2010: New Year, New Me...

Happy New Year! ;p

Another year to celebrate the aging self! I'm old...snap...grrrrrr....22!

This means: CHANGE!, CHANGE!, CHANGE!

Time to grow up and be strong! Yeah........

Time to excel in everything! Gambatte!

Time to be myself and do my own things!

It's a beginning of a new me...huuuuuuuuuuuu....

Happy new year peeps..;p

Gone

She's gone.

No more Ju.
No more Mummy.
No more Mok Cik Ju.
No more Kak Lily.
No more Puan Julia Fardilla Abd. Jabar.
No more.

Coz she's gone, peacefully.

When?
11.00am, 22 December 2009.

Where?
Damansara Specialist Hospital.

Al-Fatihah.

Please pray for her....

My mummy is currently undergoing some major surgeries at KPJ Damansara Specialist Hospital. It is going to take some times there. Thus, I hope she will get loads of wishful prayers on her behalf.

She is diagnosed with "Advance Tongue Cancer". Even though the doctors (Dr. Lum Wah Heng and Dr. Awal) said..the chances may be 50-50, I still keep my hopes high. I believe she is not giving up and neither do I. I still hope for some miracles to happen.

I thank you for your kindness in advance. Thank you for staying with me and standing next to me through these hard times.

May Allah bless us all, ameen.

Success behind the flaws...

Success? Perhaps.

People won't stop judging until they see the subject falls. People will only stop at two; 1. The subject ridiculously falls like what they assume OR 2. The subject successfully proves the ridiculous theory wrong.

Why? Oh well, it is just the nature of human being. We can't be free enough to see others happy. There must be something we can do to point our flawless criticism.

It's itchy on my back. Seriously it is... It's like living with fungus all around you. Everywhere you go, people are eyeballing on you. They just wait for the right moment till you make even a simple mistake. They know how to tackle your fragility.

I have no idea...I think, it's nothing but a guaranteed excitement to judge others.

I come with flaws. I am not perfect. But who are you to judge? The decision I have made was totally under no influence of my personal being. It was totally professional. And I am proud to say, "It's a success!"

At this point, you are still digging for my dirt. By all means, please do. While you are busy digging, I am already on top. Where are you? Seriously, do you want to be on the bottom forever? Come on, work with me here... God does not change your fate! You have to work to attain perfection dude! Money does not come easy. Go figure.

I will try to serve you with a smile on my face. It's true I am lack of the expertise you're looking for. But darn it, I like your attitude, bashing me like that.... Don't I deserve any applause upon my success? Damn, I worked hard for it! Spare me some credit will you.

I therefore like to call it.."Success behind the flaws". It's another trek to my freedom.

Lastly, do your best in whatever things you do best. As I will do my best to achieve great things ahead. Sayonara to you (waving goodbye).

Long Trek to Freedom

Long Trek to Freedom

I am caught up in the desperate struggle against my inner self.
"Should I brutally hit my lustful desire or
should I just kill myself instead?"
I realize; this is somehow a battle to survive.
I need a precise word to change...'DETERMINATION'.

To live is to make decisions.
"Why did I choose this path?"
Let me reflect on how hard for me
to hold my attention upon changing.
I just don't have the ENTHUSIASM anymore.

The blood bath has begun since my secondary years.
Those were good years but I have wasted my years of purity.
As I yearn for changes, I lost my focus when I should
be concentrating on my studies in my hostel.
"Where have I been?", "I have been in prison!"

I have been living myself on the run for too long now.
It never stops... The longest effort lasted only for 3 weeks.
Yet I am running again.
I am running towards the darkness.
I have to admit... it's a journey to hell.

I am still hoping... for a surprise package to knock my door.
A package of freedom, free from this lust.
"It can't be far now... I am nearly out of prison."
I want my poetry to be read by them.
So they see my trek to freedom is nothing but a fight.

by aNs, 8 Nov 2009

Rebound

Yup. It is definitely a positive note for me after the past few weeks of decline.

With the current direction, I should probably be looking ahead for the release of my wretchedly unhappy life.

This emotion keeps on bouncing whenever firm tragedy/dilemma/misery happens.

Nevertheless, I am looking forward for this weekend. Here in Terengganu, we are celebrating the weekend beginning from Friday. Nobody works on Friday here. To this date, my pre-weekend plan are:

- Bathe CT, clean her nest and feed her as usual,
- Go to Pasar Minggu and buy something(s),
- Tahlil, Yaasin and Solat Hajat for mummy and arwah Tok Bob,
- Do laundry,
- Avoid any lustful interaction with anybody.

I hope I will gain something good this time though the negative counters are unchanged. Can I trade this misery instead? Is there anybody out there wants to trade their merrily blissful life with me? A split share perhaps? 50-50?

No matter how much effort I put to walk away from the misery, it will all end up in a perfect, untouched list. It is like nothing has improved and they will be re-listed after the completion of its prior restructuring list...which I did long ago.

Bottom line is; I should not walk away from the test anymore. Life is in fact a terrible test. What's in front of me is fated and I should accept it like a man. Even if it means to let go of someone very special.

I have learned to accept this fatal fate. Life goes on. That's what people told me.

After this weekend and the following weeks, I hope the turnover will be great. If 'great' sounds a bit far-fetched, 'better' is more than OK. I just hope I can once again be the alacrity boy I used to be.

That's all for now. Toodles.

Dear Witheld,

30 Oct 2009; 1.13a.m.. Witheld 'called'..or miscalled, I suppose.
31 Oct 2009; 12.45p.m.. Witheld called but I was away. How unlucky.
1 Nov 2009; 10.38p.m.. Witheld called but I accidentally pushed the red button. How stupid.
2 Nov 2009; 1.17a.m.. Witheld called. It was raining. Thunders were shouting at each other. I would not dare answering the phone, so I rejected the call. How ridiculous.
3 Nov 2009; 1.30p.m.. Witheld miscalled for 2 seconds. WTF?!

(Sigh). I thought I have gotten rid of Witheld. Why me, why now? Why can't you just let me off and enjoy this luxury of freedom? Why do you have to toy with my emotion and feeling when you left me long ago?

How I wish I have never met you... Those unlucky night.

Oh. That's pretty much about my sigh for Witheld. Gone. Yup. Witheld's gone now. Uwaaaa.... Why has Witheld gone? Did Witheld leave a message? NO!

Now, I am proceeding to blow my nose with a loud trumpeting noise so that Witheld fall back, alarmed.

Oh no I am not. I have come here to say something important and that I am about to say it...now.

I say, "I'll do it my way!" I will stand on my own stool. I don't need you anymore. I don't need you to ask me out for one night and leave me forever the next morning, again. I am sorry. I have to pass on that.

See, you took me in quite improperly. You introduced me to your weird friends. You left me watching "The Late Show with David Letterman" that night, all by MYSELF. And you? You were having loads of fun downstairs. Boo! You are an old man to the life. And how do you make yourself cute? Oh yeah...you cheated me with your charm.

I was practicing this disguise when you came. Obviously, I failed. I was not as good as you...and your friends. I am no match to you.

You are a marvel, Witheld. Honestly, you are. You showed me the best place to land my feet on that night. Incredible. You made me feel good about myself. Awesome. Your voice and your laugh... I can't buy them. Damn, I am wonder-struck by your charm!

No, I should not! No! Stop it! Stop calling me please. You know I can't hide my lust on you.

Whoa, take it easy Niza! Your sympathetic!? A good combination of sympathy and pathetic? Yeah....

