worst is my singing. Ahaa. I sang terribly (of course) But, I did my best. We paid for 28 songs. Oh I asked my friend, Bad to join.

Because of the collection, I could not make up my mind. So, I chose to sing some Carpenter's songs, Michael Bolton's, Al Green...n some oldies.

The best part is my brothers n Bad x ngaku kawan...sedey woo....they said, "X penah pulak aku dengar lagu2 ni!" Ayya...seemed like I was the only one who knows the EXISTENCE of those songs.

Oh well...I had so much fun...I've let go EVERYTHING! sakit cucu-cicit tekak aku ni!!! The worst part was when they start singing 'lagu tarik-tarik'...I laughed and laughed. ps-Haikal, suare awak x sedap langsung..pesanan ikhlas dari abangmu!...I must admit, my abang's voice is quite nice. No wonder he is the lead in his band. Tu yang slalu memekak jamming kat bilik blakang umah aku tu!!!

For the nyanyi ramai-ramai...we sang some of the songs WE know and familiar with. X bole belah, aku nyanyi salah key and tune lagu KEJORAKU BERSATU... I think dat's d title....buruk tahap tanah liat dowh!

After that, we hit the Coffee House near the beach. I had Mee Goreng Basah yang sangat basah. Overall, I had fun! Serious fun!

Firhan punye pasal, x pe la...

The last person to tag you is?

Khairul Firhan B Yusob. b4 him- Nobody

What relationship do you have with him/her?

A good friend of mine.

Your 5 impressions towards him/her?

1. Committed (Even tho he prioritizes his sleep)..ops
2. Kind
3. Kaki gosip jugak...
4. Too tall
5. I like to think that he's good...coz he really is. Really good friend.

The most memorable thing he/she had done for you?

Err...better keep it discreet...;p

If he/she becomes your lover, you will...

Err...I probably consider myself dead...jgn marah ye..

If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...

Forgive n forget, I think..

If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on...

What d fuck is this???
If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is...
How on earth should I kno???

How do you think the people around you will feel about you?

I think they r annoyed by me...but I think they're nice bunch of peeps..

The character for yourself is?

Shy...;p..ahax..jgn marah..;p

The most ideal person you want to be is?

Rasulullah s.a.w..WOW..dat's wat I kno I can't b..err...just myself I guess.

For the person who cares and likes you, say something about them.

Thanx...but you are too YOUNG for me babe.

Ten people to tag.

I don't think I am in d mood to tag people rite now.

Who is no.2 having a relationship with?

Not in the list babe.

Is no.3 a male or female?

Not in the list.

If no.7 and no.10 were to be together, would it be a good thing?

Not in the list.

How about no.5 and no.8?

Not in the list as well!

What is no.1 studying?

Oh, I lost the list!

When was the last time you had a chat with them?

Do I need to answer this?

Is no.4 single?


Say something about no.2.

Invisible. Period.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Cheerie Night

Last night was a dazzling night to remember for me. Lights were everywhere. The crowd. They were so crazy. I guess, that's what they call a 'wild night'. Thank you Afi, Chong, Joe and Bad for showing me the night life. I never thought Dungun can be so alive at the middle of the night?! Damn.

The idea was simple. We were thinking of celebrating and anjoying ourselves after the painful semester's result. Oh, I misspelled 'anjoy' on purpose actually.'s my friend, Bad who pronounced it that way...he's weird.

It was crazy. People singing and dancing on the stage. Whatever those songs were. I was caught for migraine for a minute or two back then. Huhu... And I sweat a lot too. I was so shy last night. That's why I could not say a word to...ehem ehem.....kekeke...

I guess Chong Wei Seng is not a bad boy afterall. He's underage tho... He is 16yo and going to be 17 soon. Good luck for ur SPM next year dude! He was an introvert like me...his face really reminds me of someone...oh yeah, Ikram...he looks exactly like Ikram, my TESL friend. He is 176cm tall btw. What a short and petite boy I am.

All in all, I had fun last night. I think I deserve those afterall these few weeks. I got home in such a mess. It was already 6.01 in the morning. I was there since 1.45am. The place was a wreck. I did feel shaky and kinda 'boat-sinking' feeling...oh boy. I miss my childhood.

We were running on the road, near the beach. It was dark. We headed to the playground near the beach. We've tried everything. The funniest part was when Bad sat on the buaian and bende tu runtuh! OMG...dat was hilarrious..pssst, Bad, we know it's not ur fault...ahahahahahaha..dat was a great laugh for a year!!!

I wish to meet them again..soon perhaps..I don't know.... If only I can cure this shyness in me!! Damn...

p/s-Shy la sgt......

p/s-Thanx Abang Keputusan!!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Bilakah Abang Result mahu menonjolkan diri??

Adoi..penatnye...bosannye...tensyennye...bilakah keputusan peperiksaan semester lepas akan keluar? Aku masih menanti...adoi....

Bila aku nk tanam Combi ni....hmmm..I think it's dead already...anyway, it's nice to talk to my favourite ustazah last night...huhu...

Lastly, thanx tajul n naz for helping me out last night....u guys r such great frenz...

Ayya...bilakah keputusan peperiksaan semester lepas akan dikeluarken? apakah itu mesyuarat senat? UiTM di hatiku....

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Just a memory...

Last two weeks, ade hamba Allah left 3 little kittens in front of my gate. I was assuming that..d person might know our family or at least my bro...Y? Our family have lotsa bro's cats... Oh I dunno.. Unfortunately, my brothers were away in KK...spending their holiday with the rest of my family there.. I was here. So, I picked up the box..and..I was so sorry for those little creatures....

They are twins. Yellow in color. And they are motherless. Pity them. I took the honor of taking care of them. I even put them to my female feline. I was thinking of "ibu tumpang"..and she did a good job tho... Thanx whatever her name is.

It was OK for couple of days. Then... The small kitties started to show a degrading in their health. I was worried. I phoned my bro..He told me to bring them to the vets. That's what I did. The vet gave me and vitamins I think. That costs me a good money. I explained to him that those kitties only know how to eat but not how to drink. The vet clearly told me that they need their mother to teach them those stuffs. Hmm...what a sigh.

The next day, quite ok I think. They played with the rest of the 'gigantic' dominants in the house. I mean, the bigger cats. Ahax. I bathed them last week. Cleaned them with Purina Shampoo for cats (Friskies). So, the next bath will be on next two weeks (supposedly). Boy, it was hard to get them cleaned. Together with my other cats. Pheew... Oh, they smelled very pleasant tho.. I felt like licking them...yummy ;p

On the 15 of December, two of those kitties slowly responded to the meals I provided. I gave them basically the same thing as others (Whiskas, yang cair tu..not the crunchy tuna)..I was expecting the one with a shorter tail would die first... Come to my surprise, the next day...TWO of them died, hugging each other in their box house. I am so sorry for them....

