Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Why????

Today's a bad day..I woke up..miserably. Last night was a good sleep..but...

I think Tok Bob is deteriorating..again... Why???? I'm going to take him to the hospital again later. We've been to both public and private! It should be ok! It must be ok! But why??? I feel sorry for him. I wish I can feel the pain...the suffering he's struggling with. But, I can't... I really can't... Empathy does not work in this room!

His vomit was black and it was thick! It scares me to death! Now, I am sooooo beyond worried. The truth is..I'm scared. I really am. It slashes my heart to see him like that. He refused to have breakfast. He pushed me away as I gave him the pills. I understand....

Why? Why is it so hard? The test....it hurts. This is irrevocably insane. I thought the steroids work. It did work yesterday! I am so frustrated and confused! I am helpless and I am hopeless. What a terrible morning to begin with.

I hope...No. I want him to be better! I want him to be able to walk again! I want him to sleep soundlessly! I want him to enjoy the meal! I want him to stop shaking! Hmm... I think I demand a lot....

I'm scared. I even wrote a poem "I don't have much time" for Tok Bob.... We don't have much time now... If only I can stop the hands of time, and rewind to the days when we were both happy, together. It's only a dream. A dream for me to carry on. I'll treasure those days.

Just another day of my life.....T_T

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope he will be okay Niza.. My prayers go out to him.. Just be there for him.. He's lucky to have you to watch over him.. And how's mummy doing? And your cute baby sis?

~fiNdinG a VoiCe~ said...

Mummy? She's not ok either...

She even told me."Ni la ujian paling berat mami kene, tapi demi anak2, mami kuatkan jugak semangat..."

Sometimes, I question...is life fair? I don't have the answer...

She's supposed to be ok by now!!! But why she keeps collapsing? This is unfair!

~fiNdinG a VoiCe~ said...

N alyaa is fat!

Chubby! But she's cute. I guess, she's doing EXTRA fine then. huhu.

Aiman is fine too..ahax.

Anonymous said...

sabar k.. u have to be really strong for ur family.. i know how you feel.. i've gone down this road before.. hang in there.. things are going to be easier.. it may not be soon but the journey in getting there is all worthwhile.. i'll see u soon ok? n don't sress out about practicum.. we'll try to work something out nnt..

~fiNdinG a VoiCe~ said...

ahax..im not stress out dear..im just enjoying the rest days of my break...hehe..

zerronemo said...

hey stay together ok?
dont give up....
things take its course as its suppose to.
just keep yourself together and brace through