Saturday, October 18, 2014

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Hey there bloggy,

It's been a while, isn't it... Well, here I am now... Each day is a struggle for me now... I don't know how to cope with my feelings once I'm gone. I hope I am strong enough not to cry. Hey, I am leaving for a good reason, aren't I? Don't worry buddy, I will always remember you. When I come back, you will be the first person whom I would like to see. I'll hug you real tight that day. Please don't forget me buddy. I love you.

Anyway, I think I haven't posted some of my favorite tracks for a while now. This is definitely one of my favorites. Come to think of it, many of us love this wonderful song. It's called "Leaving on a Jet Plane" (written in 1966), performed by John Denver. Of course, you can find thousands making cover on this one but what's better than the original, right?!

Here it goes...

John Denver - Leaving on a Jet Plane

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go I'm standin' here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say goodbye But the dawn is breakin' It's early morn The taxi's waitin' He's blowin' his horn Already I'm so lonesome I could die
So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down So many times I've played around I tell you now, they don't mean a thing Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring
So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you One more time Let me kiss you Then close your eyes I'll be on my way Dream about the days to come When I won't have to leave alone About the times, I won't have to say
Oh, kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go
But, I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Still can't...

Battling. Struggling. Trying my best to hide this stupid feeling. Sucks. It still hurts. It does.

But I'm trying my best to cope.. it's okay. I'll try harder.

Note to self: it's's okay

Ya Allah, if only he knows how difficult this is for me... let me please have the strength to go through this, ameen...


Thursday, August 7, 2014

I remember...

I remember...
20 July 2014. I went silent. All the way. Cold. Something went off. The soothing air we breathed in Kelantan could not soothe my heart. I was furious. I was angry at myself. I was angry because I could not control my over zealous feeling for you. I was angry because I felt so close with you yet so far from you. I felt jealous for the attention you gave to someone else (you know who). I was stupid. I was foolish. I was silent. You were hurt. You cried. You burst into tears. You could not endure my cold-swing responses. After many months spent with you, that was my first time crying hard in front of you. Thank you for making me cry and sorry for the tears I caused you that night. I remember.

6 Aug 2014. The day I lost my way. I took a wrong turn. I thought the road I took was going to be a smooth ride but I was wrong. The love I felt (which I still feel) was over the top that even a flick of small thing made me jealous and out of control. I was jealous of the attention you gave that person (you know who). I was jealous because I know I will be your past and that person will definitely be your future. One day, I will just be a pick of your random memory. Maybe one day, I'll be swooshed away from your memory or maybe I will not even be in your memory trove. I'm sorry that I love you this way. I remember.

7 Aug 2014. I went silent... again. You patiently waited for me... again. Sorry (you know who you are) for hurting you.. again. I did not mean to hurt you. In fact, I love you so extreme that I could go mental if I had to lose you one day. Seriously.This time, I felt that I could no longer endure the pain. I had to isolate myself and tell you. Sorry for not joining your 'burger' treat for dinner. I admitted I was selfish. I wanted you all for myself. Just me, no one else. What a selfish bitch I was (still am!)! I love you so extreme that I want you just for myself. I rejected the idea of sharing that moment! I just want you! Again, out of my nonchalant gesture, I cried. The SECOND time I cried because of you! I know you cried before confronting me. I know. I'm sorry. I remember!

All the promises I made... I remember! Growing old together, to be there for each other (for as long as you need me), to be a friend, to be your bestesttesttest buddy forever, to be there next to each other through thick and thin and to love one another, to change for the better me and never look at my dark path I once took and to be yours forever. I remember. I remember!

What should I do now?! How to fix this? How to mend this swollen heart? How? I don't have the slightest idea on how to make you happy while I suffer from deep misery! I love you. I do! Can I have you forever in my life?

I will remember you, always!

Munafik Hati

"It's Ok!"

I say "It's Ok" when it is not. I smile when it actually hurts. I laugh when it is not even funny. I pretend to live when I am actually dying. See?! All my pretentious lies?! I lie to look tough.  

I'm a big boy now after all.

"It's Ok!"

Saturday, June 14, 2014

A letter of freedom, love and promises...

I thank Allah everyday for lending me a truly special buddy like you, even for a while...

Hey there buddy,

Another day with your fond presence in my life. Thank you buddy for everything to date. Right now, I feel free. Free from the guilt of this pretentious world. Free from plastic people. Just free. 

I just wanna say thanks for saving me and guiding me through. I was no longer an active member of my previous, dark social circle. That was then. I stopped. Honestly, no more. I am tired of such crappy life. I have decided to dedicate my life for someone whom I will call "My wife" soon. The truth is, I will no longer look back and make a u-turn. I have already stopped even before you walked into my life buddy. Seriously.