I wish I could take a better care of them... I really am sorry for you guys. I burried them that evening. I did tell my friend about it, just to share my grief...Oh well... Today, I am already missing them. I even named them..Minah, Bibah and Combi.... Now. only Combi left for me. I will take a good care of him or her...whatever the exact gender is...

I am so sorry for those who died...Maybe it was my fault, I dunno... I wonder why they died... It's weird. Or maybe the climate was not for them...I mean my house. It is just another memory for me. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. Hmm...I wonder why the result has not come out yet..Maybe tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

His name is John Wright

Lalalala...a new day has come...I must say, up to this moment...I am still alive..ohoho..d past few days..pheeww..what can I say...hectic...turned me upside down..yeah...chaos...It's a long make it short...., here it is..

..I was driving from BSN around Kuala Terengganu at noon (24 Nov 08)..I was not wearing my seatbelt...How unfortunate, a police in white told me to pullover. I was like..buat x tau n kept on shocked I was when the policeman, naik moto dy n kejar aku..pergh..bederau darah..this time, I really stop...n bla bla bla...dorang escort aku ke balai, n kene lecture...saman je's RM300 max will b charged when u dun use d safety belt...that was not just d issue..dorang marah la..y I did'nt stop awal2 tu..aku cakap la...I did not notice, sorry. Pastu, dy bg warning, I can go to d court this 28 December or pay d ticket b4 12 Dec...that was then. I was finally saved by my uncle...n I was released without any ticket or record!!! I swear to God, I won't do that again..insaf sebentar. Thanx Uncle.

The next day..I was at "Ulek Beach Resort"..saje gatal nk tgk package percutian watsoever..since I've decided not to go back to KK kan...'tak jadi'. Pastu, there's one group of tourists..mostly from Europe...there was this one couple (late 50's). They are from France. I can't remember their names. and, guess what..I made friends with them. It was weird and awkward at first. But, ade sorang Malay Girl, Kak Fatimah. She's the guide. She's cool and she's nice. They have asked me if I could join..n I said yes (I got nothing better to do at home. Nobody's home)...

It was fun...n tiring of course. The food was great! Jeng3..then I met this guy. His name is John. John Wright. He is 25. He's from New York or something. But he is staying in KL at the moment. and...he's..err...not str8. Ahax... We talked and talked. He said, I was nice and bla bla bla..I was extremely shy at first. Coz my English was kinda suck n I can't speak French at all..the only word that came out from me was "Merci"..ahahaha.. John said, I was doin just fine. Kak Fatty pn ckp mcm tu... I dunno..

The only thing I know is..I had fun... They will be around till next Wednesday. and I am goin to butt in as well... Jet Skis...snorkeling (so not)...tgk Pusat Penetasan Penyu..Monsoon Cup...what else..oh ya, some art thingy.. I hope it's gona be fun. John is single! Ahahahaha...well, it has nothin to do wit me. I'll snap some pictures later on...huhu.

Oh yeah, John's phone number is: 01763756xx....he gave me his number..ahax..omg, I am such a slut. Oh well.. I just wana make frens..that's all.

Till we meet again Mr Bloggy. I love you..

p/s-Congratz to Ekhwan my buddy for his convo.. Org text bkn nk reply...


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Pagi Yang Boring

Adoi...awal pulak aku bangun ari ni...huhu..n I'm bored. What should I do today? I don't no. I have no particular plans. My friends seem to be missing these few days. Hmm...(thinking) Oh well...are they partyin' without havin' me? Uwaaaa....

What's for breakfast anyway? I dunno..I am just too lazy to go downstairs...(yet I'm sittin' in front of my PC in my room)...Debish...Pegi la mandi!!!! Tajul pun dah mandi...nak pegi lowyat dgn aimi katenye...uwaaa...

What should I do today? What sould I do? Anyway, last night, I have watched "The Green Mile" is a great movie indeed! Thanx Hafriz for that brilliant suggestion. (Hafriz yg suggested suruh tgk cite ni). I love the storyline. It's about God's Miracle..n parts in the story are mostly about the ugliness inside us.

What else? I lost my words already....c ya round then Mr Bloggy.

Have a nice day.

Ok, I am bored...

Dat's it..I am go or not to read or not to watch or not to play or not to play...haiyya.....what an awful holiday..huhu...;p

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Part Time Lover?

Thank you for loving me. The trust is now officially off of my shoulder. Thank you. Hmm..I really don't get it tho. What's the point of you saying you're "single and available" when you are already attached to someone else? What are you trying to prove?? (Thinking)

Are you just a part time lover like the one in Stevie Wonder's "Part Time Lovers"? Just be yourself, will you?! With all due respect, HELP YOURSELF OUT "BABE"! THE DEAL IS OFF! I just hope we can be just friends from now on...

Oh, I really have to double my joy after this. I think I am getting too old for this sick, love game. Love is just a crying game. Love is just a losing game. It's rhetoric. Though it's tough, I must learn to face Mr. Reality! Oh well..

That part was really a slowdown for me. But, I wont rest till I find the answers. (Sigh) I must say that we are facing an acute shortage of honest+sincere lovers!!! All we have is just PART TIME LOVERS! (Talk about avoiding conflict huh?!)

Am I going to a journey of faith this break? Seriously, what's up with the drama, the truth, love and relationship??? Dipshit! I just hope I can handle whatever there is in front of me. grandpa was admitted to the hospital yesterday due to his heart attack. He forgot HOW to take his GTN! Please God, I am not ready yet....

I wonder, when will my star shine... But it's ok. I get it. Tomorrow will be a new day, with a new hope. Today is just another day. For days to come, I hope I can survive the pain. I don't blame you for what is happening to me. I've chosen this path, there's no turning back. I get it.

Oooh..I really need something good enough to revive! I have to handle the pressure and control my emotion! CAUTIOUS APPROACH:

1. Avoid seeing those bloodsuckers!
2. Don't go out and try to hit on someone's partners!
3. Learn and practice a lot! (They say, practice makes perfect)
4. Don't "Wow" someone else anymore, "Wow" yourself!
5. ...don't know...

That's all Mr. Bloggy. I am alone as you can see dear. When can I kiss you again? So long..;p

p/s - "I'm not gay, I'm just human" - Jimmy Kimmel punye line in Jimmy Kimmel Live.. (he was talking about his crush on Brad Pitt since early 90's...ahax...