Ok.. I am coming back to my senses.

Dear Witheld,
I just want to write you this. You are threatening me by interrupting my life plan. You'll hardly believe this but I do feel threatened. I need to move on Witheld.

Why didn't you slap me that morning? At least, I would get the warning. The warning that you'll leave forever and stay out of my radar.

Why do you have to call me using 'Witheld'? And how dare you get to me by simply saying; "Sampai hati tak call I!" For goodness sake, how am I suppose to call when I don't even have your number???! Poor me.

Thank you Witheld for giving me such a clip on my ear that I would not be able to hear you for months OR years OR ever again! Thank you.

Thank you.

-niza-

I wanna go to university because...

Wake up...wake up!
The time is almost up!

Malaysian nowadays think that some universities are instruments for social policy. Are we playing a game here? What game are we in? Who's in and who's out?

Over the years, many has discussed an issue (I have no idea what the issue is). In my humble opinion, we have lead a misrepresented idea of social policy. We took the path and we can never revert! Stop looking at the past and start anew! If everyone shall aim for the past, I don't think we can unstitch the tangling ties. Can we?

Logically speaking from the mind, EVERYONE wants to go to universities. By right, competition level nowadays...is...immensely intense! Isn't that a good wake up call? I think it is...... Or is it just another brainwashing sentiment from (u-shud-kno-who)?

I am still dreaming I guess... I had dreams while I was sleeping... I have enjoyed the dreaming part...and I kept on dreaming without coming to my sagacious truth. Am I being overjoyed?

Is it time to wake up? Is breakfast ready yet? Too much sleep and excessive dreams make me forget the land I am living for...almost 22 years. I have spent too much time at Neverland. I guess, it's time to head back to my root.

WE have everything which first class universities would have. The facilities are awe-inspiring. BUT we have too mcuh of third class mentalities...Oh, I meant to say MUCH for MCUH.

Reflecting on my practicum days, a teacher (Mr. Selva Manoger) once said; "You guys are very lucky... You have everything! You have the best facilities to study. The problem is.. Most of you guys take it lightly because you know that..at the end of the day, THEY will provide you with everything."

I have to agree...because the 'MOST of you guys..' part includes me. I have been sleeping too much. I skipped classes...freely. I submitted my assignments...indolently. I read my textbooks...negligibly. I go to the library...hardly ever. Wow...looks like I am a quitter afterall...

To think that I managed to walk proudly around this university compound is rather embarrassing. I did not make full use of the privileges given. I have let myself down. I let my family down. I am such a waste for this country. I need to change.

I wanted to go to university because...I want to change.

Will I ever change?

Love me for me

Lately, I have been feeling that I owe myself something. Love. I have not loved myself for quite a period. There's something missing in my life...It is 'love'.

I think I need love. I am incapable to live in this world all by myself. I need somebody to love and love me in return.

I guess, I am ready for love. There's no one really secured a space in my heart before. I don't think there's someone there at the moment either.

Could it be that I am just running in the same circle, with the same motion as before? Perhaps. But, it's ok. As long as I have Me, Myself and I, I'll be ok.

Therefore, I have decided to love myself...more.

I love myself.

To those out there, please love yourself! Give more chances of love for yourself! Open your heart to loving yourself...more!

I love myself!

Love me tender...

Nothing much to say lately......
Just love me dearly and tenderly.

I will try my best to love you with all my heart.....
I hope you will stop the ridicule jealousy by trusting your heart.

I hope it'll work this time.....
Please be my partner of crime.

I love you.

It starts with a joke...

People die out of jokes...
Reality check...TRUE!
Is it really necessary to have such joke as a medium of revenge???
Is it really ok till it results to death? Seriously, what kind of joke is that?
What purpose does it serve?
I was thinking...are we that ignorant??? I mean...us, with everything around us...

I need oxygen to breathe...

The truth is..I watched a movie just now; "Sorority Rows"...and..

I guess, I have loads of background schemata of "I know what you did last summer" as it became predictable...(mostly)... The killing was quite an improvement, I think...

Anyway, the story starts with a silly joke...and the joke...was DEADLY! How can you use a 'dead' joke to seek for revenge...(to get even with your bf/gf)?! Come on...

Seriously, people can die out of such silly joke.....

Is it?

Please tell me it's not over...before it begins!

I wish you could stay longer...but....it's only a wish...

and it won't come true...just want you to be happy all the time!

Fantasy

It's an unfortunate gift...satisfaction may be negotiated.

FantaSIZE me in ur dReams.....

Double the spice if u treat me nice...

Need help?

Call:

012-in-ur-dreams bitch!

Obviously, I am an idiot!

I had the craziest and cutest night ever last two nights. I had my awkward moment, meeting new people; whom in my opinion.........possess a high level of maturity. Not to mention, I was out of their world at times....

I was sleepy and I was bored for the first hour of silence. I talked minimally. I tried to open up by letting them see my sexy 'language' and sexy 'physical attraction'. Obviously, some of them were pleased...gosht I feel like a whore now.

I had no idea where we were, so I did not dare to leave....

Finally, I broke the awkwardness with the help of a new friend; whom shares the same age as mine. Thank you for that.

Later that night, it went crazy...with a crazy party going on, loud music, smokes, nice FnB...chocolate, ice cream.... Those people were actually good in pretending...so warmth and welcoming. They were good actors, I think (including me).

I had no idea what was I doing there. Seriously! Then, I sang some songs (karaoke) with some of them. Well, basically..they were out of tune except me who seriously made an effort to hit the right notes.

The party went on but I could not see where was the person who brought me there...Oh boy. I was left helplessly. I knew where he was...but I could not care less... I was enjoying the limelight given to me...

However, he finally said sorry...and brought me to another place... I thought we were heading home.... Nevermind...the night was still young...

We came to a cutest point of my life when we cherished everything we shared that night. I felt free. I lost all of my tight burdens. I love that moment. Well, it was just another cute dream, I think....

Now? I lost everything. Literally and figuratively. But I had fun... I enjoyed it. I blended in (after some series of struggle). I made friends. I loved the moments we spent together. Those are too cute to be true.

I don't think I want to walk on the same path again. Nope. Not anymore. I don't want to see them anymore, I think. Let it remain as a bittersweet dream. I got what I was looking for and it was more than enough already.

with love,
it'sjustme.

I'm not 12 anymore!

Yup....I am well aware of the signals. I am not a 12 years old boy anymore.... SO, I fully understand.

Thanks for everything.

I feel free now.....like a bird soaring up high in the sky!

I am happy for you though.....;p

Keep on smiling, and be happy my friend. ;p

Review of my training months. (Part 2)

"Creativity means believing you have greatness."
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Being a teacher does not mean that you only come to school to teach...
Along the way, you have to fill in whatever position the management gives you...
This is where your humility and professionalism are tested to a greater impact...

Having the opportunity of being a trainee at SMKSI has really opened my eyes, widely!
I did every single thing that the school asked me to....

If you think relief duty is heavy, think about...handling the school trip somewhere, teaching other subjects besides your option, preparing exam question (qualification is out of the box), handling discipline matters, leading a program, updating the lessons etc....

Sometimes, these things make you grow up... You will look at your life and others at a different angle...

I consider myself lucky as those experience were worth to die for...They say; "It's the politics at workplace or kerenah birokrasi.."

I'd say; "It's a new level of professionalism!"

Take it with open arms, look for sources and help...and you can enjoy the satisfaction..(satisfaction guaranteed!).