Dear buddy, my special buddy. I was a dog. A miserable dog before I met you. I was long a slave for my own fake path. You saved me. You tore my chain. You detached the knots. You released my pain. You fixed the dots. You gave me hope. You helped me to cope. For those, I thank you. I know I cannot repay your kindness. You can't see my sincere tears for now but I am crying as I write... not because I am sad but happy instead. I believe I have made the right decision to stop. I have put an end to my past. I pray that my past will not haunt my future, ameen. 

You are my strength for now. You are almost my everything. You filled 1/3 of my heart. Be still buddy, next to my family and my future wife-to-be. Be still there my love, my special one. I have faith in you. I believe I can survive this with your love. I hope you will love me forever. I hope you will not fade away, not even in my dreams. Dear God, let me have my special buddy for the rest of my life. Thanks for showing me that there is true friendship out there, still. Thank you.

My days are filled with colorful pictures of you now. I feel you and I think about you every second I breathe. You are my angel. For days we spent together, I thank you. I do not know how will I go on without your presence. Will I have the strength to say goodbye one day? I doubt that. I have to accept that you will not be there for me everyday. My days with you are cut short. I know that we will have to part somehow. I hope I will not cry when the day comes. "Goodbye" is the hardest word to say to you and "Goodbye" is the saddest word I will ever hear from you. Please know this in case if I am no longer around. My feelings for you are real. My love for you is true. I love you, I do.

Lastly, I know that paper will turn yellow. We will age. We will grow old, very old. I hope you keep your promises too. To stay old together. To share our lives together. To love each other forever. As for me, until the day I breathe my final breath, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU. When I hear love, I think of you. You are so kind, thoughtful and caring. You are so pleasant, lovely and sharing. I love you.

Thank you.


Your special buddy.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014


Which one should I opt for? I'm lost... Ya Allah...
What a dilemma. When there are few options laid in front of you to choose in the nick of time, you become lost. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to start. You don't know where to seek help and advice. You don't know to whom should you refer to. 

What should I do now? What should I do next? Where should I go? What, who, where, when, which, how?????  (Sigh) (Sigh) (Sigh)... :(
Should I go for this Fellowship scheme, UMK?

Or should I go for Tamhidi Teacher/1-3 year probation period before fellowship offer (limited post)

OR should I go for this instead. MARA sponsorship scheme. Going abroad. Hmm..

I am so lost at the moment. Limited time. Limited sources. What should I do? Where should I go? I need a lifeline..... :(

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Pssst kamu...

I love you, I do... be my special one forever please :)

"I miss you when there's no reason to, how much more if there is? 
I miss you when we talk, how much more if we don't?
I miss you after we're together, how much more if I see you never?
I love you now, how much more later?"

Hiya peeps,

This is a literal post for such literally and significantly sweet gestures made by a superbly special person in my life. Ignore the poyo-ness level of this post. :-)

You woke me up this morning. I think that is very sweet. I swear, no one has ever woke me up except for my family. Normally, I would do the calling and waking up stuff to people. But this morning, you woke me up. Hmm..come to think of it, you are the first to give me a wake up call in the morning. Seriously, you are so sweet... and adorable too.

I am currently attached to doing this crappy AKNC thingy, but as a distraction, I am writing this entry in the hope that Pn. Saadi might think I'm busy doing my report. Hehe.

Pssst kamu
Hey Kamu,
Come a little closer
Yes kamu, come a little closer, please...
Psst, let me whisper in your ear
Let me tell it to you softly
so that no one else will hear
What I have to say is private
and is just between us two;
I just want you to know:
How much I love the things you do
How much I love the things you say
How much I love the songs you sing
I love you.

That's all for now. Toodles :-)

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Something Special: A Special Ride

 Hiya peeps,

What's been buzzing lately? Well, MH370's SAR is still on, apparently. People are still wondering what happened actually?! Debates on HUDUD implementation are still hot on the stove. Unfortunately, 'they' need to study and re-study the hudud that suits our current needs. Bravo. 

Anyway, yesterday, I had this privilege of  riding a bike. Wait. Not a fancy kind of bike. A very basic instead. The bike has four step-on gear (basic) and only one step-on brake pedal. LOL. I was confused at first (which is which). Oh, not to mention, I almost hit a car yesterday! Oops. So much on being good in handling! (&^%$# that car!). But, I am telling you... it was AWESOME! Honestly. I really enjoyed that. After more than 10 years, I finally had the chance to ride a bike...on my own!!! That's a lie actually. It was under 'professional' supervision of course! Are you crazy?! You want me to die?!

This bike, hehe :P

All in all, I had the time of my life yesterday. It was fun. Thanks to YOU, I had the courage to ride a bike...again. Come to think of it, the last time I rode one was... 11 years ago. After Form 4, secondary school! Like what???! Seriously. Again, I had fun. Thanks a million. You made my day. Everyday is special with you around, though. :-)

Then, we went home, just right before maghrib with some "mempelam muda" (mangoes) he collected for his "COLEK" (sweet & sour dipping sauce) treat last night! Woohoo. Oh yeah, that was awesome as well! Thanks again buddy!