Monday, November 17, 2008

Kolej Tenggol yang HOT!! sss...

Waduh, waduh..I miss my college days (tetibe je).. I was at Kolej Tenggol this evening and it's nice. I love the scenery. Seriously. Oh, I miss my Malacca days.

I couldn't drive in at first. There's a sign in front the post guard's gate ("Kereta Pelajar: Sila Masuk Di Pos B") on earth should I know where the heck is "Pos B"?! So, I had to wait for Harith to move his butt out for...almost 45 minutes!

I've forgotten the route in UiTM Dungun already. Boleh sesat kalu aku masuk sorang2... It was raining. Lotsa students berlari-lari anak kambing from pantai, headed towards the shelter (Pondok depan gate UiTM) Sume ber'kapel'..hisy, aku sorang je xde lover...sedey.....

When Harith got in d car, I drove to the 'Pos B' gate, (which happened to be GATE BELAKANG!) Sambil mamandu, sambil menikmati keindahan alam..,in my case, sambil mencuci mate...ahahahaha.... I had fun. Driving inside the campus. Best bangat dong.

Then, sampai la aku di Kolej Tenggol. Dengan selambe anak badak aje aku park kat tempat RS Kolej Tenggol. He's an Ustaz...pheew..mujur x sempat jumper... Kete Unser beliau memblok jalan hadapan, so aku kene reverse which I did! and guess what, I hit the divider (Huh, talk about pandai budget...dah la x tengok side mirror belah Harith..syok je bawak kete...) Ahahahahha..Maka aku pun parking lah kete d tempat yang sesuai.

Ketika mane aku memasuki Kolej itu...pemandangannye bertukar menjadi BIRU!!! Biru mata hitamku...ahahha.. Harith's room is on d 2nd level..still d view was BLUE...y? OMG, there's so many hotties!!! Adoi... Ape yg aku buat ini???? Apa yang kukatakan ini????

In his room, there's a guy sleeping. When he woke up...WOW, he's so f*****g CUTE! I seriously don't know what I'm saying! Pssss...the truth is, he's a 'friend'...rupe2nye, PLU jugak...he was nice...we sembang-sembang..ngumpat-ngumpat, gelak-gelak..lalalala..aktiviti rutin di situ. Sambil Harith pack his stuffs (yang amat bertimbun), aku 'bermesra' dgn teman sebiliknye..(jgn pikir bukan2 ok, we were just talking!!!)

Pastu, da abis sumbat barang dalam but kete (PENUH!), we headed to the beach. The rain has stopped already. Makan-makan sikit, minum-minum sikit...n bla bla bla....Adoi, penat betul ari ni... Esok Harith ade paper...when I asked him course ape dy amik, dy jawab "CS"...aku tanye la ape tu "CS", hampeh, dy jawab "Counter Strike"...Haha..actually, it's "Computer Science"..whatever la..Good luck Harith.

Itu sahaja la aktiviti aku di kala petang tadi.... Aku amatlah boring sebenarnye...Huhu...c ya round...

p/s-Sedeynye hidup keseorangan ini...uhuk uhuk...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I'm Home!!!

Yes, I'm home..safely...Alhamdulillah. The best part was, I made a conversation with the pak cik bus driver. He was so nice!!!! He was more like a father...I even told him my problem. We talked and talked and talked (except he was driving and I distracted him, mostly) Gosht... and I did not even sleep all the way to Terengganu!!!

Along the way, I saw some eerie (xde la sampai eerie) accidents. There was this car, a Honda Civic 1.6 if I'm not mistaken. It was on the divider. Jahanam kete tu weh. Isy... Then, ade jugak kete Kancil kene langgar from behind...isy, was raining mase tu...Jalan licin maybe. Ade jugak sorang akak Bangla, agent nak anta dy p Kemaman Terengganu keje kot. Name Bangla dy Bakhu. Cantik sangat dy pnye traditional outfit. Unfortunately, she did not understand what I was saying. I even offered her roti, but she was like....x paham...but she was nice too. Oh well...

I am so happy...jumpe and salam dgn my atuk, Tok Bob..He is doing quite well I think. I dunno, perhaps, it's too soon to tell. I love him so much.. Lucky that he still remembers me! Alhamdulillah. I wanna spend my days with him. Maybe I wont be going to KK afterall. Eh x boleh, nanti nk main dgn my babies cmne...huhuhu...

Alaa...petang ni kene jumpe my 'fren' kat UiTM Dungun. Name dy Harith. Dy nak tumpang letak barang kt umah. Dorang kene kosongkan hostel. Huhuhu..maybe I'll go around 5pm. The weather now sucks. It rains a bit and it stops raining. Then it rains again. Ayya.

That's all for now, I oughta take my shower now...nda mandi lagi ini..huhu...;p

Happy Holiday peeps!!!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Take A Break! To all my friends, Have a Nice Holiday!

I need a break! I am going back tonight. Dunno if that's a good thing or not. Oh well, I am goin to miss my homies soooooo much! I love them. I love Tajul, Nazri, Duang, Pie and Hafriz! They are so nice n such good friends!!! Not to forget to all my favorite friends: Aimi, EKHWAN, Syud, Tatie, Nad, Ella, Firhan, Zizi, Kak Aisyah, Wan Nurul Firdaus, Liyana, and everybody la!!! Thank you for being my friends. I love you guys!!!!

I really need a break, after all of the mess (throughout d past semester) Pheeew...finally, it's over. I am not ready for next semester btw. Ayya. I wish I can make it through the rain.

Oh yeah. Before I leave, there's one thing I want to stress, especially to 'you'. I appreciate that you've been nice to me. I am so sorry for what had happened between us. Just one thing, don't say you miss me when you just want to have fun with me! I'll pass on that. Don't do this to someone else. I miss you so much too and I love you. I am sorry. Just be happy for me, whenever and whoever you are with. I love you.

My abah and I? I don't know. I hope the cold war will end soon. I just want the best for both of us! Please don't be mad anymore. I think I should work harder to be a good son. Hmmm...all this while, I have been working so hard to get good CGPA...just to impress you. I guess, it means nothing to you. Oh well, its ok. I don't mind. Just be happy too.

What will I do for the rest of my holiday? Work? Naah... So not. Maybe I'll just travel then. Cuti-cuti Malaysia maybe. Then, I have to worry on my final result. Oh damn! I hope I'll pass!