During my training days, I have taught more than one subjects. They were:

-English
-Pendidikan Moral
-Geography
-Pendidikan Seni Visual
-Mathematics
-Pendidikan Agama Islam
-Amalan Bahasa Melayu (for remove class)

I had no idea on how to execute my lessons at the beginning. Nevertheless, with the help of in-charge persons, I pulled myself together and I had fun...for myself and the students...Most of the times, games come in handy...

The students especially form 1 students, labeled me as "Cikgu teka-teki". Why? Perhaps I should ask 1D students or maybe 1E... Was it because I gave them too much riddles?

They are kids. Obviously they love games...As a teacher, manipulate those interest and make it into fun learning...Everyone can!

Along the way during my practicum, many things happened. I look at those as the bittersweet symphony of my life as a trainee.

I was offered for sex by a student...Tettt...reality check: It did happen!
I was called "Stupid!" right to my face by a student.
I was stalked by students.(still do ;p)
Students extremely fought in my classes. Blood was everywhere!!!
With these, skipping class is just a minute problem for us at SMKSI.
I handled it with dignity (^_^) though...I had no idea...being someone with power tested my credibility I guess.

I had so much fun during my training days. Life is full of colors. There are blessing in disguise for whatever happens.

It's not a fairytale anymore, having good students like other schools. I accepted everything with joy and laughter.

Auntie Liza told me once; "Cikgu, if you know how to look for fun at this school, then you should have no misery after this.."

It's true... Be creative...dig in and blend in with students...STUDY them! I managed to have fun and it's nothing but fun...(though sometimes I tend to hurt myself). I did silly stuffs sometimes.

I think that's all for part 2...I ought to take my shower now...

....to be continued....

I honestly miss u.

Well..that's all..huhu...

I think I really miss u...so much...

I want you back CT!

Review of my training months. (Part 1)

"Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them."

William Shakespeare

Oh boy, this is going to be tough...

The first time I stepped my feet on the soil of SMKSI: "Not bad." (So, I have set my hope high)...Oh, I met my first friend today; Auntie Liza. I love you dearly my angel!

The first day of SOP: "Still not too bad." (The hopes and dreams were still high)

The first Friday of SOP: "What?, Kene mengecat Blok D?! Boy, at least I have made some friends with students who thought I am a transfer student from other school...;p

The very first day of practicum (15/6): It's my first time attending the weekly assembly at the Dewan. I was awkward since I was the only boy on the stage..till En Hijazi, Mr Selva n Mr Arud joined us. And this is the first time the Principal and En Hijazi introduced Ifa and I to all evening students. Getting to know with each other was seriously fun and full of laughter...I mean with the teachers...(I wondered how it would have been getting to know with students..).. Been assigned to take over Sir Arud's classes (2C and 2D) plus two classes of Pendidikan Moral for En Hijazi (1C and 1E)...Oh boy...I was clueless..but I took it with open arms. ;p

The next day: All geared up for observations (SOP Report Part C). What a surprise!!! 2D was like a damaged hell!!! I cried behind Blok A (don't underestimate the feminine side of a guy!) Lucky for me that Auntie Liza was there to comfort me....She's like a mother I never had... Oh yeah, today is the day I witnessed my hopes and dreams went down the drain...'swoosh' just like that... ;(

The 3rd day: Another round of observation with 2C. It was a better hell I guess... Cool, at least, there were 4 or 5 students who wanted to learn... Cool... Suddenly, Sir Arud introduced me to the class.... With my 'poyo-ness' act; I spoke like some kind of freak who's blinded by the colors of 1 Malaysia...ahax... Nevermind...

The first Thursday: My very first official weekly meeting with all teachers. Out of nowhere, the Principal (Pn Hjh Mawarni) introduced the four of us; Nua, Ika, Ifa and I publicly... I felt like a celebrity...with the red carpet and warmth welcoming speech from everyone...cool.. Thanks for welcoming us! OK, this is the first time I walked in 2D to teach for real! They were so rude and the class was merely looking like a haunted zoo! There were gangs as well...I think...4 different gangs at least. Guess what, this was the first time I learn to SHOUT! But, it was a huge bitch slap for me...as they could not care less...(due to my shouts and babbling in English)...they just did not get my points...Seriously, it was a one way communication... I felt terribly defeated that day...so I cried and had a chat with Auntie Liza... The teachers also gave me some useful tips... Thanks for comforting me especially to Kak Irtiza, Kak Halijah, Kak Fiza, Kak Shikin, Kak Aizan and Kak Fadiah for comforting me that evening! It meant a lot for me...still do somehow.

My very first Friday: Pergh..I was tooooooo early. The school normally starts at 2.30pm and I was already there from 12pm. I was just curious...and it was my first time; performing Solat Jumaat at Masjid Sultan Alam Shah, Jalan Raja Jumaat. I went there with the kindness of Anuar who offered me a ride. Thanks Nua....for everything. Teaching was ok. This was my first encounter with teaching Pendidikan Moral (Form 1). Again, I was clueless and had zero idea on how to start the class... So, I got to know with my students... They were nice... I think my first lesson plan for moral is one hell of a crap... Oh boy, I am a majestic crap, I guess.

The summary of my first week: I did a terrible mistake for communication. There was no connection with students especially with 2D. The ice-breaking was a disaster. The class was upside down... SO, my hopes and dreams were farfetched from its original place. I crumbled during my first week. I went home; crying and hogging to my housemates...and I reset everything. EVERYTHING...

I think I have to stop here... I need to take my shower. Daa.

....to be continued...

time to say goodbye? so not fair...

Is it time already? Argh...what is this? This is freaking absurd.... Y do I have to say goodbye? SHould I?

I hate goodbyes...goodbye is just a polite word to say, "Maybe we'll c each other again, maybe not..."... It's not fair... SO, I won't say goodbye...

Oh my dear boys and girls (2C, 2D, 1C and 1E), U'll be seeing me again..next week...and the week after that..n God's willing, a week after that....Huhu... Plus, I am just nearby... I am not going anywhere though....So, don't be sad....

I love you...I love you I do... You guys have been great to me... I have learned a lot at SMKSI..in fact, I grew up. Thanx for the courage cikgu-cikgu...especially Kak Mala, Kak Abyan, Kak Fiza, Kak Shikin, Kak Aini, Kak Wan, Kak Fadiah, Kak Juita, Kak Najwa, Kak Fizi, Kak Naz, Kak Zana, Kak Ratna, Kak Azah, Kak Irtiza, PUAN Duba, Ms Yee Fun, Sir Arud, Sir Selva, Sir Selva Manoger, cikgu Ja'is, cikgu Amly, cikgu Ibrahim, Pn Asiah, Pn Hjh Mawarni, Cikgu Hijazi, Pn Rokiah, Pn Vicky, Pn Ratna Prema, Pn Suzy, and everyone! Too many names to b included..

The words may be small, but its sentimental......I LOVE YOU guys! You are the best! Halalkan semua makan minum, jamuan etc...Halalkan semue ilmu n tips tips....

Oh yeah, we'll meet again....for sure...;p

All the best to everyone.

Great...just great...

Hey, these few days really took a toll on me...well, that's life, isn't it?
Who are we without troubles and misery?
Everyone has their own problem...including ME...

Finally, I've learned the hideous truth about US:

XXX to niza: You should never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

niza to XXX: Yeah...my bad...sorry.

;(

S0MeonE to LoVe

SOmeone to love.....