That's all for now. Toodles peeps.

p/s - With you, everyday is special :-)

Monday, April 28, 2014

Who loves you? That somebody.

Your special friend :-)

Dear you,

Please know that each day, I love you more. Today, it is more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.


Somebody's me.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

A circle has no ends and that's how long I wanna be your special friend! :-)

Forever love, special friend.
Dear you,

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember:

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think...

but the most important thing is, even if we're apart,

I'll always be with you."

~ Winnie the Pooh

p/s - A circle is round and it has no ends. That is how long I want to be your special friend.

Friday, April 11, 2014

How Long Will I Love You

How long will I love you?
Oh my oh my...

I find this really sweet. It is a track from the movie; About Time [2013]. A great movie to watch! IMDB gives 7.8/10 for the rating! Wohoo. Seriously, it is a great movie. So, let me share the lyrics ye. The title of the song is: How Long Will I Love You, written by Mike Scott and performed by Jon Boden & Cristoph Baushinger. Here it goes :-)

How Long Will I Love You

How long will I love you
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I can

How long will I need you
As long as the seasons need to
Follow their plan

How long will I be with you
As long as the sea is bound to
Wash upon the sand

How long will I want you
As long as you want me to
And longer by far

How long will I hold you
As long as your father told you
as long as you are

How long will I give to you
As long as I live through you
However long you stay

How long will I love you
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I may

Saturday, April 5, 2014

p/s - I Love You

You are special to me. Everyday. Let's make our days ahead special. Exceptional.
Hiya there,

Just another random post. Then again, what's not random about me? Everything seems random...especially lately. Haha. 

Anyway, this is a random message to dear you. If you think you're special, then this is for you. Yes; YOU. 

No matter how bad your day is, no matter how sour it turns, no matter how lonely the journey is, no matter how hard it is, no matter how far the distance is, no matter how cold your night is, remember this


Thursday, April 3, 2014

Monday, March 31, 2014

I am white

I am white. What are you?
Lol. I just randomly took this weird personality test. It seems that my true color is WHITE. Anyway, this is what WHITE represents: 
You are a dreamer, good friend, and a person who strives to do the right thing for the greater good. Some of your friends might think you are a little conventional, but they love you because they know you are considerate of their feelings. You don't mind spending vacation days around the house, but you might venture out as far as the local park.
(Sigh). I'm not quite sure about that.. perhaps some of my friends have a better explanation. Oh well, I'll ask some tomorrow then.
 Till then, toodles :)

With love, I return your love.

I love you, my special friend :)
I don't think words are enough to describe how special you are to me. Last night, you asked me; "Ape bukti kau sayang aku?". I was speechless. I think the evidences are clear. You can see it everyday. 
Anyway, 10 things to ponder:

1) If I don't love you, don't you think it's a waste of time to secure a space for you in my heart?
2) Though you don't know this, it's not an infatuation. It's been more than two years kot!
3) What about my sacrifice? I have finally set my heart at ease watching you and him together. I am okay with it. In fact, I feel happy when you are happy with him. "The biggest sacrifice you can make is letting your loved one happy even if it's not with you." There, see how special you are?!
4) My kisses. I don't kiss randomly. My kisses are special.
5) What about my trust? That is priceless. I don't trust people easily but I trust you. Please don't break my trust.
6) Time. I respect your time off. When you spend time with him, have I ever texted or called you? I don't want to trouble you.
7) Do you think it's easy for me to look in your eyes and say "I love you"? No! But I did. 
8) My confession. It was gutsy of me confessing though I was ready for rejection that night. It was again, honest.
9) I feel sad when you're sad. I feel glad when you're glad.
10) I feel so happy and excited whenever you text me, or call me..even for a short while.

I hope we are clear that you are indeed special to me. Just let me have you as my special friend and let me love you from afar ye. It makes me happy. Aku rase happy tengok kau happy dari jauh. It's okay :) That's how special you are to me. Huhu. 

How I feel at the moment? Let me see. I miss your kisses. I miss your hugs. On top of all, I miss you. Here's something for you. 

It has meant so much
Having you as a friend
You will always be a part of me
InsyaAllah, until the end

When times are tough
You are always there
It has brightened my world
Just knowing that you care

You make me feel the love
I have inside
You are a friend,
A special one indeed

Since we met
Our friendship has grown
While you're in the world
I will never be alone

I feel blessed to have met
Someone like you
And to have found a friendship
So special and true

Credit to Crystal A. Dedes. Thanks a bunch :)

P/s – My special one,

Let me just say this to you,
Our friendship is very dear and special.
So please, no matter what happens between us,
Don’t let our friendship turn to dust.
Or I will without a doubt fall apart,
With the pieces of my broken heart.

I know I'm not that special to you and maybe one day, you'll miss me when I'm gone :)