Last words, I might not be online for quite a while. Thus, sorry in advance if I don't reply any of your messages. I just need a break! A break! Get away from this lunatic life for a while and enjoy myself to the utmost level! Yeah, that's what I will do! Exactly.

Happy Holiday peeps!!!! Enjoy!


Friday, November 14, 2008

YeaY! I'm FRee!!!!

YeaY!!! Yippie!!! Finally, it's over!!! No more tense and burnouts...(for a while). Fheww...exam weeks are tiring... I am glad that it's finally over... Congratulation guys for successfully made it through!!

Yeah..what else...Oh, the holiday? Where will I be? I'll be in Terengganu from 17 till 25 November. I will then be in KK from 26 till..I don't know yet. I wanna work..but...

I hope this coming holiday will bring me some happiness...I wanna see happiness around me. Oh well, I wish it can be true.

Perhaps, I'll just walk around and see what it has to offer from the other side. Or, maybe I'll just drive around and jalan-jalan... I love to enjoy the beaches...I should go traveling then! Yeah baby!

Since I might have no frens when I am in KK, what should I do??? I don't know...I don't like staying at home all day long...errr....I guess, I'll be damned bored this holiday..jeng jeng jeng...

I guess, that's all for today..I am tired..nak qodo' tido la..penat study sociolinguistics...huhu..happy holiday everyone!!!!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Ako Ngayoy Masaya!!!

Well...I'm just happy..that's it... I'm happy for everyone, for everything and...for whatever la... I think, its worth to live and lead this life happily.

I wanna live not...ahahaha...well, I'm happy to avoid any conflict now..I'm happy to be happy soon!!! I am happy for you too!!!

Hmm...what else..I am happy to sit for TSL546, I think...err...dat rather sounds unwise...errr...bite my nail then...

Oddest of all, I'm happy to see "the dying CATS"...fighting over a piece of fried fish...there's a tumor in the humor...but, who cares? We live to save ourselves right???

Orait then...since I am happy, lets get naked and dance!!!!! and please be happy peeps! Ako ngayoy masaya!!!


Monday, November 10, 2008

Happy Birthday Aiman!!!!

Hmmm...dah beso da kamu ek..huhu...sowie, I could not come to the party last night...huhu..I was afar from you my dear...oh well...Selamat Hari Jadi jugak for you my dear!!!

Ahmad Aiman dear, be happy as you grow up and be a good boy ok! Hmm....I'm going to be there soon, to play with you again..huhu...don't worry...I'll take you to the beach and we are goin to have lotsa fun togetha...huhuhu..

I still have one last paper to go on with...yet, I am deeply missing my family...hayya....I wanna go home!!! I wanna go home!!! Uwaaaa.....

Lastly, Happy Birthday my baby boy Aiman!!!!!

.........................from, ur bro...


I could not believe that this is going to be the end to my relationship. Sucks isn't it? Yeah...after three fuckin semesters we've made it through, not it has come to end...damn!!!

It was unbelievable yet expected from the beginning...shooooooooooott... I stayed up for her...gone thru was hard for me!!!!

Hmmmm..MABI...the combination of Ma and Bi...the mixture of Ma and Bi put together in a bowl...then it becomes...MABI...Mabi??? Yeah...macam babi...ops..sorry for the language...

Susahnye Arabic tadi...well, that was the end of my relationship..bye bye BAB501 (that's wat they call you) thing..just one thing... Y? Y? Y?..Why did u have to be so tough???? Hmmmm....

I had to leave early to be me....well, congratulation to those who could answer you well BAB501....

So long...

(out of boredom). Period.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Uwaaaa....malasnye nak study!!!!

Well, that's it.....that's just it...

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Ning FIRHAN Baizura!!! Ekhwan, watch OUT!

Gosht...I had so much fun today!!!! Yippie... Oh..what a beautifool day..hehe.. Seriously, it was fun!!! Thanx Wan, Thanx Firhan!!! Love you guys so much...

Today, we headed to the faculty at first... Hantar buku library which Wan borrowed solely for Research Methodology... (bajet ala-ala gempak gitu) Betimbun weh..rajin sangat si Wan Nurul Firdaus ni...

Pastu I knocked Puan Hamidah's room.. She was there. We were thinking of asking her for the on-goin marks....Unfortunately, it was not ON yet. Oh well, just wait...

Hujan lebat tadi weh...lightning and thunder...those best friends were in fury. Gosht... Adakah sebab aku practice menanyi sebelum itu? I dunno...tak kot...

Then, we headed straight to the Karaoke Cube kat 18 (aku hentam je name dy..x tau pn)...x banyak pun...20 lagu je + 2 lagu 20+2=22 la kan..Nyanyi nanyi nyanyi...sampai nk pecah anak tekak yang turut menari pada waktu yg sama..

Oh ye..time kami nyanyi lagu Sejarah Mungkin Berulang (ala..yang ade Tomok tu, Tomok..), suare aku..Ya Rabbi..burok cam katak suare tersumbat kat bontot!! Ayya..maybe sebab aku penat kot, vocal tak berape nak menyerlah tadi..Tu la, practice x cukup, diva camne pun, kantoi jugak...Sengau cam ketuk tong sampah...debish!!!

Suare aku ala-ala Celine Dion je..Firhan bersuare ratu macam Ning Baizura weh! Serious x tipu!! Wan Nurul pulak suare meletup macam Ziana Zain! Wah, hebat+mantap sangat gandingan kami tadi...especially lagu Cinta Di Akhir Garisan..

Pada saat itu, Firhan telah meng-expose kan suare lunak dy yg ala-ala Ning Baizura.. wah..kami hampir menangis terharu akan lagu dendangan mantap Firhan itu..ches...betul ke ape aku tulis ni... sangat ari ni..then, g makan kt food court tu...pastu..g Giant beli barang sikit..Tajul pesan beli ubat nyamuk...Wan pegi beli sayur-mayur...mak die akan membuat mi kari khabarnye.. Aku pula telah membeli..Ayamas Burger Ayam ke hape ntah..saje je..

Pastu balik...penat..diva-diva sume nak rehat..our vocals dah serak-serak kambing sangat tadi!..Rugi Hafriz x dapat join..thanx Hafriz for informing me td...Best best best bangat dong..Sukses!!!

To ekhwan my buddy, watch out, the new diva has came to town...introducing: Ning Firhan Baizura!!!! Dy da nak rampas takhta kau ekwan... habisla kau...

Lastly, thanx Wan, Thanx Firhan..I had a great day tadi!!! Love you guys so much!!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

HSM 3..(I hafto agree wif Hafriz!!!)