Someone is missing someone
Someone is loving someone
Someone wants to love someone
Someone wants to be loved by someone

That someone is........myself..
That someone is........U..

;p

p/s - akibat keboringan...

Laugh chain...

Laughter is a universal language...;p..u don't hafto b genius to laugh... n it's CONTAGIOUS...

Brainy or Nutsy or Testicle-less???

AM I getting this right???

Ok...if somebody out of nowhere parks his car at your gate, is it a wise act? Is it?
Now it's blocking the cars for goodness sake!!!!
and...where's dis 'brainy' guy???
I have no idea!!!!!
I ought to go to the hospital bitch!!!!!!!!!!

Does my house look like a parking welfare to you?????
Move your hideous Livina a-hole!!!
Urghhhhhh....now its taking a toll on me!!!
Yhere goes my puasa....down the drain....
I AM EFFING LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you freaking nuts???? The gate is not closed..its WIDELY opened...does that mean something to you??? What is this??? Is it some kind of prank?????

I can see myself...having trouble to look for parking at the hospital afterwards....n thanx to you, someone is dying!!!!! BIIIITCH..................

yeah, yeah...that's Malaysian....Oh I remember, you suddenly remember to have some chat at your friend's house...n u've decided to park outside my house...n say.."it's ok, nobody's goin nowhere..." Can u at least leave some notes or whateva to let this NOBODY know???

(siiiiiigh)..(long sigh)..................

(yang tengah marah! - bile la makhluk tu nak kua amik kete dy???? Arghhh.....)

A prayer for mummy...

A prayer for mummy

Hope...
Dream...
Faith...

What more can U give?
What's left for us?
Is it for the very best or the very least?
That's it for us?

Thanx a million...
For the luxury of pleasant life...
Alhamdulillah, I cherish every single second talking to u to the gazillion...
and now the privilege is gone, no more surprise...

Emptiness fills the cell...
Is it heaven or hell?
Life is a damaged hell...
But, can we dwell?

Is there any hope left?
Is there any dream left?
I have faith in U...
and I have faith in u...

Hang in there mummy...
Be strong mummy...
We walk through this path together mummy...

Why do we itch?

Hoho...another day, a new beginning...heavenly normal as usual...dats me. It has been 3 times I made my medical checkup. Still, it's NOT H1N1...so guys, please don't maroon me!

Sometimes, I wonder why people itch. Why? I mite not come from MRSM but I need to know why... Am I that 'itchy'? In Malay, 'gatal' has some variation of meanings.
1. Skin itch
2. Eye infection itch
3. Being flirty
4. Dandruff itch
5. Gatal tangan

Hoho...so, why do we itch? I have no idea....

I am beyond happy at the moment...I don't know why, but I just am... Could it be....a symptom of itchiness as well? Hehe...gdik. Errrmmm.... Perhaps a kiss can cure my itchiness...muahahahahahahaha...

The truth is, I have no idea why I write this piece of crap...have fun everyone! Mmmuahhx...

Toodles ;p

Program Sinar Mahkota, H1N1 haywire...

Program Sinar Mahkota (PSM). Students are the "Mahkota" who needs to be lighten. Whoa....sounds great...awesome...it's just another name for the RELIEF duty...hehe...Argh...Borang PSM A, PSM B...I was already confused by the time PSM B was explained by the Principal.

Err...what should I write...no idea. Oh yeah, I must say..I am theoretically happy nowadays...but practically...hmmm...a bit daunting lately....hehe

Oh yeah, Sim Yee asked me: "lao shi meng tian ni yao yon shen me shu?"....Lucky Ifa was next to me. She translated to me..."Sir, esok nak bawa buku ape?"...So I replied; "Notebook and exercise book!" I love my students....they never fail to test me. Bring it on!

H1N1 haywire! Sabri (Form 4) was confirmed positive with H1N1 infection. I had direct contact with him while camping last week!!! OMG... As a matter of fact, he served us (campers) meals...for days. Ayoyo....

Thank goodness, the doctor told me; "Normal fever". It was just 36.7 degrees. Nevertheless, I am still aware of the situation...in case if it's getting worse. I am crossing my fingers not to get into another mess.

Love? Like I said..I am theoretically satiated but practicaly empty. It's ok...I am loving it. Kudos for me, yeah!

Toodles ;p

To the one who has been forgotten..

Goody goody... I have never appreciated the person... No matter how weak I am, that person will stand next to me... It has been months (still counting)...since we last involved in love.

I have ignored you. I have abandoned you. Still, you want to be with me. Why? I thought we agreed to go on separate paths. Are you still in love with me? Are you?

You have been so tenderly sweet to me. You always are. I can't do this. It reminds me of those good old days.

I have not forgotten about you... You left a mark in my heart years ago. But, I am different now. I have become strong. I have grown up.

I know you still care. I love you too. Thanx for asking; "How do you do?" everyday. I will listen to you from now on. I'll drink my orange juice...anything for you.

Thanx for staying by my side. I am sorry if I have forgotten about you for so long. I am here now.

Toodles ;p

...of love and lust...

Hmmm...what is happening niza? The world keeps spinning no matter how slow people move! Switch to the fast lane!

The flow is there, but the passion is fading away...grab it fast! I want to rock my nights but...I am just a shy boy who plays the minutest part in this game.

I am not a booby. I know how things work around here. Its either love or lust. We can't have it both way. Errr, perhaps we can...Shall we give it a try? (Thinking)

What hurts the most is when you leave me without me knowing, without considering how I feel. It's unfair for me...where's the love? Don't just walk away without informing..I need to prepare myself...I can't fly with this broken wings babe....T_T

Talk to me, dance with me! Please be real to me! Hug me till dawn! It's a walking disaster, being uncertain whether you will catch me when I fall or not...Hold my hands, love!

Is it just love or another hanky panky lust? Both give me inner strength. This little voice is screaming out loud for U to listen. Where did I go wrong? Am I playing with fire? Am I giving my soul to the lusty demon?

I am you, as you are me! We play equal role in this game...be fair to me, please.

I am a simple boy, take pride of what I am. I have passion for loving and kissing. I am trying to be kind and real. I am learning to love again...after those dark years of misery. Spare me some room to change. I love you, I do.

Please don't resign yet. I am not ready. If it's my turn, I am darn sick of keeping the tears of yesterday! I will throw it away as today is a new beginning. I love you, I do.

Why are we so close, yet so far away from each other? Are you keeping a huge distance from me? Why? Am I not good enough for u? Give me a reason..

U used to be my sweet angel...what is happening? What is happening to us? You got me in too deep. I love you, I do.

p/s - Argh...I hate this fever...it makes me moody....that's why I'm writing this crap. I am feeling so weak...horrid!

Toodles ;p

Zero idea

Argh...this slight fever, sore throat, runny nose and headache make me moody at times.

I hate this. I feel obliterated already.

Sometimes, I want to flip 180 to the ground. Thinking about; overextending problems...(sigh).

Can someone just love me sincerely and hold me dearly? It's just one love which I am asking for...

Oh yeah, I have zero idea on what to write for my past event; Camping at Hutan Konservasi Hidupan Liar, Sungai Dusun, Kuala Kubu Baru. Too many things to mention...and I am afraid that I will miss camping with students...uwaaa....

I wish there will be no goodbyes at the moment...please don't leave me... If you feel me, come and wrap your hands around me. Will you hold my hands, please??? Will it be endless?

Oh boy, it is just my cloudy dream. (Period)

toodles.

A Cloudy Dream....

My Cloudy Dream

Oh sunlight...
U used to shine thru my windows..
Where r you now?

