Pheww...

Phewww... after struggling and many series of hardships going through retrieving the password for ths blog, I MADE IT!

I think it is rusty now. 

Anyway, I have safely arrived from my  eight-hour MH135 flight from Kuala Lumpur to Brisbane last Thursday (19 Feb 2015). Alhamdulillah. Now that I have made my decision to stay here for at least a year and half, I have to figure out my ways to fit in, don't I?! 

The University of Queensland, Australia (St. Lucia Campus). Yup, that is the glorious place I have set my mind on. As big as the name, I have to struggle to meet their expectation... not to mention the one from MARA too.

It is a big campus! There are nearly 60, 000 people here! 30% of them are populated by international students. I am one of those.

What I have gone through?

- I had to squat and cause trouble to some Malaysian students (mainly INTEC & Taylor's students).

They are bunch of cool kids. Million thanks to Adri, Hairul etc for having me over. I feel bad though for making this house super crowded.

- I went on looking for houses. Ahaa.. I must tell you, it is a big hassle especially if you are aiming for a nearby and cheap place. There were times when it looked successful but at the end the deal(s) had to be put off due to some reasons (some owners prefer Christians, some have dogs, some drink...etc.)

- Out of depression, I think I am going to settle for this house (316 Sir Fred Schonell Drive). It is a good deal (110AUD/week) and it is just a 6-10-minute walking distance to the campus. One drawback of this is just the house is filled with my own people. Errm, not that it is bad but I honestly think, if you wish to improve your English, you have to mix with people from all parts of the globe. Plus, it is an opportunity of a lifetime to be here! So, you have to grab it and expand your horizon. Oh well, I will try my best to fit in with them for a while..or maybe I will force them to USE English. Or else, I might have to look for other options.. huhu

- Food. It is not that hard to look for Halal food. However, you have to be careful and read the labels extra carefully. All ingredients are labeled and it is good that you can check whether they are Halal or not. Pheww, Australia is a country that considers its people, regardless of any religions/cultures/races.

- Friends. I am coping my level best by making friends with...pretty much everyone. My first Indonesian friend here is Taruna. My first Sri Lankan friend is Shamu. My first Spain friend is Eric. My first Indian friend is Sachin. Then I met Shawn, a Chinese, Lily from Canada and Azri, Ammar, Aiman, Fakhri, Bukhari, Nabihah and Leong (Malaysia).

- Unstable emotion. This is mostly due to how much I miss you buddy! Seriously, I miss you soooooo freaking much. The days before I left were well spent. We did everything together. I mean, EVERYTHING!!! Now, the thought of going through this on my own... I don't know for how long I can bare with it. Everyday, every night.. I keep thinking about you. Though we are thousand miles apart, but I believe we are so connected in hearts. I love you. I miss you. XOXO

Oh boy, it is almost 12 midnight now here in Brisbane. I better go and hit my la la land now. Tomorrow is a hectic day, still. 

Toodles.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Hey there bloggy,

It's been a while, isn't it... Well, here I am now... Each day is a struggle for me now... I don't know how to cope with my feelings once I'm gone. I hope I am strong enough not to cry. Hey, I am leaving for a good reason, aren't I? Don't worry buddy, I will always remember you. When I come back, you will be the first person whom I would like to see. I'll hug you real tight that day. Please don't forget me buddy. I love you.

Anyway, I think I haven't posted some of my favorite tracks for a while now. This is definitely one of my favorites. Come to think of it, many of us love this wonderful song. It's called "Leaving on a Jet Plane" (written in 1966), performed by John Denver. Of course, you can find thousands making cover on this one but what's better than the original, right?!

Here it goes...

John Denver - Leaving on a Jet Plane

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go I'm standin' here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say goodbye But the dawn is breakin' It's early morn The taxi's waitin' He's blowin' his horn Already I'm so lonesome I could die
So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down So many times I've played around I tell you now, they don't mean a thing Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring
So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you One more time Let me kiss you Then close your eyes I'll be on my way Dream about the days to come When I won't have to leave alone About the times, I won't have to say
Oh, kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go
But, I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go

Still can't...

Battling. Struggling. Trying my best to hide this stupid feeling. Sucks. It still hurts. It does.

But I'm trying my best to cope.. it's okay. I'll try harder.

Note to self: it's okay..it's okay

Ya Allah, if only he knows how difficult this is for me... let me please have the strength to go through this, ameen...

😂😅😢😟😳😶

I remember...

I remember...
 
20 July 2014. I went silent. All the way. Cold. Something went off. The soothing air we breathed in Kelantan could not soothe my heart. I was furious. I was angry at myself. I was angry because I could not control my over zealous feeling for you. I was angry because I felt so close with you yet so far from you. I felt jealous for the attention you gave to someone else (you know who). I was stupid. I was foolish. I was silent. You were hurt. You cried. You burst into tears. You could not endure my cold-swing responses. After many months spent with you, that was my first time crying hard in front of you. Thank you for making me cry and sorry for the tears I caused you that night. I remember.

6 Aug 2014. The day I lost my way. I took a wrong turn. I thought the road I took was going to be a smooth ride but I was wrong. The love I felt (which I still feel) was over the top that even a flick of small thing made me jealous and out of control. I was jealous of the attention you gave that person (you know who). I was jealous because I know I will be your past and that person will definitely be your future. One day, I will just be a pick of your random memory. Maybe one day, I'll be swooshed away from your memory or maybe I will not even be in your memory trove. I'm sorry that I love you this way. I remember.

7 Aug 2014. I went silent... again. You patiently waited for me... again. Sorry (you know who you are) for hurting you.. again. I did not mean to hurt you. In fact, I love you so extreme that I could go mental if I had to lose you one day. Seriously.This time, I felt that I could no longer endure the pain. I had to isolate myself and tell you. Sorry for not joining your 'burger' treat for dinner. I admitted I was selfish. I wanted you all for myself. Just me, no one else. What a selfish bitch I was (still am!)! I love you so extreme that I want you just for myself. I rejected the idea of sharing that moment! I just want you! Again, out of my nonchalant gesture, I cried. The SECOND time I cried because of you! I know you cried before confronting me. I know. I'm sorry. I remember!

All the promises I made... I remember! Growing old together, to be there for each other (for as long as you need me), to be a friend, to be your bestesttesttest buddy forever, to be there next to each other through thick and thin and to love one another, to change for the better me and never look at my dark path I once took and to be yours forever. I remember. I remember!

What should I do now?! How to fix this? How to mend this swollen heart? How? I don't have the slightest idea on how to make you happy while I suffer from deep misery! I love you. I do! Can I have you forever in my life?

I will remember you, always!

Munafik Hati

"It's Ok!"

I say "It's Ok" when it is not. I smile when it actually hurts. I laugh when it is not even funny. I pretend to live when I am actually dying. See?! All my pretentious lies?! I lie to look tough.  

I'm a big boy now after all.

"It's Ok!"