Oh my goodness...I once thought that it is going to be as lame as HSM2...just before it was premiered in the cinema... Dang me! I was completely wrong. Darn. (period)

Oh ya, HSM 3 is way too cool and to sum it all up, it is the BEST HSM so far! Kudos for them...! Yay..The senior year, wow...fantastic! Well, what more can I say when I could only shut my mouth for silence in the cinema!? (I was thinking of giving a standing ovation during the show,'ll be awkward...)
I would say...errm...Zac Efron has improved a lot, be it vocally or showmanship throughout the show. And..he's hot too...ahahahaha... To bad that he's got 'Gabriella' already. She is somehow stiff I think...I dunno, there's something wrong with her... She did not fully expressed herself. That's what I like to think. Sue me then.
Well, Hafriz, you were right. Thanx buddy for your review. I finally got to watch it (with Aimi and Tajul) this evening. It's great.

Yesssss...the songs are great! They are FRESH! The dances are great!!! All the upbeats...with the lightings and the sets (setting) used...they are all great! Kudos to Kenny Ortega for his great direction and guide! Bravo! I simply love it!
It is a great movie for all ages, especially the youngsters! Seriously guys, the songs and the dance moves will keep you glued to the screen! Yes...I'm impressed with the improvement! To me, it is still a great musical movie no matter what will people label it...

That's all those who have not seen this movie, you should! (period) and to those who's not in favor with musical movie, perhaps you would like to give it a shot peeps..cum on. ENJOY THE SEEN AS WE DID! Huhu..I had so much fun and it really cured my boredom..

Sunday, November 2, 2008

I love to sing! Guling-guling!

tagged by TAJUL IQBAL

State 15 weird things/ habits/ little known facts about yourself.* The 5 people I tag are then to follow my footsteps and write their own 15 weird things/habits and little known facts.

1. I am friendly. (that's what I like to think)

2. I love my hands. (that's sounds rather awkward)

3. I love to sing coz I think my voice dah setaraf Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli. (terimalah kenyataan maut ini)

4. I used to have a diary where I wrote my dissatisfaction towards my life (mostly my abah. Oh, that was then..)

5. I spend most of my free time at the beach and guling-guling mcm org gile (back in Ganu, uwaa SHah ALam xde pantai!)

6. Saye agak takut akan kehadiran dan gandingan mantap Pak Lip & Mak Pas!

7. I used to kiss my junior back when I was in my secondary years. (Opsie..sowie..)

8. I can cry, listening to "Vanishing-MC"

9. Jeles bangat sama rambut Tjul!

10. I like boobies...(eh, ape aku tulis ni???)

11. I sometimes talk to myself...sort of...(sbab xde org layan..hoho)

12. I love to KISS & HUG.........( comment)

13. There should be a tumor in my humor. (...I carry a huge load of PVC in my bag)

14. Saye sudah pandai goreng ikan..(damn its scrumptious!)

15. Actually, malas nak tulis sampai 15...banyok bebeno when I only have little interesting facts bout me...(oh ya, I am a moody person at times!)

The end...

Now, who to tag?? ermm..

1. Syud

Saturday, November 1, 2008

You Are Not Ugly!!! They are!!!

What a terrible notion to address someone...oh goody, I never thought that they can be judges..if only I were there with you at that moment.., you could have my shoulder to cry on...I'm sorry my friend...I could feel your sadness....

To "them", one day, the wheel will roll back down.. If they are on top today, sooner or later, they'll be at the lowest level where people can easily lay their feet down. You will be on top dear! Cry no more will you....I promise, tomorrow will be a sunny day for both of us...

F**K them for calling you with such repulsive name! (Bangang punye orang!!!!). To my dear friend, I am so sorry that I could not be much of a help when you were at the lowest point in your life...

Remember, one day, they'll feel the way you are feeling now! God is fair! I believe in that! No matter what, you will always be my pretty lil have me my fren..
dah dah, jangan nangis lagi...... I tak suke tengok u nangis...

You are not ugly!!! They are!!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

I Feel FREE!!!

Yeah...finally....the research proposal....pheeeww.....alhamdulillah...sume da siap hantar...budak2 umah skali....congrats tu sume!!!! pergh....susah+penat+tensyen...macam macam ada...

Gile babS sampai tak study literature.... in the end? Tak dapat jawab....uwaaaaaaa......sedihnye...Tapi, nak buat mcm mane....sape suh buat last minute....
I feel so free....nak terjun blok je!

I miss someone too...but I guess....takpe la...I am not in the position to miss si dia anymore...ahahaha.... i seem to distant myself so much lately from diyer..ahahaha... sedih but I think, that's the best... diyer pn seem to be having someone now...i am happy untuk diyer...

Lalala...I feel so free but I can't seem to be smiling... I don't know why..nak sambung tengok Condor Hero la plak...ape la da jadi kat Yang Guo and Cik Long tu....

So, I's over right??? You don't have to keep me happy with 'him' ok... You guys look so sweet together...

Oh ya, di kesempatan ini, I'd love to say sorry kat sume yg pernah saye buat silap...please forgive me ok... and to 'you', thank you for everything ye! You are the best!

TQ ;)

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I don't Wanna Fight No More...

Suddenly I feel like listening to this song. It reminds me of my good old days at school, listening and enjoying my Westlife songs...darn...I miss it...

Somehow, that song means a lot to me lah... Conflict is everywhere! Here and there...everywhere! I am tired already if you know what I mean. I want to feel brand new!

Oh ya..I almost forgot what were we fighting for... huhu. Is it the time to end this war my friend? I hope so. Lets end it. Urgent!

I know that we can make it right dear and it's going to take a little time my friend. Come on dear. Let's not leave ourselves with no way out. Let us not cross the line! Please.

Living without you will tear me apart. You knew that already right babe?! Any last words?? I don't know..why don't you start...coz I want to listen it from you...

All I'm saying is....I just don't wanna have a fight with you anymore. This is the best for us!

Happy Deepavali to everyone! Maaf zahir batin...

Saturday, October 25, 2008


Vertical Horizon - Echo

Echo, echo...
We come, we go-woah
No I don't want to be just another
Echo, echo...

Everywhere I go
There's something I really need
Everyone I know
Is someone I want to be
Even though
I don't really know me

I better pick it up
Before I let it slip away
I better stick it out
Before I take another day
Into mouth
Everything I say fades out

Echo, echo...
We come, we go-woah
No I don't want to be just another
Echo, echo...