It's a rainy day...
The day I found out...
I am nothing but a crying cloud.

It has been raining outside...
The pain, the sore...
Made my heart torn.

Tell me sunlight, tell me...
Am I just a stepping stool?
Am I just a natural disaster?

Oh rainy day...
This rain can't stop pouring...
Knowing that U have already left.

Please stop this illogical swinging rain.
My eyes r itchy, my eyes r swollen.
The day we kissed, this heart has been stolen.

This cloud needs an alarm!
Warn me before you strike me, lightning!
Stop poking me, lightning.

Someday we'll have what we wanted...
Someday we'll all live forever...
Someday we wont be so tired...
Someday we wont say never...

But, it's just a cloudy dream.

goodbye sunlight.

Week 7, Day 3...Blackout!

29 July 2009. Wednesday. As soon as I finished blocking some teachers cars, I went to the office. No electricity!!!! No way........................

Argh...it was a steamy day in the teachers room. Even the principal had to cancel 1.10pm class because it was blazing hot! Yeah, no kidding. I could not stop hand-fanning myself...swoooosh...

Puan Nirmala and I were gossiping about some school matter....hmmm, I think she was complaining on her kid's school for asking them to buy some hardware stuffs on their own (KH). Hehe...

Nadiah asked me: "Cikgu, ade khemah x?" Me; "Nope, x de la nadiah, nape?". "Ala, saye xnak la tido dgn dorang....". Hmmm.... That was weird. And awkward. Haha.

I have established my fierceness (again) with 1C. I punished them fairly today. Guess what, they behaved throughout my periods! WOW. When Yunothan asked me; "Sir, why are you doing this to us?", I just replied; "Tell you the truth, I don' know what to teach you guys today (smiling+giggling)". Then, both of us were laughing. Seriously, I had migraine due to the steaminess in the blazing sun. Thus, I had no idea what to teach...the best I could do was to get them behave...and it worked!!! Oh yeah, I also punished them to sing "Keranamu Malaysia" in front of the hall (in one row). It's like a choir going on.... They were all like; "Cikgu, tak mau la...malu maa...". And I just said; "It's ok, suare kamu semue kan sedap...hah, nyanyilah...." The funniest part was when Sim Yee said; "Cikgu, ini bukan merdeka maa!!!"....Muahahahahahhahaha...I love you guys, but you need to behave..not just to me, to other teachers as well!

Later in the evening, I was visited by three beautiful people; Zafi, Yara and...'can't remember her lovely name'. They were observing me teaching 2C. Aiyya... I had no idea what to teach... I just taught them "How to write a dialogue". It was easy...since they all said...."Yes, yes, yes..." throughout the lesson. (Sigh)

The worst part was when I drove back home. It was darn congested. At 7.08pm, I was still in Klang...still some miles away from the construction area! Why? Why? So, I stucked in the congested sea...with so many expensive fish-cars....for I don't know how long...

Toodles ;p

p/s - I am counting my days for the camp. Yooohoo...

Week 7, Day 2...I love you too, pretty girls...

Hirashini: "Hye handsome boy!"
Me: "Hye pretty girls.."(to all girls there) ;p

28 July 2009. Tuesday. Hirashini and Joanne greeted me. It's nice to have you guys around (even though you skipped my assignments!). Guys like you who make me smile at the end of the day...mostly..hehe...I love you too, pretty girls!

Today? Hmm..nothing much happened today except 2D was scared of me! I had no idea why..I guess, it's because of yesterday's event...How unfortunate..Ahax...How I wish you guys can behave like this everyday. Even more surprising was: Raja and Hasrul were in the class even though they were 'DIREHATKAN' till this Thursday.

I taught them grammar, SUCCESSFULLY! Wow...I am impressed with myself...I guess, it takes me to kick all desks to get you guys learn, ayte..ahahahahha...

I have also relieved 2C and 2E today. Hmm..Should I say; FUN?! DEFINITELY! I taught Mathematics for 2C. It was about geometrical construction and the perpendicular bisector by just using pencil and a pair of compass etc etc... Lucky I still memorized how to...(based on my MM and LK knowledge). I love teaching them those stuffs...It was fun.

Dr. Izaham canceled his plan to come today. Huhu. I have informed him that I will not be teaching this Friday..because, I will be off to Sungai Dusun at 3pm.

Mr Selva was furious (mengamuk) today. Seriously, I have never seen him, in such anger. It was one of my student; Vickneswaran (2D) who was rude, I think. Pity both of them.

That's all for now. Toodles ;p

Week 7, Day 1...I need another lifeline!

It's Monday, 27 July 2009. My day went perfect with 2C. I taught them literature (successfully). We were role-playing today. It was fun, wasn't it? Hehe... I told you guys ;p Hehe..

It was darn irking, waiting in the teachers room...without any relief! I wanted my relief! Hmm...as I recall, it would be a disaster if I were given relief duties...NOT ANYMORE! I am craving for relief duties.........yummy....Give me more!

Today, I hang out with 'Puan-Puan' (Pn Azah, Pn Noraizan, Pn Noraini and some others). We were chatting and chatting and gossipping about school and stuffs. It was funny, noticing how one thing leads to another...and another... It started from "Babies and stuffs" until "Scott's Emulsion". Don't ask me anything..I have no idea myself....

Then, jeng jeng jeng... I found out that MOST of my 2D students were absent. When I asked around, they said; "Mereka DIREHATKAN". What's that suppose to mean..Oh, its another word for "DIGANTUNG". Ayya...How was I suppose to teach?

Fine, I explained in depth Chapter 9 (The Phantom of the Opera) for the first period. Suddenly, some students were fighting! HARDCORE. Now it has became a serious issue. It has became a racial agenda. DAMN! I hate this. I was not prepared for this. When I went to the office, looking for the PSP book, they were begging me (like kitties begging for milk) not to 'grant' them any penalty point. "Cikgu, kalu cikgu bagi penalti, nanti saye kene buang sekolah...."

Even worse. I could not hold my fury for a minute or two. I scolded them, I shouted and I kicked the desks. I felt bad for the others who wanted to learn (yeah right, who am I kidding? Nobody listened). It was seriously like a cage-fight! Shafiq VS Singh! 12 seconds later, they were joined by Epul and Firdaus Semaon. 13 seconds later, Geethan, Bala and Kishok joined them! What was that???????????????????

Gosht, I need another lifeline. I need a saviour. I need you. I hope they will not make any mess with me tomorrow.

On my way to my car -- Some teachers told me; "Niza, garangnye awak awak tadi....sampai syafiq lari keluar kelas....". Me?..."Taklah, syafiq lari sebab dy ingat saye nak report kat cikgu Hijazi...saye just nak amik buku PSP je..."...Others?.."Sabarla niza, kami pun da tekanan mental layan bebudak 2D tu..."

Hmmmm...I know I can control 2D...when they are noisy and minorly misdemeaning. BUT, FIGHTING and RACIAL FIGHT are serious crimes! Help me, somebody....please.....T_T

U made my day ;p

Hehe...thank you dear.
U really made my day.
Thanx for the treat...
Thanx for the kiss...
Thanx for tonight...

B happy and smile dear.
Ur a sweet person, yup.
Ahax...thanx again ;p

Till we meet again ;p

Week 6 (20-24 July 2009)

Everyday is a new day now. With challenges pouring, I'll just keep my poker face straight.

