 |
| If only I could turn back the hands of time... |
When I was a little boy, I loved to sit on my grandfather (Tok
Bob)'s lap and watch TV. Sometimes he would point out things in real world;
deaths, wars, car accidents, politics and what not. For instance; the talking
cat.
"Isy isy isy, mane ade kucing boleh bercakap...that's
nonsense.."
My mama passed away when I was very young. Tok Bob took over the role since
then.
Whenever I asked: "Mama gi mane Tok Bob?", he would sit down and make
up stories about it. Mostly, it was about some angels inviting my mum for a
visit... Yeah, something like that. Sometimes, we held our moments by
flipping pages from the old picture albums.
I was concerned, of course. The idea of death is definitely a big thing for a
9-year-old to get a handle on. I did love the way he made up bunch of stories
so I would not be sad. I still do though.
One day, I asked one of my teachers at school (Puan Zabedah) about what
happened to people like Mama. I was in standard 3; 3 Bestari, formerly known as
3 Biru, SKSO.
She explained. When a person dies, only the body dies. Another part; called the
spirit survives. We do not know that for sure. But if we believe something deep
inside even though we cannot prove it, that is called FAITH. She sort of made
me believe that Mama is still around though.
Yup, I have to admit that she was amazing and that thought lasted for the whole
year. ;p
Abah told me that people who are not with us at the moment...sort of hang
around with us for as long as we remember them. He always reminds everyone in
the family to remember Mama all the time.
See, I have quite an overflowing ideas of death when I was young. It's the
memory which keeps me company most of the time. Creepy? Nope. It's called sanity.
Living with quite a number of unexpected deaths around makes me...somberly
depressed at times. I hate looking at how people react towards me. I hate the
saying; "Kesiannye, kecik-kecik dah takde mak..." I hate that. I
don't need their pity. Honestly...because I had Tok Bob back then!
Today, Tok Bob is no longer around. I cannot hear his animated voices anymore.
I cannot hear his shouting; "Faez, Mad, Haikal..Mari makan!" I cannot
feel the warmth he used to spread around the house anymore. I cannot taste the
secret fish curry recipe anymore. I have nobody who would share his life
experience and to tell me a story or two anymore. Above all, I have nobody who
would make up stories and jokes about death anymore...because he, too, had left
me forever.
2010 – 2014. The passing of some family members. May Allah bless us all and ease
the burden of our loved ones. The list goes on… (I wonder when my turn is). Al-Fatihah to Mok Su, Mummy (Julia Fardilla), Pok Long, Tok and Tokki.
I miss them all but the person I deeply miss at the moment
is Tok Bob. I miss him a lot. Aku rindu sangat-sangat kat arwah Tok Bob. At this
point, I really can't afford of losing someone very special. Why? Because I am
not good in making up stories to those who may ask afterwards...
P/s - To those who have lost their special ones, please remember them. The
memory is sweet and needs to be passed on...as long as we live. It's how we
make them live around us.
Al-Fatihah to those we lost and we dearly love.