Can I open up your eyes?
Only when the clouds break?
Can I feel the light?
Even though the world shakes
Every night,
You're my quiet satellite

Can I hold you close?
Do her out of focus
And everything I know
I don't even know this
It all falls through
I'm here and I hear you

Echo, echo...
We come, we go-woah
No I don't want to be just another
Echo, echo...

Do you hear me?
Do you hear me?
Cause I need to, just to reach you
Do you hear me?
Coming clearly?
Am I hollow?
Just an echo

Echo, echo...
We come, we go-woah
No I don't want to be just another
Echo, echo...
Echo, echo...
We come, we go-woah
No I don't want to be just another
Echo, echo...

Friday, October 24, 2008

Terima Kasih

Hoho...thank you for everything. "Saye tak pernah buang awak!"....Since when that I have someone else? Why don't you tell me dear... Thank you.

I hope you can see why I am doing this to you...I am giving you time and space to leave me. When I politely asked you, you said no.... There are things which best kept as secret.

I am just a nobody. With the tiniest voice ever. You know how I run it right. Just what did you mean by what you've said last night?

I am sorry for not replying your texts. In fact, I am sorry for everything. "Saye x pernah buang awak ok!"


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Journal #6

- Find a photo of a character about whom you wish to write: Someone other than yourself.
- Describe the content of the photo (up to 80 words) - in the notebook.
- Describe of that which sits outside the photo: who was taking it, what was just out of shot, who was present, the location, the time and other such details - some can be imagined (notebook)

Can I Have Some of the Happiness Drink Please??

She was born on Thursday, 24 July 2008, 4.01pm. Her cute little face calms the restless soul. The boy besides her is Ahmad Aiman Fitri Bin Abdullah. He is also an angel in the family. Now, the truth, she is the new angel in the family. She is everything now. She is the one whom everyone longs for so long. Finally, she's here in the family. Her name? It reads "Alyaa" from her soft blanket. Alyaa Jasmine Binti Abdullah. Yes, that's her. The way she looks at Aiman in the picture makes me wonder. "Abang Aiman, Adik nak susu jugak..." Maybe..maybe not. What was she thinking? I have no idea. One thing I know is, Aiman loves to pose in front of the camera, so he would say "Wah, I look kind and caring to Adik!" Those two are my angels, forever and ever.

The picture was taken a day before 2008's Eid. I took that photo with my camera phone out of boredom. There was nobody there except me. So I was out of the picture, obviously! My Mummy was in her room, performing her Asar prayer I think. My dad was on his way for the holiday from Kota Kinabalu. So, they were out of shot as well. It was taken at my grandfather's house, at the children's living hall. As I recall, the day was sunny. Oh no, it was steamy back there. The reason why I took that picture is: I love both of them; Aiman and Alyaa. Here, I want to focus on Alyaa. She is a miracle in my family. Our family has been longing to have a baby girl since...I can't remember when. Finally, Alhamdulillah. She is way too healthy for me. She was born with almost 5kg in weigh! My goodness. I am happy that she comes in the family. I can clearly see how my father is happy. Alyaa is the picture of happiness for us!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Severe Happiness

Such smile on my face..
It's fake!

Such laugh with my words..
It hurts!

Such joy I bring..
It's tiring!

Such love I spray..
It's not my pray!

Such fight for hours..
Sorry, I did not bring you flowers!

Such struggle with your fight..

It's my darkness in your light!

Such cry at nights..
It slashes my pride!

Such pain and uneasiness..
are my severe happiness.

Monday, October 20, 2008


Hmmm...the word clearly speaks the meaning...both mentally and physically.
What a tragedy..trembling like a goat, trying to escape from the sacrifice. Last night was my past..I can see is coming matter how much I tried to hide it and not speak about it, it hits me back....

It really hurts!!! My everything...they hurt! Words cannot explain how much it hurt... all the shaking, the shivering, the trembling.. It haunts me again!!! IT IS HAUNTING ME AGAIN! Those bad memories.....

Stop...stop!'s cannot see the pain...all you can do is blame.... I'm scared to death.. I feel like hiding in the giant closet and wait till you leave. Sakit.....sakit.....sangat sakit.... I always imagined day, when you push me and hit me, I accidentally hit the glass windows. What will happen then?.. I was awfully scared. It hurts...

I am sorry for not telling you..but there are things better kept secret. I bet you knew that already. I cannot face this again. What a nightmare for me. Sakit..which part of sakit don't you understand? It hurts!

I am sick. I am ill. I am not feeling well. The swollen soul is crying, begging you to stop. It hurts. It hurts!!! Please........................................saye sakit yang amat sangat. SAKIT!!!! I know I've hurt you gazillion times before...but did I ever hit or push you or force you to do something you don't want to? Did I ever use violence against you? If I recall....nevermind... it hurts! It still hurts!

Mark my words, I WILL REMEMBER THOSE! THE SLAPS, THE HITS, THE SWELL WILL FADE BUT MY SWOLLEN HEART WON'T!........................................... stop doing those to someone else! Lastly, I am sorry for everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Morning to the World ;)

Olala...rise and the new day... The brightness of the sun..enlightens my mourning...oh I feel like losing someone already...though its' hanging somewhere without any string...does that make sense? Wheeew...

I finally know the meaning of loneliness. Ahaha... Loneliness is when you wonder around late at night (in my case, early in the morning) and you actually have nowhere to go. Loneliness is when you ask your friend to leave you, wishing that you can find your way home, all by yourself. Loneliness is when you madly care for someone whom you hurt but you did not mean to. Loneliness is when you make fool of yourself in front of them and thinking they could have liked you better. Loneliness is when you pretend not seeing the one you love in front of your eyes when you actually clearly can see them.

Last night, I was wondering around section 18...just after meeting my friend at McD there. I tought of dropping by but I just did not have the guts of knocking the door. "What would he say? Will he accept me? Will he open the door?" A lot was going on my mind. Technically speaking, I went to his house and just stood downstairs...not doing anything.. I was holding a card. A card of forgiveness... oh well...

Then I walked and walked (berape kali saye tawaf the block pun saye x pasti)... I did not know what was I thinking!!!? I was afraid of waking you up after the long day that you had. I just wanted to see the face, but I let myself out. I just wanted to smile, but I faked it. I just wanted to cry but I muted in my silence. I guess, all I'm saying is...I miss you.

However, I got to my senses, knowing that the busyness everyone has gone through (including me). "It's ok"... I should have informed you earlier. Huhu... "I think you were already in your wonderland, you should get some rest".. I guess, I just miss you, that's all. Then I went home..late (Ekhwan hasn't asleep yet, Tjul dah terbongkang..with some farts lagi, Opsie!)