It was a bit poky though...I mean, with some new teachers coming in... Oh yeah, last week was about 'blocking'. I have blocked some teachers' cars and mine was blocked by some teachers. It's funny somehow. I guess the school is too poky now.

Nithiya? Oh, what a lovely gift. She gave me a key chain with my name on it. Nice. Sha also taught me some useful Tamil expression for me to survive. The funniest part was when she said; "Alaga irukinge!"..It means; "Kamu ini cantiklah!" Ahax... "Illege! Nithiya..." It means.."taklah! Nithiya" Muahahahaha...Nandri for teaching me those.

What else? Meetings. On Thursday, I have strained myself to sit in the meeting room from 12.30pm - 4.30pm. WOW. Actually, it was a two meetings pack. Weekly meeting + Co-Curricular Meeting. OMG, I still cannot believe the fact that I need to be the 'Penolong Kem Komandan'..Muahahahhaha...Nuar, I am depending on you tho....

Friday? Oh...interesting. I have relieved 2C for 5 periods, non-stop! But it was easy...I just got them to watch a movie; Stepmom. Hahahahha...served you right guys.... I have informed Puan Vickneswari the day earlier...and she said..."Thanx Niza, you'll do me a favour if you take over my periods". Her periods were actually after my English periods with 2C. So, altogether: 1 period (Agama)+2 periods (English)+2 periods (Sejarah)=5.

I taught them "Akhlak - Wawasan Ibadah" during my relief duty for Pn Fadiah. Ahahahahaha....it was fun. Hairian did not write anything in his book...T_T. Nadiah was in that class as well, she asked me; "Cikgu, bile nak date dengan saye?" I just ignored her. The best part was when they earlier planned to skip Agama's class. BUT, when they saw me in Bilik Agama, they were like; "Eh tak jadi pontengla, cikgu niza ganti la...." I was like...dam, dam, dam, dam (Heavenly sounded myself). It was fun...until they requested to have an early recess. T_T

I guess, it is not bad after all to be a teacher at that school. There will be ups and downs. That is life. The point is for you to look for fun while working.

That's a wrap for Week 6. Now I can flip the next page of the attendance sheets..yippie! ;p

Toodles ;p

Week 5, Day 5+6...Sensual!

It was Friday, 17 July 2009. The exam was over. Everyone was looking forward to collect their marks. The students, I mean.

Chen Yi, Mei Kha, Singh, Wei Xin, Yong Chuan, Kaushalya were asking for theirs. Where are the Malays? Hmmm.... I have just finished marking their papers, just now....;p Only one person from 2C scores A. Nobody from 2D scores A. Whoa. That is something.

Argh...the Remove Class, again! I did some games with them and they loved it for the first period. Then, they asked to go for an 'early' recess. Ayya.... I have failed to make them stay in the class...SO, they were wandering around...like homeless people, begging for food. That's weird. Koo Kah Poh was the most notorious boy in that class. So, I punished him..(hehe, not really). I played with him some kind of language riddle game...and he lost. SO, he had to stay as promised.

What else? Oh, I think that's all for that day.

..................

18 July 2009. Saturday. It's my very first LADAP day! "Latihan Dalam Pengurusan". The topic was.."Effective Leadership". It was fun...seriously! I thought it was going to be extremely boring...But, it turned out...to be more than fun!

Mr Sharizan is from Unit Kaunseling JPS (Jabatan Pelajaran Selangor). He was so cooooool. When he did the PERASA (pembimbing rakan sebaya) thing, obviously, all teachers showed their childish behaviour....I missed seing those hanky panky actions anyway.

Errm...how to describe it...SENSUAL. Yup. When Cikgu Amly returned tha 'favor' for me, I was like....'alamak'.... Cikgu Arud has been naughty too....toing toing. Thanks for the treat sir!

SUddenly, all teachers enjoyed watching our 'sensual' action. It was actually part of the program. I was hugging my mentor, Mr Arud. We were like, inseparable....more like the father-son hug. I must say...I love it...

The food? Remarkable.... Feels like attending some kind of Malay wedding ceremony. Thanks everyone...and thanks to Ms Liza for he willingness to have lunch with me. Miss Liza; "Niza, I think you better go and eat with your teachers la...I think they are looking at us now...". Me; "Naah, no need. So?"

p/s - I don't care what people think when I sat and had lunch with the Mak Guard. SO what????

Toodles ;p

Week 5, Day 4...I love you teacher!

16 July 2009. "I love you teacher!".

"Yes, I love you too then, thank you." That actually made my day. Pssst, I have no idea who that was anyway...;p

The day started off by me submitting the SOP report. Yeah. They were like..."Assalamualaikum YB..." Darn..I hate wearing batik inside the Faculty of Education!

12.20pm. 10 more minutes before the weekly meeting. Uhuuu... Ok. Today's deal was...err...mostly about H1N1. "p/s - kuat betul cikgu ghani burp tadi...hnsss..."

My first stop was 2D. They were busy finishing their piece of arts (PS paper). Sigh. Period. If only they could do the same for English, that would be...(pling pling...- sound from heaven)

3.00pm. I distributed the ICT exam papers for 2D. Chaotic. They were asking me.."What's this, what's that"...and bla, bla, bla... Me? "Oh, let me check ok...err, its NANMA!". Them? "Huh, ape ni cikgu???"..."It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS"...ahax. Did I have a second thought? Naaa, why should I give them the answers???

Later, my class was taken over by Puan Azah. She shouted here and there to keep students focused and stop asking questions. Lalalalala. I love you 2D. (T_T)

Today, I have learned that Sharil's father (2G) is a wealthy guy. Sharil actually has a brother who studies during the morning session. His brother is in form 5 if I am not mistaken. I was informed that his brother belongs to some kind of gangters in Klang. Ooooo...scary. Well, that's normal for this school.

I had a relief duty with the Remove Class. Urgh. Again? Hehe... But....it turned out ok this time. They were behaving and remained in the class as I gave them some games to play with. Suddenly, my last 5 minutes bacame haywire when they suddenly picked a fight. It was a fight between 'the' Indian boy and 'that' Chinese boy...haha, not that you know them ayte...;p So I asked them to go to En Hijazi's room to sort things out. Hmmm...why my last 5 minutes, why????

I had a good day...thanks to my mentor; Mr Arud. He said.."Nice game cikgu niza...it seems like these students keep requesting it, even from me...is it taken from NST?"..."Definitely sir!"..."Maybe I should try it too la, may I?"..."By all means sir..". I love the fact that he loves to comfort me...whenever I face problems in teaching his students. I love listening to his tips and advices. He has that father-like figure to me. Thanx Papa...;p uiks..

I love everyone at my school...I love you dearly....Thanks for having me there! TQ TQ TQ.

Toodles ;p

Week 5, Day 3... Excellent!

15 July 2009. The second day of Penilaian Kurikulum 2 SMKSI.

First stop was...Puan Hjh Mawarni's room... I opened my record book..."EXCELLENT". Wow...Thank you Puan! "Relief classes - excellent!" Yippie. A comment from Mr Hijazi; "Good!"....Uwaaa.... I am so excited. That makes my day ;p

Then, 1E. The paper was..."Mathematics". Muahahahaha...Today, I have established my authority in front of those kids... I think they were scared....hehe..come on guys, I won't eat you. I refused to distribute their exam papers until they behave and clean up the class... Tadaa... I did not shout today... I just kicked one of the desks really hard and made them clean up the mess. Them? Aha...they were scared and behaved. I started the exam 10 minutes late. Anil and Durugen complained a bit... Do I look like I care???? It's not that they care anyway....So?