Like I said, a lot was going on my mind. I just don't know why. He makes me happy though. He sees me when nobody does. He wipes my body when they spitted on me. He cleans myself up when people splashed dirt in the rain. Me? I simply do nothing. How foolish does it sound?

"You love me, you love me love me, you love me not, you love me, you love me not.." Ahahaha...Thats all.. Oh ya, I woke up early this morning..and I felt happy all in the sudden. I don't really know why. But I am happy..huhuhuhu. I was dreaming about you... That's all Mr Bloggy. I'll update later ok..

p/s- Thanx my friend for sharing your story and forcing your ears to listen my problem last nite... C u later then.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Are We Back on Track or What???!

What a morning to start off my day..pathetic...laziness rules!
Headed to class..oh ya, the class started a lil bit late...kudos prof..
I thought the fever is gone, but..I underestimated the fuckin fever...makes my day gloomy..(a bit)
The last message was.."Goodnight"..ahahaha...
Currently in love with Lisa Lavie...darn...for real??
I'm just wondering my stats...just to that I'm not dreaming on the sand again..
Are we back on track or what? You should be tired by now...
Bored is not a precise word for you I guess...I think.."tired" suits us...Are you tired?
I'm not sorry anymore..ahahaa...sue me for that..coz, that's what I do...
Uhuhuhu...stressed over assignments last few days...oh wait..the best is about to come...
Let's cram this eleventh hour til the veins come out from our eyes!!!!
Lisa Lavie - Find Me An Angel...please find me one....
OMG..I thought it's goin to be a wall of words..but...
Tomorrow will be another day...I am still here..not doin anythin...

Dat's all Mr Bloggy..c ya round babe..

Friday, October 10, 2008

Munawwarah, WHERE R U???

I'm a lil bit depressed today...knowing the fact that..I might wont be seeing her again after this!!! Uwaaa.....Please come back to me..please...

I know I've done so many wrong things to you...I just couldn't help myself... Oh...where r u? Can somebody please help me find her... I miss you..I really miss you...

Your cute lil adorable..The temptation to make you sleep on my lap..oh man..I'm obsessed with fact, I am listening to "Obsession" by Army of Lovers... Please come back baby...

Your soft bottom of your feet and hands make me feel fresh and young. Your smooth silky jacket makes you look like a Snow White..You are my princess.... Please come back to me...

Your so pure..n clean...I miss that makes me feel complete again, at least for a while...But where r u? Please come back..please..

I wonder..are you with someone else at the moment? Why can't I see you my baby? I miss you so much.. I know I've let you down throughout the week..but I was busy...with assignments...Jaferi's work..micro teaching..etc... I hope you can see that dear... I'm sorry

I really miss you..if you r with someone else...I just want you to be happy..I know that you r not happy with me... but don't be like this....Samad misses you! Mak Tam misses you! The Blackies miss you! I MISS YOU!!! Where are you Munawwarah???

If any of you know Munawwarah's whereabout, please..pleaseeee let me know... I'll pick her up... If any of you know that someone has taken Munawwarah, please tell them to return her to her family! She belongs there!!!! Not somewhere else! It's alien and scary for her..We live in a cruel world..It's a CRUEL world out there!!!

Munawwarah, where r U????

This is Munawwarah....

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Yay! Thankful to U..

U've finally made me happy...hehe..
Thanx...U should b happy too..How r u today? I hope u r doin great today...I can accompany u to the clinic..if u want..but last night, u said "No"...I hope those cramps r gone by now...My phone was not in tune last night, that's why I got ur msg a lil bit too late..Sorry. Porridge? I hope it did quench ur thirst n ur hunger as well..My kiss in advance to heal ur 'wound' n fever..hope it still works tho..

When I insisted to come ova, u said.."It's ok.." You do kno dat it's not quite fact, once in a blue moon, as if (yeah rite)...but I understand...U were not feeling well..I just wanna say sorry..for things that happened since the blue Monday. Will you stop befren with that devilish drink now? It slashes my heart, to kno dat cumin str8 from u...(sigh) is Wednesday. I don't know what is happening to us..I mean to me, obviously... Why r u still holding on even tho its painful? I just don't get it.... When I was there, its ur here, its mine... I forgive myself now...I understand if u can't..hmmm... How can I make it up to u dis time?

Las nyte, I dreamed about was U n suddenly ur uncle were condemning me, str8 to my eyes..1-on-1, 1-by-1..pheew.. I was scared (not to death) did sweat me out las nyte. All the misery I've given u. All the trouble I caused. All the pain I've done. All on me. I'm so sorry. I hope we can still...enjoy the moments on this yellow paradise again. If its not today, one day perhaps?

Lastly, I'm releasing myself from this huge burden inside me. I LOVE YOU. I kept it with me for almost a month. If I can't c u again, that's ok. I totally got ur message. I just wanna c u happy. Not like this, not with me. I guess, all I'm sayin is... I'm thankful that I've found U and U were so wonderful to me! I can never repay u d same...
Thanx my tree.


Monday, October 6, 2008


To those I've hurt, I'm sorry.
Sorry to see you burped out the devilish drink.
Don't stop, that's not what I asked from you.
You should be happy. Sorry for not replying your messages.
Sorry for not picking up your calls.
Sorry for being stubborn.
Sorry for making you cry, making you sad.
Sorry for not easing your pain.
Sorry, how should I know the rain comes again?..I never know..
Sorry for not knowing your secrets.
Sorry that you have to hide things from me. Sorry.
Sorry for crossing the road without holding your hand.
Sorry for not seeing you when I actually can see.
Sorry for shouting at you, really I am.
Sorry for humiliating you in front of them, sorry. I had no intention at all.
Sorry for my silence. Sorry for running away.
I run because I'm scared, not to escape..sorry.
Sorry for becoming such a burden. Don't hold on, just let go.
Sorry for being mad...when I should not care less.
Sorry for overreacting. Sorry for that. That's what I do best.
Sorry for leaving.
I'm sorry for everything.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Release me..

Owh..I feel like craps today.
Currently listening to 'Loveholic-Sad Story' over and over again.
I sound heartless...I have no guts to go on anymore...I'm sorry..
I can't say I'm happy but I'm doing ok..just leave me please.
I'll look at you differently after this..I'm sorry.
I thought I can act cool and pretend that it's ok..but I was wrong, I can't..
You should come clean to your mum and dad, and promise yourself not to do that again.
I don't know, I just can't walk on that path anymore..such slum..wont fit me.
I just wish you to be happy.
Please forget everything about me..I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for every single mistake I've ever done...
I'm sorry for hurting you..
Just let me go and you will be happy once again.
I'll look at you differently from now on..
You're still the best I've ever had.
Thank you for everything.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Selamat Hari Raya to ALL!


Holiday...finally..I'm going to take my leave afterwards..after what had happened since past few days and weeks...

I just wanna say..I'm sorry for every single mistake to you and please...PLEASE forgive me!

and...thank you to everyone for whatever reasons, for being there for me, for making me happy, for loving me, for everything! Thank you...

I guess, I'm going to see you again after raya as I will utilize my raya to the utmost level! Yippie..with babies at home..yay! Alyaa and Aiman...hehe..n my cats..n my family (of course)..n PANTAI..absolutely!!!

Assignments??? OH well...I couln't care less I guess..I really need a break tho...I'm TIRED!!

All in all...



This piano is just a tool!

This piano is just a tool!

At nights, I stay up late and cry,
At times, I feel like I could die!
In this life, I don't feel loved,
I always marooned away or shoved!
I can play this piano well,
but I can no longer stand the swell!
Should I be happy?
How can it be if I'm treated this crappy?
Sometimes, I see things as scary,
Why can't I just be happy and merry?
I am best in crying,
never once, I'm lying to cry!
For all my faults, I am to blame,
I am the one to take the shame!
I wish you can see me,
and not this piece besides me!
This piano is just a tool,
As me, I am the fool!


I don't think I can go on anymore!

What is wrong with us?
What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with this world?

Fights? Arguments? Winning? Losing?
Giving up? Stubborn? Sucked up? Messed up?
Perfect? Real? Hatred? Love?
Violence? Robbing? Stealing? Threating?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Journal #5

This piano is just a tool!

At nights, I stay up late and cry,
At times, I feel like I could die!
In this life, I don't feel loved,
I always marooned away or shoved!
I can play this piano well,
but I can no longer stand the swell!
Should I be happy?
How can it be if I'm treated this crappy?
Sometimes, I see things as scary,
Why can't I just be happy and merry?
I am best in crying,
never once, I'm lying to cry!
For all my faults, I am to blame,
I am the one to take the shame!
I wish you can see me,
and not this piece besides me!
This piano is just a tool,
As me, I am the fool!


*Imagine being a child prodigy who is not understood by people you long for friendship and a normal life. Write a poem describing your life.

Q2-Island Postcard

Please come home!

I still have vivid pictures of the day
The day we were so happy
to hold you in our arms
to kiss on your juicy cheek

Since the day you were here
I just can't stop smiling
to see you trying to walk
to see you trying to talk

What hurts the most for me
every single time I think of you
to see you cry in your bed
to see you fall from your bike

Where are you now my darling?
where have you been these years?
are you doing great?
are you growing up well?

Please come home! Please come home!
I want to see you, I want to see you
just before I weep
just before I sleep

*Received from a mother.

Q1-Island Postcard

Life is funny

such a lunatic fantasy
blinds one's sacrifice
to seek for eternity

such word is funny
once one succumbs too rough
it drives us crazy

such a misery
everytime i close my eyes
I wish you will see me

such a peaceful breeze
longing for the view
since you were at ease

*To a best friend who's already gone

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Hardest Breakup..."I'm not worth as much as you"

10.01pm - Got out from shower, read a text message from xx...asked me to meet him.

10.14pm - Headed outside, went straight to 7-e,
- Bought myself a pack of Dentyne and a bottle of Tropicana Twister.

10.30pm - xx arrived with his brand new, cool yellow shirt. "Always the real thing" Then, we walked and walked and walked...

10.39pm - Tried to cross the road, but the traffic..wheew.. I crossed the road, ALONE...I crossed the road without even holding xx's hand!!! I left him!

10.41pm - We sat on the divider. Silent. My lame question.."Dah dinner?". Silent. He said, "You do know that my hands are empty...".Then I said, "" How stupid was I???

11.02pm - Still silent. 'Cricket'

11.04pm - xx asked "Is there anything you want to say?"
- How stupid I was by replying, "No...nothing" when all I really wanted to say was, "I'm sorry"

11.06pm - I did say sorry out of nowhere...NOT EVEN LOOKING AT HIS FACE! Then he said, "Sorry for what? You did nothing wrong!!!"...Then I said..."Ok.." That's all!????
- He told me "I love you!" and I kept being silent... Damn... I could not even reply that!!!

11.34pm - xx told me he was badly hurt. "Badly crashed!" with what I've done the other day. And I completely did nothing. The best I could say was.."I know"..That's it??? I could see how hurt he was and I did..technically nothing. And I could not even look into his eyes and tell him straight what I wanted to say.
- The way he's like, a heart is being slashed and crashed with a hammer and chainsaw. xx offered me his hand but...I DID NOTHING!

11.52pm - xx proved to me that he would do anything.. he even crossed the road without looking at the cars and hoping somebody will hit him! Yet, I slowly walked and grabbed his hand and said, "Please..don't do that..." That's all??? He said.."You need a break!.." I could see his point. He'd do anything for me.. But me???

12.04pm - He left.....

12.06pm - I was hoping that xx would look at me for the last time..but..after all I've done?? I took a longer way home and called someone and asked some advice...I oughted to cry but..NOTHING... I don't know myself anymore. xx called. Again, the best thing I've said was "I can't talk right now" and hung up.
01.05am - I got home. My buddies were sleeping already. I called him...and I said "Sorry, I really am...I know you've hurt.." "When you said I needed a break. Yes, its true..and I will leave. I have to leave. I don't wanna hurt you anymore. Please forgive me for everything and just be happy."

Then he texted me "How could you, how could you, how could I thot, I thot u'll try to win me could you" Then I replied "I have to, I'm bad, really bad. I don't even know how to make you happy. I can't even ease u when u cry. I can't even hold ur least, tis is the good thing I ever do for u...u'll never get hurt after dis...find a better person n dun find a boy like me n b happy"

I called him...with sweat in my eyes...I could feel his pain. He's taken 10 pills already and 5 more to go... I don't want's the best. I'm guilty, yet I could not even say sorry!!!. I'm beyond idiotic! I don't think I'm good enough for xx. I crashed xx already!

I want xx back. I really do. But, I am toooooo ego to admit that. Perhaps, its the best for him. I just hope, xx will be happy after this! I'm sorry for everything and I know, sorry is not good enough. I'll eat my own bitterness and swallow my misery after this. I don't know myself anymore. Please hate me!!!

Just one thing for xx..."I'm not worth as much as you!!!"

Seriously, what is wrong with me???? Fuck me!