The class went silent till the end of the paper. Seriously. Cool. Thank goodness.

Today, I hang out with En Hijazi (Noon Supervisor), En Amran (Senior Assistant 2) and En Ali (Counselor) at the canteen. They talked about grown up stuffs...It's not fair..."Ala cikgu, mane aci, saye pun nak tau ape maksud cikgu dgn 'berus sabut' tu??" I am guessing it has something to do with sexually implicit stuff. Seriously guys, what is the meaning of 'berus sabut' when someone wants to 'sleep'..???...Oh ok, Now I get it..I get it.... Darn...lucahnye.

The next stop was 2C... It's 'Pendidikan Islam/Moral' time. Debish.... I think I have helped them a lot answering the questions... Come on guys... It's easy. Takkan tak ingat kot name malaikat....Hoho...

Today, I have learned that: Students tend to be influenced with what teachers do. Puan Noraizan told me that some students claimed that I am ok with whatever they do...Hmmm...Since when? As far as I recall, I told my students that I just wear T-shirt at home... Suddenly, they said its ok to wear T-shirt (round neck) at school because Sir Niza said its ok... Huh??? Come on, I am a professional... I don't do those kind of stuff.... Be smart guys when you use my name...hello...is anybody listening?

I have also made friend with a boy from 2G. His name is Sharil. He originally comes from Sempoerna, Sabah. He can't read well and he can't write/spell well. Well, that explains why he is in 2G. He is a good boy. He told me that his father has a severe heart ailment. I feel sorry for him. He seems to be independent though and he does not mix with his classmates well. When I ask why, they said; "Dia pelik la cikgu...x pandai cakap melayu..." So, I offered Sharil help whenever he needs it... I promise I'll be there for you Sharil. Let's work this out together ok. ;p

Soon as I entered 2G (relief), they were clapping and pleasing the previous teacher to leave the class. They were cheering for me... Why???? No wonder, they were asking the answers from me... Fikri, NO! Puah, NO!, Azlina, "Awak memang x nak jawab langsung ke???"... They rebelled... They left their papers without filling in the answers... (Sigh)

Mr Arud thanked me for correcting him regarding his answer scheme. No problem sir..."Sir, can you help me with this, I don't know how to give marks for summary section". "Ok, no problem niza, let's mark the papers together later, ok....".. Cool... I love that idea... I love you Sir Arud!

Well, that's all for now. I love my school no matter how bad the students are. They are not bad, they are just kids. On top of all, they are my boys and girls! I'll ask Raja Faiz (2D) to sing me a song next week....wait and see....;p

Toodles ;p

Week 5, Day 2...Culture shock!

14 July 2009. Culture shock. Wow. I have never seen and experienced exam with such mess. I mean, its weird. Is this what they call exam in SMKSI????!

Earlier on, I had a meeting (Mesyuarat Khas Disiplin/Program Masih Ada Yang Sayang) with all noon teachers, including Mrs Principal. Wow...so many 2D students in that list (problematic students). WOW! Am I supposed to be frightened? Naa... I am ok with it now. It's the norm there.

The exam??? OMG...its like a triple OMG already! I wonder how they can possibly answer the questions with such noise. It's worse than the typical daily class. They were like making excessive noise...They were walking here and there...completely free! When I shouted, they were sitting properly...just for 5 minutes. I thought I have failed for my classroom management... But, it turned out....everyone was facing the same problem. Even the senior teachers too. Cool...errr... Dang me dang me...

Sejarah. The paper consists of 40 questions. Some subjectives and some MCQs. Most of 2E students answered all questions in just 15 minutes. When I looked at one of the answers...Rahimi: "British telah memerintah Tanah Melayu selama TEBU...." Tebu???? What on earth is that? Come on guys, nak tembak pun, biarla logik sket....

KHB. Shin Jean: "Paku ferus ialah dari jenis BOTOL AIR." Huh??? What is wrong with you guys??? Seriously, I had migraine just now.... It's an utter shock for me!

When I reported to Mr Selva, he simply said.."Niza, I've been teaching here for 10 years. Let me tell you aa, this school is 'different'. They are not interested in studies. They could not be bothered with whatever punishment we give." I was like..."Yeah, no kidding sir...."

Seriously, what is wrong????? This is EXAM guys! Be serious!!!! Naa..who am I kidding right... Let's just say...it's one of my lucky days at SMKSI.

Today, I confronted a girl...ops, I am sorry, I can't expose her name here. She flirted with me weeks ago. She even asked me to have sex with her. So I asked her, "Kenape awak mcm ni??? Awak form 2..."..and yadda yadda yadda... Today, I have learned that she became addicted to sex since Standard 6. STANDARD 6! She was raped! Pathetic+Sadistic! Ok...I think that's all before I spill more details. Let it be a secret. I am sorry for her though. T_T

Now, you can imagine how extreme my school is, right. Like they say, never judge a book by its cover. DEFINITELY! ABSOLUTELY!

Urghhhhh..culture shock, culture shock...migraine, migraine......

That's all for now, toodles ;p

Week 5, Day 1...so, so what???

13 July 2009. It's Monday. During the weekly assembly, I sat next to the new teacher; Ms Dubashini...she told me some jokes during her first week teaching....LOL..You'll get use to it dear.

First stop was 2C. It's revision day (according to my lesson plan). Yup. I gave them some practices on "Meaning in context". They kept asking me questions...gazillions of them. "Come on guys, there's only one ME. and..where are your dictionaries???" Hmmm....

1.45pm. I had to leave the class...and I've put Man Man (Double M) in charge of the class. I had to attend a meeting with the principal (Mesyuarat Jawatankuasa Hari Perkhemahan Unit Beruniform). Ika, Ifa and Nuar were already there...I guess, I was a bit late...sorry, duty comes first everyone!

What a surprise. Nuar and I will be in charge of the 'komandan' thingy...and also the safety of the students. Gosht.... That's not just about it. All trainees will also need to handle the 'ice-breaking' session. Ika and Ifa are the 'malam kebudayaan' ladies. Bestnye korang! Uwaaa....Nevertheless, I must say..I am pretty excited though.

The camping will officially start on Friday, 31 July 2009 till 2 August 2009, Sunday. Where? Oh yeah..."Hutan Reservasi Hidupan Liar, Sg. Dusun, Kuala Kubu Baru"... I have no idea where is that...but it's in Selangor for sure.

Yippie...my last 'perkhemahan'.....errr... I think it was in Form 3...was it Ekhwan? Yup..I think so. So, I am looking forward for this camping...free meals...mandi manda....yeay!!!!

I got no relief duty today. I was a bit sad...The fact that I had nothing to do...this resulted to my bad sleeping manner in the teacher's room...Haiz, how I wish one of my students would come and massage me so I won't sleep.

5.35pm. 2D. Yup..I still engaged my MEAN method. I asked them if they bring their handouts...5% only! WOW. Balamurali asked for extra copy. "NO!" I already gave you...so I did something bad to him (I am sorry, I can't expose it here). Low Sheng Loong sneaked behind me and 'stole' a piece of handout from my plastic bag. I went to him. I grabbed the paper and I tore the paper in two pieces. "Puas hati??" The class went silent for a while..."Korang x nak buat, xpe...tp jangan jadi bodoh boleh x?" I had no idea why I said that. SO I wrote all answers on the board. "Jayanthi, where's your paper???". "I forgot to bring la sir". "Ok, next time, you don't have to come to my class...". Lucky that Jayanthi has begged me for forgiveness. I was glad that all Chinese girls did the homework given and they were so eager to know the answers. Good job guys.

"Raja, would you like to learn something today??". "Xpe la cikgu, saye duk senyap2 kat sini". and he started to sing Bunkface's song at the back. "Ko xnak blajar xpe, please get out...". But he stayed. And the crappy, old 'radio' went off.

Jeng jeng jeng. Suddenly, I caught somebody bringing porn CDs to the class. I was a bit furious. So I asked all of them to get out from the class and I did my own spot check. Guess what, there were some CDs, x-rated CDs in the pink bag! I have thrown their bags at the back of the class. I guess they hated me so much that time. I asked them to come in and collect their bags. I see, the CDs belong to one of the Indian girls. SO I asked; "Sape punye ni????" Nobody admitted anything. SO I broke the CDs in two pieces. There were 3 CDs. "Puas hati??? AKu tau sape pnye....so what if it's porn??? So??? Ko nak simpan, simpan kt rumah sudah la...lantak la, malas aku nk campur". I then asked two of the prefects to carry the broken CDs to Mr Selva (noon discipline teacher).

Later, I made them playing a language game. I had to force them somehow... No kidding. After a series of 'sudden shock' just now. Drama, drama. Only 88% participated. The rest? I guess, they went out already. Good. Just great. I created the game, consisting some clues for their exam. They did not know... I wish somebody will recall the puzzle as they answer the questions (exam).

I then reported my days to my mentor. He looked at me and said, "Niza, I've been there.... Just do whatever you think it's right, I don't mind... The kids aa, they don't like to learn... That's just it." So, I don't feel any guilt treating 2D like that. (HELL sound, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, muahahahahaha)

That's all for my 'dreamy' Monday.

Toodles ;p

Week 4, Day 1 - Day 5 T_T

Week 4. 6-10 July 2009. It started off pretty blissfully with 2C. (Heaven sound, Tadaaa)... Yup...it's a good day..it was....till 2D played its part. Hmmm... They were just so rude. How annoying. That's my Monday blues.

Tuesday. What??? 2D again? I've begged my mentor not to walk in 2D again...because they just don't want to listen! He laughed and said.."Niza, tell you something...I've been there, done that.." Hoho...seems like he's already 'patah hati' with 2D. Good for you guys!

I still can't believe for myself when they vocally 'assault' me; "Ala, cikgu makan gaji buta la mcm ni....". WOW! (In front of the teacher's room) I replied; "Kepala hotak ko!!! I've provided everything, I photocopied everything with my OWN money...and what did you do?? You throw them away...buang kertas2 tu, koyakkan...!!!" How dare them....T_T..ops..this is one of my Monday blues actually...

Pass. Wednesday. Yippie...no 2D today! It's 1C, 1E and 2C. For Moral, I taught them Chapter 17, Menjaga Alam Sekitar. As homework, I asked them to draw a poster...ahax... For 2C....I did a recap for my Summary lesson on Monday. Good job guys!

Thursday. 2D again...Uwaaa...can somebody please jab me with a small pin, pleaseee... After the meeting... I started my MEAN treatment to them. Suddenly I have became a bitchy guy. Whenever they ask something, I just reply in a cold manner. Suits them however. Only with that, I noticed they finally listen! Hmm... "X nak blajar sudah..., malas aku nak layan ko". For 2D, I had to use "Aku", "Ko".

Friday. Gosht. Dr Izaham came to observe me. It's a double observation day! Together with my mentor; Mr Arud, they observed me. It's 2C. Thank goodness! Wow. They were actually well-behaved. I was surprised that even Farid remained on his seat, without moving anywhere like his typical behavior. Thank you guys. So, I got a good review from both of them; my supervisor and Mr Arud. After the review/reflection part, Dr Izaham gave me a simple gift which he bought from Barcelona. Thank you sir!!!!

Oh boy. Every dark cloud has its silver lining. That's my silver lining for week 4 I guess.

It's been a month already....zip zap boing...

Well, that's a wrap for week 4 and also for Month 1!

Toodles ;p

Money, Money, Money..

Yes...money...Who does not need it? Liar!

Money makes the world go round! It's a little bit funny knowing the fact that we can't live without money..True. No money, no talk...shhhhhh! Shut up...get out of this premise! I'm telling you the truth, I can't live without money...

People say: Money is not everything! Darn, that's a lie... They have made money from that saying! Ok..that's not the issue.. Everyone is money minded!

The thing is, what do we do with the money? Why do we need it so bad? All of us need money to live, to breathe and to gain weight! Most of us (including me) need money to buy things we barely need...Some of us use money to get more money...Some needs money to cover the 'leak' on the 'pipe'. Bottom line is, people need money to survive.

Now, is it fair if someone use a person or persons (only God knows how many) to get money? Frankly, I have heard that people use money to get someone..True. However, using people to get money is....somewhat irreverent to me!

I don't know about them..They might feel it's ok for them..not me babe, not me... Even if it's just a small piece of RM50, naah..that won't work on me... Only idiots do that... Hmm...on the other flip side of a coin, I think it's brilliant! Brilliante!

Obviously, simplicity works here. You meet new people every week. You hang out with them, claim that you need some money to pay whoever shit they are...and those people you just met give you some money...and you leave them... The next day, they are history...

Feels good isn't it??? Yes it is...taste the luxury of knocking on people's heads. Wow...good for you...good for you. It won't work on me...Not here, not now, NEVER! You've dragged yourself in this mess, clean it yourself...It's time to grow up! So, grow up!

Money, money, money..it's so funny...it's a rich men's world. Nope, not you... I am sure you've heard about karma. Save yourself then. Be good and breathe well. I don't want to tell you what's right and what's not..you are big enough to think the most common sense thing in the world. So, live it... Come on, you're not 12, ARE you???

Ok then, I have shouted at you...great. I'm sorry for that. It's because I care! Thanx for the 'treat', my friend.

Peace ;p

Week 3, Day 4 and 5...cute ;p

2 July 2009. I got some relief classes..with some form 1 and 2 classes. Pheww...it's tiring..but fruitful...

I did some games today...I changed the level and the content.... I also gave some riddles.

2D...I taught them Chapter 8 Phantom of the Opera and I gave them a quiz. Ayyoyo...two periods of misery..Why? Most of them did not finish a thing!!!! Hmmm...(sigh). Obviously, they don't have any interest to learn.

If it's hard, how come 4 students from 2D scored 20/20???! I have simplified everything...

Think Niza, think....

.............

3 July 2009. It's Hari Prestasi. I saw parents coming in and dropped by at school... They have been presented with their kids' report cards.

I was assigned for 1E. E. 90% of them scored E for most subjects. Some even got lower than 10%! I was shocked.

Anyway, I have made friends today. Meet Anildeep Singh. He is utterly nice and sweet. His sister is gorgeous...ahax... His full name is..Anildeep Singh a/l Ambar Jek Singh if I am not mistaken. Then, meet Durugenthiaran and Moganna. They come from St. Barnabas Home, Klang... I felt sorry hearing their story...Pity them...The grass is not always green on the other side. Oh, don't forget the cute Tan Jia Jun. Ayyo... Terrible. He was scolded by his mom (due to his extremely poor result), yet..he laughed...and laughed... Psycho.

Yes, I also met Faiz and Meor...and their parents... Cool... But I am tired... Have to go now...

Toodles..;p

p/s - Finally, dapat jugak tgk Transformers td...busy kot.....;p